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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 704701" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue">The Best Smart Ass Answers of 2009!!</span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"> </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: teal"><span style="color: teal"><strong></strong></span></span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: teal"><span style="color: teal"><strong>SMART ASS ANSWER #6</strong></span></span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: teal"><span style="color: teal"><strong></strong></span></span></span></strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">It was mealtime during an airline flight.</span></span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">'What are my choices?' John asked.. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">'Yes or no,' she replied.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><strong></strong></span></span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><strong>SMART ASS ANSWER #5</strong></span></span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.</span></span></span></span> </p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and</span></span></span></span> </p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">he opened his trench coat and flashed her.. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><strong>SMART ASS ANSWER #4</strong></span></span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><strong></strong></span></span></span></strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store</span></span></span> </p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.</span></span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead..'</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><strong></strong></span></span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><strong>SMART ASS ANSWER #3</strong></span></span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><strong></strong></span></span></span></strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.</span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.</span></span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: fuchsia"><span style="color: fuchsia"><strong>SMART ASS ANSWER #2</strong></span></span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: fuchsia"><span style="color: fuchsia"><strong></strong></span></span></span></strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read:</span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">Low</span></span></span></span><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"> Bridge</span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"> Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and</span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.</span></span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver,</span></span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'</span></span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span><strong><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue"><strong>SMART ASS <u>ANSWER OF THE YEAR </u>2009!!</strong></span></span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue"><strong></strong></span></span></span></strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.</span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.</span></span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or</span></span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses</span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"> whatsoever!'</span></span></span> </p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">A </span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,</span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and</span></span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering</span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">.</span></span></span> </p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student,</span></span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">shook her head and sweetly said,</span></span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'</span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span><strong><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: fuchsia"><span style="color: fuchsia"><strong>A BONUS <u>EXTRA</u></strong></span></span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: fuchsia"><span style="color: fuchsia"><strong><u></u></strong></span></span></span></strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.</span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,</span></span></span></span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'</span></span></span></span> <span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></span><strong><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue"><strong>The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.</strong></span></span></span></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 704701, member: 1246"] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=6][COLOR=blue][COLOR=blue]The Best Smart Ass Answers of 2009!![/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][B][SIZE=4][COLOR=teal][COLOR=teal][B] SMART ASS ANSWER #6 [/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/B][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] It was mealtime during an airline flight.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]'What are my choices?' John asked.. 'Yes or no,' she replied. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][B][SIZE=4][COLOR=purple][COLOR=purple][B] SMART ASS ANSWER #5[/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/B] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]he opened his trench coat and flashed her.. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.' [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][B][SIZE=4][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][B]SMART ASS ANSWER #4 [/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/B][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead..' [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][B][SIZE=4][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][B] SMART ASS ANSWER #3 [/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/B][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][B][SIZE=4][COLOR=fuchsia][COLOR=fuchsia][B]SMART ASS ANSWER #2 [/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/B][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read:[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]Low[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][COLOR=black][/color][/FONT][COLOR=black][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] Bridge[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/COLOR][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver,[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][B][SIZE=5][COLOR=blue][COLOR=blue][B]SMART ASS [U]ANSWER OF THE YEAR [/U]2009!! [/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/B][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] whatsoever!'[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=2][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]A [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black].[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=2][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student,[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]shook her head and sweetly said,[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][B][SIZE=5][COLOR=fuchsia][COLOR=fuchsia][B]A BONUS [U]EXTRA [/U][/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/B][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][B][SIZE=5][COLOR=blue][COLOR=blue][B]The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.[/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/B] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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