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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="cheryl" data-source="post: 117225" data-attributes="member: 1"><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000080">Australian tourism - worthy of passing on </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">You world travelers will enjoy this....</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: Depends how much you've been drinking. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: Sure, it 's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: What did your last slave die of?</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-m an-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: You are a British politician, right?</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: No, WE don't stink.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q : Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: Yes, gay nightclubs. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: Only at Christmas.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #000080">A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first </span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="cheryl, post: 117225, member: 1"] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000080]Australian tourism - worthy of passing on [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]You world travelers will enjoy this....[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: Depends how much you've been drinking. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: Sure, it 's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: What did your last slave die of?[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-m an-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: You are a British politician, right?[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: No, WE don't stink.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q : Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: Yes, gay nightclubs. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: Only at Christmas.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#000080]A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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