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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 60642">Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; they try to decide which one. &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Before marriage a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; the &quot;Y&quot; becomes silent. &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning. &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; a radio. ( Rodney Dangerfield) &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; father...&quot;I&#039;m very sorry. We did everything that we could, but he &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; pulled through.&quot; (Dangerfield) &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; to my father. He said he wanted more proof. (dangerfield) &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I went to see my doctor. &quot;Doctor, every morning when I get up and look &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; in the mirror...I feel like throwing up. What&#039;s wrong with me?&quot; He &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; said, &quot;I don&#039;t know, but your eyesight is perfect.&quot; (Dangerfield) &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; exception, is composed of others. (Holmes) &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. &quot;You &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; know, a cow was murdered for that jacket!&quot; she sneered. I replied in a &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; psychotic tone, &quot;I didn&#039;t know there were any witnesses. Now I&#039;ll have &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; to kill you too.&quot; (Johanson) &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 80% of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. (Jackie &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Mason) &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Time&#039;s fun when you&#039;re having flies. (Kermit the frog) &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Suppose you were an idiot.....And suppose you were a member of &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Congress....but I repeat myself. (Mark Twain) &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; is that it has never tried to contact us. &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; My school colors were &quot;clear&quot;. (Steven Wright) &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; When I was in high school I got in trouble with my girlfriend&#039;s dad. He &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; said, &quot;I want my daughter back by 8:15.&quot; I said, &quot;The middle of August! &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Cool!&quot; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Did Washington flash a quarter for his I.D.?</blockquote>

[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 60642"] Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. Before marriage a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "Y" becomes silent. Marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. ( Rodney Dangerfield) When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father..."I'm very sorry. We did everything that we could, but he pulled through." (Dangerfield) I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. (dangerfield) I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect." (Dangerfield) It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others. (Holmes) A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know, a cow was murdered for that jacket!" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." (Johanson) 80% of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. (Jackie Mason) Time's fun when you're having flies. (Kermit the frog) Suppose you were an idiot.....And suppose you were a member of Congress....but I repeat myself. (Mark Twain) The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. My school colors were "clear". (Steven Wright) When I was in high school I got in trouble with my girlfriend's dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "The middle of August! Cool!" Did Washington flash a quarter for his I.D.? [/QUOTE]

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