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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="traveler" data-source="post: 117528" data-attributes="member: 1954"><p>Speaking of Australian humor...</p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><strong>Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets be fore the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.</strong></span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px">P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. </span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.</span> </span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: Something loose in cockpit. </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: Something tightened in cockpit. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: Dead bugs on windshield. </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: Live bugs on back-order. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: Evidence removed. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: DME volume unbelievably loud. </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: DME volume set to more believable level. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: That's what friction locks are for. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: Suspected crack in windshield. </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: Suspect you're right. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: Number 3 engine missing. </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: Target radar hums. </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: Mouse in cockpit. </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: Cat installed. </span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. </span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">S: Took hammer away from midget </span></span></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="traveler, post: 117528, member: 1954"] Speaking of Australian humor... [FONT=Times New Roman][B]Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets be fore the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.[/B][/FONT] [B][SIZE=3]P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. [/SIZE][/B] [B][SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.[/FONT] [/SIZE][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget [/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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