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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 810400" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><strong><u>ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD</u></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><strong>To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.</strong></span></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><strong>Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m.E.S.T.</strong></span></span></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><strong>I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.</strong></span></span></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><strong>First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... Isn't it?!</strong></span></span></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><strong>I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].</strong></span></span></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><strong>After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I e xplained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!</strong></span></span></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><strong>I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]</strong></span></span></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><strong>I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... After I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire drive r's side of the car.</strong></span></span></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><strong>Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.</strong></span></span></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><strong>The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).</strong></span></span></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">;<strong><strong>In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... But I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!</strong></strong></span></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><strong>Thoughtfully yours,</strong></span></span></span></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><strong>Alex</strong></span></span></span></span></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 810400, member: 1246"] [B][U]ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD[/U][/B] [CENTER][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][B]To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.[/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][B]Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m.E.S.T.[/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][B]I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.[/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][B]First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... Isn't it?![/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][B]I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].[/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][B]After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I e xplained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful![/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][B]I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!][/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][B]I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... After I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire drive r's side of the car.[/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][B]Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.[/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][B]The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).[/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black];[B][B]In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... But I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day![/B][/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][B]Thoughtfully yours,[/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][B]Alex[/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/CENTER] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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