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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 542739" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">Subject: To all of you Catholics.</span></span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">non-Catholics.</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are..</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">to lip-sync.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">H2OLY.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">that of the congregation's range.</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">quietly, since most of the people have already left..</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">INCENSE: Holy Smoke!</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">with good basketball teams.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">mercy)</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">always been rough.)</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">consisting of altar servers,</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">know when to sit, kneel, and stand.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">capacity of a pew.</span></span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las Vegas :</span></span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">services at the offertory, some worshippers contribute casino chips as</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted into the respective casino</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">casinos turning chips into cash. And he, of course, is known as The</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">Chip Monk.</span></span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 542739, member: 1246"] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]Subject: To all of you Catholics.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]non-Catholics.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are..[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]to lip-sync.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]H2OLY.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]that of the congregation's range.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]quietly, since most of the people have already left..[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]INCENSE: Holy Smoke![/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]with good basketball teams.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]mercy)[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]always been rough.)[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]consisting of altar servers,[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]know when to sit, kneel, and stand.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]capacity of a pew.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las Vegas :[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]services at the offertory, some worshippers contribute casino chips as[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted into the respective casino[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]casinos turning chips into cash. And he, of course, is known as The[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]Chip Monk.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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