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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 391243" data-attributes="member: 1246">YOU DON&#039;T EVER WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THESE!&nbsp;From your family doctor: &quot;Well, do you want to first hear the bad news or the worst news?&quot;&nbsp;Fom your dentist: &quot;Hey, this is great...my first quadruple root canal! And, in a year, we&#039;re looking at upper and lower dentures!&quot;&nbsp;From your optometrist: &quot;Just between you and me, the lenses are only 50 bucks. But, we get you on the 350 bucks for the currently-in-style frames! Not bad, huh!&quot;&nbsp;From your home contractor: &quot;Look...it&#039;s very smple. We can get your house back to normal for 50,000 bucks, or, tear down the disaster and build a new house. You know the lot&#039;s worth a half million bucks, so the house will cost you peanuts!&quot;&nbsp;From your auto dealer: &quot;Oh, I&#039;m terribly sorry...your 100,000 mile warranty ran out 5 days ago. I&#039;m afraid you may now have a &quot;junker&quot; on your hands. Tough luck, huh?&quot;&nbsp;From your auto garage: &quot;Just what I thought...engine&#039;s gone, transmission is shot, and the underchassis is corroded everywhere. I can fix it all for only 5 grand. Whatdya say? Not a bad deal. Right?!&quot;&nbsp;From your psychotherapist: &quot;You&#039;re basically all screwed up. Were your parents bizarre? I&#039;m afraid we&#039;re looking at 3 years of weekly therapy sessions. We can start today with your trying to understand your cat.&quot;&nbsp;From a car dealer&#039;s hot shot saleperson: &quot;Hey bud, this is your lucky day and this baby you&#039;re lookin&#039; at is LOADED! And, I can ask my boss to get you 35% off sticker. Can&#039;t beat that anywhere in town!&quot;&nbsp;From your hair stylist: &quot;Oh, there I go again! I gave you a really short crew cut and you only asked for a trim. C&#039;mon, laugh! Hah! Don&#039;t worry honey! That hair will be back in only 4 months. Now, you feel better. Right?&quot;&nbsp;Computer Dating/Matching Service: &quot;We&#039;re sorry. We&#039;re returning your $100 membership fee. We scanned our 275,000 female members three times and could not find any match. Please accept our apologies. Perhaps, another dating service will serve your needs better. Have a wonderful life!&quot;&nbsp;At the movies: &quot;You just missed the last two tickets, but if you&#039;re both night owls, our next showing is at 12:30 AM and you&#039;ll probably have the theater all to yourselves! So, nobody can block you!&quot;&nbsp;From your health department: &quot;This is an automated call. Your credit card shows you ate at Mabel&#039;s Home Cooking yesterday. Please go to an emergency center, or, better yet, a trauma center at a hospital, and, as soon as possible. You may have contracted Mungofilio&#039;s Disease. Please note that without prompt medical attention, you may be dead within 12-15 hours of this call. Have a nice day!&quot;&nbsp;From your termite inspection service: &quot;Yup, dem termites got you bad. My advice...tear down this house of holes and sell the &#039;exotic, light, porous wood.&#039; Then, build another house or move. Just remember, at Quickie Mickey&#039;s Exterminators, we give you the news fast, whether it&#039;s good or bad!&quot;&nbsp;From your favorite ice cream shop: &quot;Sorry folks...only half-melted vanilla today. Our freezers conked out. We did salvage the vanilla, though. Hey, where are you going?! (Yelling) It still tastes good!&quot;&nbsp;From your watch repair shop: &quot;Well, the battery&#039;s got 2 more years on it. But that $700 Swiss piece of junk watch needs to go into the trash. Here! At least, save the battery!&quot;&nbsp;From your shoe repair place: &quot;Like I told you; the repair to put on new heels and soles...they&#039;re a single unit, is 95 bucks plus tax. I don&#039;t care if you paid 80 for the shoes. Do you want me to repair them or what? What? Don&#039;t you talk? Hey, don&#039;t leave! I&#039;ll knock off 5 bucks! </blockquote>

[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 391243, member: 1246"] [FONT=Times New Roman]YOU DON'T EVER WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THESE![/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]From your family doctor: "Well, do you want to first hear the bad news or the worst news?"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Fom your dentist: "Hey, this is great...my first quadruple root canal! And, in a year, we're looking at upper and lower dentures!"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]From your optometrist: "Just between you and me, the lenses are only 50 bucks. But, we get you on the 350 bucks for the currently-in-style frames! Not bad, huh!"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]From your home contractor: "Look...it's very smple. We can get your house back to normal for 50,000 bucks, or, tear down the disaster and build a new house. You know the lot's worth a half million bucks, so the house will cost you peanuts!"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]From your auto dealer: "Oh, I'm terribly sorry...your 100,000 mile warranty ran out 5 days ago. I'm afraid you may now have a "junker" on your hands. Tough luck, huh?"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]From your auto garage: "Just what I thought...engine's gone, transmission is shot, and the underchassis is corroded everywhere. I can fix it all for only 5 grand. Whatdya say? Not a bad deal. Right?!"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]From your psychotherapist: "You're basically all screwed up. Were your parents bizarre? I'm afraid we're looking at 3 years of weekly therapy sessions. We can start today with your trying to understand your cat."[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]From a car dealer's hot shot saleperson: "Hey bud, this is your lucky day and this baby you're lookin' at is LOADED! And, I can ask my boss to get you 35% off sticker. Can't beat that anywhere in town!"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]From your hair stylist: "Oh, there I go again! I gave you a really short crew cut and you only asked for a trim. C'mon, laugh! Hah! Don't worry honey! That hair will be back in only 4 months. Now, you feel better. Right?"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Computer Dating/Matching Service: "We're sorry. We're returning your $100 membership fee. We scanned our 275,000 female members three times and could not find any match. Please accept our apologies. Perhaps, another dating service will serve your needs better. Have a wonderful life!"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]At the movies: "You just missed the last two tickets, but if you're both night owls, our next showing is at 12:30 AM and you'll probably have the theater all to yourselves! So, nobody can block you!"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]From your health department: "This is an automated call. Your credit card shows you ate at Mabel's Home Cooking yesterday. Please go to an emergency center, or, better yet, a trauma center at a hospital, and, as soon as possible. You may have contracted Mungofilio's Disease. Please note that without prompt medical attention, you may be dead within 12-15 hours of this call. Have a nice day!"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]From your termite inspection service: "Yup, dem termites got you bad. My advice...tear down this house of holes and sell the 'exotic, light, porous wood.' Then, build another house or move. Just remember, at Quickie Mickey's Exterminators, we give you the news fast, whether it's good or bad!"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]From your favorite ice cream shop: "Sorry folks...only half-melted vanilla today. Our freezers conked out. We did salvage the vanilla, though. Hey, where are you going?! (Yelling) It still tastes good!"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]From your watch repair shop: "Well, the battery's got 2 more years on it. But that $700 Swiss piece of junk watch needs to go into the trash. Here! At least, save the battery!"[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]From your shoe repair place: "Like I told you; the repair to put on new heels and soles...they're a single unit, is 95 bucks plus tax. I don't care if you paid 80 for the shoes. Do you want me to repair them or what? What? Don't you talk? Hey, don't leave! I'll knock off 5 bucks! [/FONT] [/QUOTE]

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