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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 896990" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><u><span style="font-family: 'Jokerman'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'jokerman'">British Humor</span></span></span></span></span></u><span style="font-family: 'Jokerman'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'jokerman'"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Jokerman'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'jokerman'"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Jokerman'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'jokerman'"></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">At first, I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">----------------------------------------------------</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #c00000"><span style="color: #c00000"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy!</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">----------------------------------------------------</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other nasty names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary!</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">----------------------------------------------------</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #0070c0"><span style="color: #0070c0"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops - although, they do make me look a bit gay.</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">----------------------------------------------------</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #f79646"><span style="color: #f79646"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">----------------------------------------------------</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #1f497d"><span style="color: #1f497d"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said: "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">----------------------------------------------------</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #7030a0"><span style="color: #7030a0"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend: Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible. Or in other words ........... B.I.G.T.I.T.S.</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">---------------------------------------------------</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #9bbb59"><span style="color: #9bbb59"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot."</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">----------------------------------------------------</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #7030a0"><span style="color: #7030a0"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">----------------------------------------------------</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #632423"><span style="color: #632423"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">Prince William says he doesn't want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #632423"><span style="color: #632423"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">a <img src="http://*" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /><img src="http://*" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /><img src="http://*" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /><img src="http://*" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" />, he's still going.</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">----------------------------------------------------</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #0d0d0d"><span style="color: #0d0d0d"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'arial'">----------------------------------------------------</span></span></span></span></span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"></span></span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 896990, member: 1246"] [U][FONT=Jokerman][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=jokerman]British Humor[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/U][FONT=Jokerman][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=jokerman] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][FONT=arial]At first, I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning![/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=arial] ---------------------------------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=#c00000][COLOR=#c00000][FONT=arial]The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy![/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=arial] ---------------------------------------------------- Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other nasty names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary! ---------------------------------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=#0070c0][COLOR=#0070c0][FONT=arial]The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops - although, they do make me look a bit gay.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=arial] ---------------------------------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=#f79646][COLOR=#f79646][FONT=arial]Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=arial] ---------------------------------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=#1f497d][COLOR=#1f497d][FONT=arial]My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said: "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=arial] ---------------------------------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=#7030a0][COLOR=#7030a0][FONT=arial]Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend: Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible. Or in other words ........... B.I.G.T.I.T.S.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=arial] --------------------------------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=#9bbb59][COLOR=#9bbb59][FONT=arial]Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot."[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=arial] ---------------------------------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=#7030a0][COLOR=#7030a0][FONT=arial]Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=arial] ---------------------------------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=#632423][COLOR=#632423][FONT=arial]Prince William says he doesn't want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a [IMG]*[/IMG][IMG]*[/IMG][IMG]*[/IMG][IMG]*[/IMG], he's still going.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=arial] ---------------------------------------------------- [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=#0d0d0d][COLOR=#0d0d0d][FONT=arial]The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries![/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=arial] ----------------------------------------------------[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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