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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 906595" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">THE MODERN TOOLBOX.........................</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-law's nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice. </span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 906595, member: 1246"] [FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]THE MODERN TOOLBOX......................... Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver. Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka. Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install. Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels. Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself. Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway. Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool. Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911. Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-law's nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house. Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself. Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice. [/COLOR][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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