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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 357301" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p>Retirement in Florida.......</p><p> </p><p>For those of you contemplating retirement, I would like to share</p><p>my retirement experiences with you, which I hope will be helpful.</p><p> </p><p>A few years ago my wife and I moved into a retirement development</p><p>in central Florida. The last time we saw our grandkids was</p><p>on Grandchildren's Day when they were dragged down by their parents.</p><p>We were living in the Cypress Creek Village, Swimming, Shuffleboard,</p><p>Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club near Lake Fake-a-hachee.</p><p>(There are 3000 lakes in Florida, only 3 are real).</p><p> </p><p>It would be great if the kids came down to visit us this winter, as there</p><p>is so much going on. Back by popular demand, the feisty,</p><p>Hip Replacement Tappers Club will be tap dancing to the</p><p>Flight Of The Bumble Bee. It promises to be quite a production with</p><p>lots of singing and dancing. This year I am not in the cast but will be</p><p>standing by with the defibrillator volunteers.</p><p> </p><p>Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were</p><p>we going to do all day? Let me assure you, passing the time is not a</p><p>problem. Your days will be eaten up by simple, daily activities.</p><p>Just getting out of your car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where</p><p>you parked takes 20 minutes. It takes 1/2 hour on the check-out line</p><p>in Wal-Mart and 1 hour to return the item the next day. Then of course,</p><p>there are the visits to the doctor's and dentist's offices.</p><p> </p><p>Let me take you through a typical day.</p><p>We get up at 5:00am; have a quick breakfast and join the early</p><p>morning Walk and Talk Club. There are about 10 of us and rain or</p><p>shine we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every</p><p>development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6 AM. After a</p><p>nimble walk avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go</p><p>back home, shower and change for the next activity.</p><p> </p><p>My wife goes directly to the clubhouse for her Zumba</p><p>class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR.</p><p> </p><p>I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my mid-calf</p><p>shorts, my socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a</p><p>nice nap. Before you know it it's time for lunch. We go to Costco to</p><p>partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hairnets.</p><p> </p><p>All free! After a filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor</p><p>appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white</p><p>belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00.</p><p> </p><p>We're usually back home by 2 PM to get ready for dinner. People</p><p>start lining up for the early bird about 3 PM, but we get there by</p><p>3:45 because we are late eaters. The dinners are very popular</p><p>because of the large portions they serve. You can take home enough</p><p>food for the next day's lunch and dinner, including extra bread,</p><p>crackers, sweet-and-low packets and mints.</p><p> </p><p>At 5:30 we're home ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30</p><p>we're fast asleep. Then we get up to make 5 or 6 trips to the bathroom</p><p>during the night and soon it's time to get up and start a new day all</p><p>over again.</p><p> </p><p>Doctor related activities will eat up most of your retirement time.</p><p>I enjoy reading old magazines in sub zero temperatures in the</p><p>waiting room, so I don't mind. Calling for test results will also help</p><p>the days fly by. It takes at least half an hour just getting through</p><p>the doctor's phone menu. Then there is the hold time until you are</p><p>connected to the right party. Sometimes they forget you are holding,</p><p>and the whole office goes to lunch.</p><p> </p><p>Many of the receptionists are quite rude. They keep you standing</p><p>at that dopey little, closed glass window, totally ignoring you. After</p><p>1/2 an hr, I ignore the 'Do not tap on the window' sign and tap on</p><p>the window. This always drives them nuts. If you do, they put down</p><p>their Egg McMuffin or their copy of the Enquirer, and fling open the</p><p>window, ready for a fight. I lie, explaining I tapped on the window</p><p>accidentally because I have Parkinson's.</p><p> </p><p>They claim they are required to keep the window closed because of</p><p>the privacy law but I don't believe it. Are they afraid if I were to</p><p>overhear that my neighbor has hemorrhoids, that I would blackmail</p><p>him or sell the information to a foreign government? In Florida</p><p>everyone has hemorrhoids!</p><p> </p><p>Should one find they still have time on their hands, volunteering</p><p>provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate.</p><p> </p><p>Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet tall</p><p>and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically</p><p>Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team---'The Arthritic</p><p>Avengers.' The hoop is only 4 1/2 feet from the floor. You should</p><p>see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam-dunk.</p><p> </p><p>Food shopping is a problem for short seniors or 'bottom feeders'</p><p>as we call them because they can't reach the items on the upper</p><p>shelves. There are many foods they have never tasted. Whenever I see</p><p>one of them struggling to reach a jar on the high shelf, I rush over</p><p>to lend a hand. After shopping, most seniors can't remember where</p><p>they parked their cars. They wander the parking lot for hours</p><p>looking for their car while their food defrosts.</p><p> </p><p>Choosing a development with suitable amenities is an important</p><p>decision. The various clubs in these communities provide most of the</p><p>activities. Our development has over 300 clubs. There's something</p><p>for everyone. Clubs like the kidney-donating club, the Taliban Club,</p><p>the East meets West club, not to be confused with the West meets</p><p>East club, etc. A truly active community is one where the ambulance</p><p>is there several times a day and is part of the Travel Club.</p><p> </p><p>Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive</p><p>name. Village names are very popular in Florida. They convey...</p><p>world traveler, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you</p><p>rather live... Murray's Mobiles or Cypress Creek Village? There is</p><p>no difference. They are usually both owned by Murray!