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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 616334" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p style="text-align: center"><strong>Florida Diary</strong></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 15px">April 30th:</span></span></li> </ul> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">Florida is fantastic! Just got here and love it already. Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here. </span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><br /> [*]May 14th:</span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">Really heating up. Got to 89 today. Not a problem, live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper. </span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><br /> [*]June 5th:</span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. NO MORE SHOVELING SNOW EITHER! Another scorcher today, but I love it here. </span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><br /> [*]July 1st:</span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">The temperature hasn't been below 90 all week, not even at night. Where are those ocean breezes we heard about, still seems hot. Getting used to it will take awhile, I guess.I sure miss my LP collection, though. I'll have to remember not to leave anything made out of plastic in my car. Got one of those fuzzy steering wheel covers, cheaper than the burn ointment for my hands. I always wondered what burnt flesh smelled like. </span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><br /> [*]July 15th:</span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though: got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this. </span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><br /> [*]July 20th:</span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">I miss our cat, Tabby. He snuck into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, he'd swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and just as I opened the door he exploded all over $2,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids he ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and poop. No more pets in this heat! </span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><br /> [*]July 25th:</span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">Ocean breezes, my butt. Hot is hell!! The home air conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts. Only hope for a break in the heat would be a hurricane. </span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><br /> [*]July 30th:</span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Swatting the swamp mosquitoes that are as big as B-52's. $1,500 in darn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here? </span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><br /> [*]Aug 4th:</span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">100 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. The electric bill is almost as much as the house payment. And two old lady drivers almost ran me off the road. I hate this state. </span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><br /> [*]Aug 8th:</span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">If another jerk say's to me, "Is it Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to tear his head off.Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted Garfield!! </span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><br /> [*]Aug 10th:</span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny. It's been too hot two ****ing months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. And who came up with the statement "it may be hot, but at least you don't have to shovel it" should die from heat exhaustion. Doesn't it ever rain in this God forsaken place?? </span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><br /> [*]Aug 14th:</span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">Welcome to Hell !!! Temperature got to 102 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail. </span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><br /> [*]Aug 30th:</span></span><br /> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">Worst day of the summer. I'm not leaving the house. The monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier and drove the damned roaches out of the ground. I wasn't aware they could fly! The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in the Caribbean with its new $500 windshield. </span></span></li> </ul><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">That does it, we're moving back to New York where all you have to worry about is getting mugged, I hope this state breaks in half and floats down to Cuba!</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 616334, member: 1246"] [CENTER][B]Florida Diary[/B][/CENTER] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4] [LIST] [*]April 30th: [/LIST][/SIZE][/FONT] [LIST] [*] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Florida is fantastic! Just got here and love it already. Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here. [/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS] [*]May 14th:[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Really heating up. Got to 89 today. Not a problem, live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper. [/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS] [*]June 5th:[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. NO MORE SHOVELING SNOW EITHER! Another scorcher today, but I love it here. [/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS] [*]July 1st:[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]The temperature hasn't been below 90 all week, not even at night. Where are those ocean breezes we heard about, still seems hot. Getting used to it will take awhile, I guess.I sure miss my LP collection, though. I'll have to remember not to leave anything made out of plastic in my car. Got one of those fuzzy steering wheel covers, cheaper than the burn ointment for my hands. I always wondered what burnt flesh smelled like. [/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS] [*]July 15th:[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though: got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this. [/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS] [*]July 20th:[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]I miss our cat, Tabby. He snuck into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, he'd swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and just as I opened the door he exploded all over $2,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids he ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and poop. No more pets in this heat! [/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS] [*]July 25th:[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Ocean breezes, my butt. Hot is hell!! The home air conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts. Only hope for a break in the heat would be a hurricane. [/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS] [*]July 30th:[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Swatting the swamp mosquitoes that are as big as B-52's. $1,500 in darn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here? [/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS] [*]Aug 4th:[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]100 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. The electric bill is almost as much as the house payment. And two old lady drivers almost ran me off the road. I hate this state. [/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS] [*]Aug 8th:[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]If another jerk say's to me, "Is it Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to tear his head off.Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted Garfield!! [/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS] [*]Aug 10th:[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny. It's been too hot two ****ing months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. And who came up with the statement "it may be hot, but at least you don't have to shovel it" should die from heat exhaustion. Doesn't it ever rain in this God forsaken place?? [/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS] [*]Aug 14th:[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Welcome to Hell !!! Temperature got to 102 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail. [/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS] [*]Aug 30th:[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Worst day of the summer. I'm not leaving the house. The monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier and drove the damned roaches out of the ground. I wasn't aware they could fly! The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in the Caribbean with its new $500 windshield. [/FONT][/SIZE] [/LIST][SIZE=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]That does it, we're moving back to New York where all you have to worry about is getting mugged, I hope this state breaks in half and floats down to Cuba![/FONT][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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