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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 716582" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><strong><em><span style="color: #a13f00"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">I dialed a number and got the following recording: </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">"I am not available right now, but </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">Thank you for caring enough to call. </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">I am making some changes in my life. </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">Please leave a message after the </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">Beep. If I do not return your call, </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">You are one of the changes." </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: #a13f00"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">~~~~~ </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">Aspire to inspire before you expire. </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">~~~~~ </span></span></em></strong><strong><em> </em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em><strong><em> ( I LOVE THIS ONE! ) </em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">My wife and I had words, </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">But I didn't get to use mine. </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">~~~~~ </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">~~~~~ </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: #40005f">The irony of life is that, by the time </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: #40005f">You're old enough to know your way around, </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: #40005f">you're not going anywhere. </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="color: black"> </span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: #40005f">~~~~~ </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="color: black"> </span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">God made man before woman so as to give him time </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">to think of an answer for her first question. </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="color: black"> </span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">~~~~~ </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">I was always taught to respect my elders, </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">But it keeps getting harder to find one. </span></span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="color: black"> </span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">~~~~~ </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">He shoots his friend and kills him. </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends!" </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">************ ********* ********* ********* **** </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">Stress is when wife is pregnant, </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">and Panic is when both are pregnant. </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">************ ********* ********* ********* * </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period? </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em><strong><em><span style="color: black">Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away. </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">A woman asks a man who is traveling with six children, </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">"Are all these kids yours?" </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">are customer complaints". </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?" </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential." </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: black"> </span></em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><u><span style="color: black">Nominated as the best short joke this year... </span></u></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="color: black"> </span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">while taking a bath. </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">"Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?" </span></em></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: black">"Not yet," she replied. </span></em></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 716582, member: 1246"] [B][I][COLOR=#a13f00][FONT=Book Antiqua]I dialed a number and got the following recording: [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black][FONT=Book Antiqua]"I am not available right now, but [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black][FONT=Book Antiqua]Thank you for caring enough to call. [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black][FONT=Book Antiqua]I am making some changes in my life. [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black][FONT=Book Antiqua]Please leave a message after the [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black][FONT=Book Antiqua]Beep. If I do not return your call, [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black][FONT=Book Antiqua]You are one of the changes." [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I] [B][I][COLOR=#a13f00][FONT=Book Antiqua]~~~~~ [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=#40005f][FONT=Book Antiqua]Aspire to inspire before you expire. [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=#40005f][FONT=Book Antiqua]~~~~~ [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B][B][I] [/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I][B][I] ( I LOVE THIS ONE! ) [/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black][FONT=Book Antiqua]My wife and I had words, [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black][FONT=Book Antiqua]But I didn't get to use mine. [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black][FONT=Book Antiqua]~~~~~ [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=#40005f][FONT=Book Antiqua]Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=#40005f][FONT=Book Antiqua]~~~~~ [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=#40005f]The irony of life is that, by the time [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=#40005f]You're old enough to know your way around, [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=#40005f]you're not going anywhere. [/COLOR][/I][/B] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [B][I][COLOR=#40005f]~~~~~ [/COLOR][/I][/B] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [B][I][COLOR=black]God made man before woman so as to give him time [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]to think of an answer for her first question. [/COLOR][/I][/B] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [B][I][COLOR=black]~~~~~ [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=#40005f][FONT=Book Antiqua]I was always taught to respect my elders, [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=#40005f][FONT=Book Antiqua]But it keeps getting harder to find one. [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [B][I][COLOR=black]~~~~~ [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]He shoots his friend and kills him. [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends!" [/COLOR][/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I] [B][I][COLOR=black]************ ********* ********* ********* **** [/COLOR][/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I] [B][I][COLOR=black]What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]Stress is when wife is pregnant, [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]and Panic is when both are pregnant. [/COLOR][/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I] [B][I][COLOR=black]************ ********* ********* ********* * [/COLOR][/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I] [B][I][COLOR=black]Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period? [/COLOR][/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I][B][I][COLOR=black]Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away. [/COLOR][/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I] [B][I][COLOR=black]************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* [/COLOR][/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I] [B][I][COLOR=black]A woman asks a man who is traveling with six children, [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]"Are all these kids yours?" [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]are customer complaints". [/COLOR][/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I] [B][I][COLOR=black]************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* [/COLOR][/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I] [B][I][COLOR=black]A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?" [/COLOR][/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I] [B][I][COLOR=black]Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential." [/COLOR][/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I] [B][I][COLOR=black]************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* [/COLOR][/I][/B] [I][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/I] [B][I][U][COLOR=black]Nominated as the best short joke this year... [/COLOR][/U][/I][/B] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [B][I][COLOR=black]A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]while taking a bath. [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]"Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?" [/COLOR][/I][/B] [B][I][COLOR=black]"Not yet," she replied. [/COLOR][/I][/B] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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