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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 871433" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><span style="font-size: 18px">The Bitter Truth About Men & Women</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"></span><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Shoot him again.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. His body.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. Why do little boys whine?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Because they're practicing to be men.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">OR</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">about the screwing part.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Trustworthy.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. Why do men name their penises?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. To stop the snoring before it starts.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. What's the best way to kill a man?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. What the difference between most men and women...</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need,</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. How does a man keep his youth?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. ...By giving her money, furs and diamond...!</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A. Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><em>By Vicky V.</em></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 871433, member: 1246"] [SIZE=5]The Bitter Truth About Men & Women [/SIZE][SIZE=2][FONT=Arial]Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A. Shoot him again. Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung? A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis? A. His body. Q. Why do little boys whine? A. Because they're practicing to be men. Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. OR A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part. Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? A. Trustworthy. Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born? A. To knock the penises off the smart ones. Q. Why do men name their penises? A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions. Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? A. Because not one will stop and ask directions. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A. To stop the snoring before it starts. Q. What's the best way to kill a man? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one. Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common? A. They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch! Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe. Q. What the difference between most men and women... A. A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need, A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. Q. How does a man keep his youth? A. ...By giving her money, furs and diamond...! Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A. Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"[/FONT] [I]By Vicky V.[/I][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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