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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 227390" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">HOW TO DRIVE IN FLORIDA</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">1. You must first learn to pronounce the name, it is: "FLAAAAARIDA".</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 AM to noon. The evening rush hour is</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">from noon to 8:00 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On I-95 your</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is grounds to</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">run you off the road while giving you the finger.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Florida has its own</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">However, SUV cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">out, and possibly shot.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">get you shot.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Florida. Detour barrels</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">shoulder immediately to let them know it has been accidentally activated."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">11. Merge means race like a madman and cut the person in line off or </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">better yet ---run them off the road.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">13. If you are going to yell anything out the window, make sure it is in Spanish.</span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 227390, member: 1246"] [FONT=Arial]HOW TO DRIVE IN FLORIDA 1. You must first learn to pronounce the name, it is: "FLAAAAARIDA". 2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 AM to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On I-95 your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is grounds to run you off the road while giving you the finger. 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Florida has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, SUV cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. 6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot. 7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Florida. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting 10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been accidentally activated." 11. Merge means race like a madman and cut the person in line off or better yet ---run them off the road. 12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands. 13. If you are going to yell anything out the window, make sure it is in Spanish.[/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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