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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 457878" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p>A Few Jokes....</p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">Mike said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">' Bill replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">----------------------------------------------------- </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">come from?' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">The father replied. 'Well son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">still have mine.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">----------------------------------------------------- </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">try to send her a few bucks myself.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">----------------------------------------------- </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids'. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">----------------------------------------------------- </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">living with for the last 40 years.. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">used to put the curse on you'. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">---------------------------------------------------- </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">1. The DNA all matches. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">2. There are no dental records. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">----------------------------- ----------------------- </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">The agent replies, 'Just a minute..' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">----------------------------------------------------- </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">'How was he killed?' asked one detective. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">What is a golf gun?' </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">----------------------------------------------------- </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">Joe: 'Really?' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">----------------------------------------------------- </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">how he is feeling. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">he answered. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">'What did he say,' asked the nurse. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">'OOPS' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">----------------------------------------------------- </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">'Better get a bikini,' he replied.. 'You'd never get it all in one.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'">He's still in intensive care </span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 457878, member: 1246"] A Few Jokes.... [FONT=MS Sans Serif] Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values [/FONT] [FONT=MS Sans Serif]Mike said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you? ' Bill replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name? ----------------------------------------------------- A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine.' ----------------------------------------------------- 'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.' ----------------------------------------------- A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids'. ----------------------------------------------------- An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you'. The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' ---------------------------------------------------- Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder 1. The DNA all matches. 2. There are no dental records. ----------------------------- ----------------------- A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute..' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. ----------------------------------------------------- Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun? What is a golf gun?' [/FONT] [FONT=MS Sans Serif]'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.' ----------------------------------------------------- Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' Joe: 'Really?' Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.' ----------------------------------------------------- A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'OOPS' ----------------------------------------------------- While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied.. 'You'd never get it all in one.' He's still in intensive care [/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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