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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 1052850" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">They're back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:</span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #4181FF"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. </span></span></strong> </p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #FF8141"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #E000E0"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.</span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #004200"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #4181FF"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #E000E0"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. </span></span></strong> </p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #A13F00"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. </span></span></strong> </p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #5F5F5F"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. </span></span></strong> </p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #4000A2"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.</span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #A00000"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. </span></span></strong> </p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #622152"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #424200"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">--------------------------</span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #4000A2"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #0000A1"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #40005F"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #A1009F"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #006000"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">--------------------------</span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #37605E"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. </span></span></strong> </p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #004200"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. </span></span></strong> </p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #E26200"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">-------------------------- </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: #000061"><span style="font-family: 'Courier'">The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.</span></span></strong> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 1052850, member: 1246"] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]They're back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"] [/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#4181FF][FONT=Courier]The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#FF8141][FONT=Courier]The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#E000E0][FONT=Courier]Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#004200][FONT=Courier]Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#4181FF][FONT=Courier]Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#E000E0][FONT=Courier]Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#A13F00][FONT=Courier]For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#5F5F5F][FONT=Courier]Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#4000A2][FONT=Courier]Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#A00000][FONT=Courier]A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#622152][FONT=Courier]At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#424200][FONT=Courier]Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]--------------------------[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#4000A2][FONT=Courier]The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#0000A1][FONT=Courier]Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#40005F][FONT=Courier]The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#A1009F][FONT=Courier]This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#006000][FONT=Courier]Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]--------------------------[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#37605E][FONT=Courier]The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#004200][FONT=Courier]The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#E26200][FONT=Courier]Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=Courier]-------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#000061][FONT=Courier]The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black][FONT="Arial"] [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT="Calibri"][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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