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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 688967" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">A fellow walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">He guesses there must be more than ten thousand dollars in it. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">He approaches the bartender and asks, 'What's with the money in the</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">jar?' </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">'Well.... you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">money and the keys to a brand new Lexus.' </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. And so he asks, What are</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">the three tests? You must pay first... Those are the rules,'says the bartender. So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender the</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">$10 and the bartender stuffs it into the jar. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"> </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">'Okay,' the bartender says, 'Here's what you need to do: </span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in a minute or less,</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">and you can't make a face while doing it. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">have to remove that tooth with your bare hands. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex.. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">You have to take care of that problem!' </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">The man is stunned. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">'I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila, and then do all those</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">other things...' </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">'Your call,' says the bartender...... </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">'But, your money stays where it is.' </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">As time goes on, and the man has a few more drinks, he finally says, </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">'Where's the damn tequila?' </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Tears stream down both cheeks... but he doesn't make a face, and he did</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">it in fifty-eight seconds! </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Next, he staggers out the back door, where he sees the pit bull chained</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">to a pole. Soon the people inside the bar hear growling, biting, and</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">screaming sounds... then nothing but silence! </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Just when they think that the man surely must be dead he staggers back</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">into the bar, with his shirt ripped open and there are scratches and he's</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">bleeding all over his body. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">He says, </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">'Now where's that old woman with the bad tooth?' </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">The moral to the story: </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Listen carefully to the directions, </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">and don't trust your judgment when alcohol is involved </span></span></p><p></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 688967, member: 1246"] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]A fellow walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be more than ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, 'What's with the money in the jar?' 'Well.... you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money and the keys to a brand new Lexus.' The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. And so he asks, What are the three tests? You must pay first... Those are the rules,'says the bartender. So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender the $10 and the bartender stuffs it into the jar. 'Okay,' the bartender says, 'Here's what you need to do: First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in a minute or less, and you can't make a face while doing it. Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands. Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex.. You have to take care of that problem!' The man is stunned. 'I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila, and then do all those other things...' 'Your call,' says the bartender...... 'But, your money stays where it is.' As time goes on, and the man has a few more drinks, he finally says, 'Where's the damn tequila?' He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks... but he doesn't make a face, and he did it in fifty-eight seconds! Next, he staggers out the back door, where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon the people inside the bar hear growling, biting, and screaming sounds... then nothing but silence! Just when they think that the man surely must be dead he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped open and there are scratches and he's bleeding all over his body. He says, 'Now where's that old woman with the bad tooth?' The moral to the story: Listen carefully to the directions, and don't trust your judgment when alcohol is involved [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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