G.I. Joe To Be Replaced With Genderless G.I. Pat
PAWTUCKET, RI—Hasbro announced today the replacement of its popular G.I. Joe action figure with an updated version that's much more fitting in the current year: G.I. Pat, a genderless take on the action hero.
After public outcry over the extremely masculine G.I. Joe, Hasbro finally caved and agreed to remove the super-macho action hero from store shelves.
"Now you know your gender identity -- and knowing is half the battle!" shouts an actor playing G.I. Pat in a commercial for the new toy as he struggles to light a Molotov cocktail and picks up a brick with the utmost effort. "Now let's go murder some cops!"
The Babylon Bee