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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 162337" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #000080"><strong>YOU MIGHT BE IN A COUNTRY CHURCH IF...</strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* The doors are never locked.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* The Call to Worship is, "Y'all come on in!"</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* The Preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* The restroom is outside.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of."</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "two calves."</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* When it rains, everybody's smiling.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* A singing group is known as "The O.K. Chorale."</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* The church directory doesn't have last names.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* The pastor wears boots.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* There is no such thing as a "secret'' sin.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* Baptism is referred to as "branding.''</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your health.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot to howling.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* It's not heaven, but you can see heaven from there.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">* The final words, of the benediction are, "Y'all come on back now, ya hear!"</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 162337, member: 1246"] [CENTER][FONT=Arial][SIZE=4][COLOR=#000080][B]YOU MIGHT BE IN A COUNTRY CHURCH IF...[/B][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/CENTER] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* The doors are never locked.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* The Call to Worship is, "Y'all come on in!"[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* The Preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* The restroom is outside.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of."[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "two calves."[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* When it rains, everybody's smiling.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* A singing group is known as "The O.K. Chorale."[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* The church directory doesn't have last names.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* The pastor wears boots.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* There is no such thing as a "secret'' sin.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* Baptism is referred to as "branding.''[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your health.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot to howling.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* It's not heaven, but you can see heaven from there.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]* The final words, of the benediction are, "Y'all come on back now, ya hear!"[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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