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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 679831" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><strong>Hollywood Squares: </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course... </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? </strong></p><p><strong>A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!) </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Q. Do female frogs croak? </strong></p><p><strong>A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?</strong></p><p><strong>A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. </strong></p><p><strong>A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? </strong></p><p><strong>A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? </strong></p><p><strong>A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning. </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? </strong></p><p><strong>A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'? </strong></p><p><strong>A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? </strong></p><p><strong>A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? </strong></p><p><strong>A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. </strong></p><p><strong></strong><span style="color: blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: blue"></span><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. </span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Are you going to get any during the first year?</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: red"> </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: red"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">In bowling, what's a perfect score?</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"> </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. </span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">One is politics, what is the other?</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"> </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: red"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: red"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"> </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. </span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">What will a goose do?</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"> </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: red"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: red"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: navy"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: navy"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: red"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: red"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"> </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: red"> </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: red"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"> </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"> </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: red"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: red"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: navy"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">.</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. </span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">What are they? </span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: red"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: red"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Charley Weaver: His feet.</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"> </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: blue"></span></strong><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: navy"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">.</span></span></strong> <strong><span style="color: navy"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: navy"></span></strong><span style="color: blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: blue"></span><strong><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: navy"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">!</span></span></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 679831, member: 1246"] [B]Hollywood Squares: These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course... Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!) Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. [/B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial] Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=navy][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]Are you going to get any during the first year?[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]In bowling, what's a perfect score?[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=navy][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]One is politics, what is the other?[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial] Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=navy][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]What will a goose do?[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=navy] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=navy][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=navy] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=navy][FONT=Arial].[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=navy][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]What are they? [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Charley Weaver: His feet.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Q.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=red][FONT=Arial]According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=navy][FONT=Arial].[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=navy] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=navy][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=navy] [/COLOR][/B][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING[/FONT][/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=navy][FONT=Arial]![/FONT][/COLOR][/B] [/QUOTE]
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