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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 771803" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Algerian'">How to tell if you are in a Redneck Church . . . . . .</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">two women stand up.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">been in a hole it couldn't get out of"</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">directory.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Barbecue.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.(or Vans).</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ...</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear".</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">God Bless Y'all and be sure to don't fergit ta say yer prayer</span></strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">s. </span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 771803, member: 1246"] [B][FONT=Algerian]How to tell if you are in a Redneck Church . . . . . .[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]two women stand up.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]been in a hole it couldn't get out of"[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]directory.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]Barbecue.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.(or Vans).[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ...[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear".[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]God Bless Y'all and be sure to don't fergit ta say yer prayer[/FONT][/B][FONT=Arial]s. [/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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