</p><p> </p><p>The Village names appeal to those name-dropping, phony snowbirds</p><p>that are out to impress their friends up north. I once heard someone</p><p>say ...we spend our summers in the Catskills, but we winter at</p><p>Cypress Creek Village in Central Florida. I have been to central Florida.</p><p>There are old people, alligators and snakes!</p><p> </p><p>I hope this material has been of some help to you future retirees.</p><p>If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you're</p><p>in Florida. I live in The Leaning Mobile of Pisa on Cypress Lane.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 357301, member: 1246"] Retirement in Florida....... For those of you contemplating retirement, I would like to share my retirement experiences with you, which I hope will be helpful. A few years ago my wife and I moved into a retirement development in central Florida. The last time we saw our grandkids was on Grandchildren's Day when they were dragged down by their parents. We were living in the Cypress Creek Village, Swimming, Shuffleboard, Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club near Lake Fake-a-hachee. (There are 3000 lakes in Florida, only 3 are real). It would be great if the kids came down to visit us this winter, as there is so much going on. Back by popular demand, the feisty, Hip Replacement Tappers Club will be tap dancing to the Flight Of The Bumble Bee. It promises to be quite a production with lots of singing and dancing. This year I am not in the cast but will be standing by with the defibrillator volunteers. Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day? Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem. Your days will be eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of your car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where you parked takes 20 minutes. It takes 1/2 hour on the check-out line in Wal-Mart and 1 hour to return the item the next day. Then of course, there are the visits to the doctor's and dentist's offices. Let me take you through a typical day. We get up at 5:00am; have a quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk and Talk Club. There are about 10 of us and rain or shine we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6 AM. After a nimble walk avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity. My wife goes directly to the clubhouse for her Zumba class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my mid-calf shorts, my socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before you know it it's time for lunch. We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hairnets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00. We're usually back home by 2 PM to get ready for dinner. People start lining up for the early bird about 3 PM, but we get there by 3:45 because we are late eaters. The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. You can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, sweet-and-low packets and mints. At 5:30 we're home ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30 we're fast asleep. Then we get up to make 5 or 6 trips to the bathroom during the night and soon it's time to get up and start a new day all over again. Doctor related activities will eat up most of your retirement time. I enjoy reading old magazines in sub zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don't mind. Calling for test results will also help the days fly by. It takes at least half an hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there is the hold time until you are connected to the right party. Sometimes they forget you are holding, and the whole office goes to lunch. Many of the receptionists are quite rude. They keep you standing at that dopey little, closed glass window, totally ignoring you. After 1/2 an hr, I ignore the 'Do not tap on the window' sign and tap on the window. This always drives them nuts. If you do, they put down their Egg McMuffin or their copy of the Enquirer, and fling open the window, ready for a fight. I lie, explaining I tapped on the window accidentally because I have Parkinson's. They claim they are required to keep the window closed because of the privacy law but I don't believe it. Are they afraid if I were to overhear that my neighbor has hemorrhoids, that I would blackmail him or sell the information to a foreign government? In Florida everyone has hemorrhoids! Should one find they still have time on their hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate. Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet tall and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team---'The Arthritic Avengers.' The hoop is only 4 1/2 feet from the floor. You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam-dunk. Food shopping is a problem for short seniors or 'bottom feeders' as we call them because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many foods they have never tasted. Whenever I see one of them struggling to reach a jar on the high shelf, I rush over to lend a hand. After shopping, most seniors can't remember where they parked their cars. They wander the parking lot for hours looking for their car while their food defrosts. Choosing a development with suitable amenities is an important decision. The various clubs in these communities provide most of the activities. Our development has over 300 clubs. There's something for everyone. Clubs like the kidney-donating club, the Taliban Club, the East meets West club, not to be confused with the West meets East club, etc. A truly active community is one where the ambulance is there several times a day and is part of the Travel Club. Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive name. Village names are very popular in Florida. They convey... world traveler, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather live... Murray's Mobiles or Cypress Creek Village? There is no difference. They are usually both owned by Murray! The Village names appeal to those name-dropping, phony snowbirds that are out to impress their friends up north. I once heard someone say ...we spend our summers in the Catskills, but we winter at Cypress Creek Village in Central Florida. I have been to central Florida. There are old people, alligators and snakes! I hope this material has been of some help to you future retirees. If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you're in Florida. I live in The Leaning Mobile of Pisa on Cypress Lane. [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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