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Heard Any Good Ones: Archive
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 60562"><p>The Recount Before Christmas...... </p><p>> 'Twas the 12th of December </p><p>> And all through the state </p><p>> Florida's counters </p><p>> Were staying up late </p><p>> To count and recount </p><p>> And count them some more </p><p>> Till they found enough votes </p><p>> To favor Al Gore. </p><p>> </p><p>> They counted all night </p><p>> And into the day </p><p>> And soon Bush's lead </p><p>> Was slipping away. </p><p>> </p><p>> But still not enough </p><p>> To make Gore the winner </p><p>> So they counted some more, </p><p>> Through lunch and through dinner. </p><p>> </p><p>> "I need help to win this," </p><p>> Al Gore told a friend </p><p>> "And I know just the man </p><p>> On whom to depend." </p><p>> </p><p>> And so Richard Daley </p><p>> Mounted his sled </p><p>> And flew to Cook County </p><p>> To wake up the dead. </p><p>> </p><p>> He brought in Gore votes </p><p>> From all sorts of places </p><p>> He filled up his sled </p><p>> With votes in suitcases. </p><p>> </p><p>> He found Gore support </p><p>> From the sons and daughters </p><p>> Of Lincoln, and Adams, </p><p>> And Monroe supporters. </p><p>> </p><p>> He found votes in jails, </p><p>> He resurrected Granny </p><p>> He even got three votes </p><p>> From Zoe Baird's nanny. </p><p>> </p><p>> When these votes were counted </p><p>> The Gore team was mad </p><p>> Bush was still winning </p><p>> By one dimpled chad. </p><p>> </p><p>> So they twisted and bent them </p><p>> And let in some light </p><p>> "If they're hanging, or pregnant, </p><p>> They're Algore's, by right." </p><p>> </p><p>> "Thirty votes for Bush" </p><p>> Shouted Counter Number Four. </p><p>> But then Jesse Jackson </p><p>> Walked in through the door. </p><p>> </p><p>> "You must be a racist, </p><p>> That's all I can say. </p><p>> Those votes are for Algore, </p><p>> Now pass them my way." </p><p>> </p><p>> The Democrats cheered </p><p>> For Gore would survive. </p><p>> But then all those military </p><p>> Votes did arrive. </p><p>> </p><p>> It seemed that the troops </p><p>> Feared a President Gore, </p><p>> So in came their Bush votes. </p><p>> And in came some more. </p><p>> </p><p>> It may look like a Bush vote </p><p>> But just wait a minute </p><p>> Gore can't find a postmark </p><p>> Without or within it. </p><p>> </p><p>> Sailors at sea </p><p>> Could have swum to the shore </p><p>> The fact that they didn't </p><p>> Means they voted for Gore. </p><p>> </p><p>> "These votes should be mine," </p><p>> Algore ranted and raved, </p><p>> "I should have won, </p><p>> The system's depraved." </p><p>> </p><p>> "Let's throw out the system, </p><p>> Let's throw out the law; </p><p>> Bush cannot win this" </p><p>> He said through clenched jaw. </p><p>> </p><p>> "Let's discredit Harris, </p><p>> Abuse and revile </p><p>> Let's make her the villain" </p><p>> Said Gore with a smile. </p><p>> </p><p>> "Treat her like Willey </p><p>> Like Broaddrick, like Jones. </p><p>> Make fun of her hair, </p><p>> And her eyes, and her bones. </p><p>> </p><p>> Challenge her motives-- </p><p>> She's corrupt to the core-- </p><p>> And I'm a poor victim. </p><p>> I am Algore." </p><p>> </p><p>> "If O. J.'s not guilty </p><p>> Then surely I've won. </p><p>> Bring on the lawyers, </p><p>> Let's start the fun. </p><p>> </p><p>> Throw tantrums! And challenge! </p><p>> Spin! and distort! </p><p>> If we can't win this by counting, </p><p>> We'll win this in court." </p><p>> </p><p>> And on came the lawyers </p><p>> Like vultures to prey </p><p>> They argued all night </p><p>> And they argued all day. </p><p>> </p><p>> They found lots of loopholes </p><p>> And, here's a sad hitch, </p><p>> The country grew poorer </p><p>> While the lawyers got rich. </p><p>> </p><p>> It's a very sad day </p><p>> The country's a mess. </p><p>> Algore has stained it </p><p>> Like Monica's dress. </p><p>> </p><p>> Al, stop all this counting </p><p>> Heed Clinton's advice-- </p><p>> If you think you've been wronged, </p><p>> Just put on some ice. </p><p>> </p><p>> Don't drag this country </p><p>> Through lawsuits galore </p><p>> Spare us--please spare us-- </p><p>> Step down now, Al Gore.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 60562"] The Recount Before Christmas...... > 'Twas the 12th of December > And all through the state > Florida's counters > Were staying up late > To count and recount > And count them some more > Till they found enough votes > To favor Al Gore. > > They counted all night > And into the day > And soon Bush's lead > Was slipping away. > > But still not enough > To make Gore the winner > So they counted some more, > Through lunch and through dinner. > > "I need help to win this," > Al Gore told a friend > "And I know just the man > On whom to depend." > > And so Richard Daley > Mounted his sled > And flew to Cook County > To wake up the dead. > > He brought in Gore votes > From all sorts of places > He filled up his sled > With votes in suitcases. > > He found Gore support > From the sons and daughters > Of Lincoln, and Adams, > And Monroe supporters. > > He found votes in jails, > He resurrected Granny > He even got three votes > From Zoe Baird's nanny. > > When these votes were counted > The Gore team was mad > Bush was still winning > By one dimpled chad. > > So they twisted and bent them > And let in some light > "If they're hanging, or pregnant, > They're Algore's, by right." > > "Thirty votes for Bush" > Shouted Counter Number Four. > But then Jesse Jackson > Walked in through the door. > > "You must be a racist, > That's all I can say. > Those votes are for Algore, > Now pass them my way." > > The Democrats cheered > For Gore would survive. > But then all those military > Votes did arrive. > > It seemed that the troops > Feared a President Gore, > So in came their Bush votes. > And in came some more. > > It may look like a Bush vote > But just wait a minute > Gore can't find a postmark > Without or within it. > > Sailors at sea > Could have swum to the shore > The fact that they didn't > Means they voted for Gore. > > "These votes should be mine," > Algore ranted and raved, > "I should have won, > The system's depraved." > > "Let's throw out the system, > Let's throw out the law; > Bush cannot win this" > He said through clenched jaw. > > "Let's discredit Harris, > Abuse and revile > Let's make her the villain" > Said Gore with a smile. > > "Treat her like Willey > Like Broaddrick, like Jones. > Make fun of her hair, > And her eyes, and her bones. > > Challenge her motives-- > She's corrupt to the core-- > And I'm a poor victim. > I am Algore." > > "If O. J.'s not guilty > Then surely I've won. > Bring on the lawyers, > Let's start the fun. > > Throw tantrums! And challenge! > Spin! and distort! > If we can't win this by counting, > We'll win this in court." > > And on came the lawyers > Like vultures to prey > They argued all night > And they argued all day. > > They found lots of loopholes > And, here's a sad hitch, > The country grew poorer > While the lawyers got rich. > > It's a very sad day > The country's a mess. > Algore has stained it > Like Monica's dress. > > Al, stop all this counting > Heed Clinton's advice-- > If you think you've been wronged, > Just put on some ice. > > Don't drag this country > Through lawsuits galore > Spare us--please spare us-- > Step down now, Al Gore. [/QUOTE]
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