I’ve always considered myself to lean more towards the conservative side, but I’m sorry - how can I possibly take seriously a guy who
thinks it might be a good idea to drop nukes into a hurricane (let’s just add more misery to the event, shall we?) Speaking of hurricanes, did you know that Hurricane Florence was “one of the wettest ever, from the standpoint of water”? Yup, according to the Orange Emperor it was. Oh, and he really has a strange relationship with hurricanes. When hurricane Dorian approached, he claimed he’d never heard of a Category 5 hurricane before “didn’t even know such a thing existed” even though he’d already experienced 3 of them during his presidency.
says California could prevent forest fires if it would simply just rake around its trees
said the army took over the air and manned our airports during the battle of independence in 1775 -that wasn’t his fault though because the teleprompter went out - you know, that thing he always criticized his predecessor - that black fella - for using.
stated that if he became president he’d never be on the golf course (like that black fella always was) cuz he’d be too busy working for the American people
claims CFLs are responsible for making his face appear to look like an Oompa Loompa (funny they don’t seem to affect the rest of us that way)
Speaking of CFLs, are you aware they cause cancer? Yup, and windmills too
submits a physical report from his own personal physician who claims he’d be the “healthiest president ever” and as a matter of fact all of his tests came back “positive” (even though tests results that are positive are in fact a negative in the medicine world). Apparently Dr. Quack was absent from medical school the day they taught that)
Thinks its perfectly okay to publicly mock someone’s physical handicap, then claims to have never even met the guy before, even though just prior to launching into his near dead-on impersonation says to his adoring crowd “you gotta see this guy”....hmmm, a rather odd pronouncement to make from someone who never met the guy before.
Denigrates POWS by saying he “likes the ones who didn’t get caught” - meanwhile he excuses himself from military service because those damn bone spurs (remember the healthiest president ever).
Claimed he would
run into a school - unarmed even - to save the lives of children under siege by a mass shooter. The only establishment he would ever even possibly run into is McDonalds. (honestly, can anyone even imagine this tub of orange smegma running
anywhere?)
Allowed himself to be totally duped by a two-bit foreign despot with his love letters - and even saluted a communist military officer along the way (but at least he didn’t bow like that black fella before him did - what a silly Negro)
Says Joe Biden is “really out there”. Not that I disagree with that necessarily, but honestly - pot meet kettle, right?
Referred to his own daughter as a piece of ass
Said Puerto Rico is “an island surrounded by water, big water, ocean water” Well, I guess I can’t argue with that one.
Once stated he could stand in the middle of 5th ave. and shoot somebody and not lose any voters. Again, I guess, (sadly) no argument here.
Said that an “extremely credible source” called his office and told him Barack Obama’s (that damn black fella again) birth certificate was bogus.
Mercilessly fat-shamed someone at one of his rallies whom he thought was a protester but actually turned out to be one of his rabid supporters - loved that one.
Took a golf cart for the 700 yard trip for a photo op at the G7 while every single other world leader present walked the distance. Way to demonstrate that “healthiest president ever” thing to the rest of the planet, Don.
Ah, but Donnie (stable genius that he is) knows that the human body is like a battery, and only has a finite amount of energy which exhausts quicker if you exercise (better slow down on the golf course there, sir, we wouldn’t want to lose ye too soon).
Claimed Ted Cruz’s father was involved in the JFK assassination, not to mention Ted’s wife wasn’t nearly as hot as his own.
Speaking of his wife, Donald claims Mel is fluent in 5 languages - a shame English isn’t one of them.
Claims to have graduated top of his class at Wharton - though there is no documentation backing that up anywhere, and none of his former classmates seem to have any recollection of him - although one of his former professors apparently did - allegedly said he was “the dumbest goddam student I ever had”
“I will build a great wall – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me – and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”
I could go on and on with the wit and witticisms of our Great Pumpkin-in-Chief, but it’s really all rather exhausting - and my body only has a finite amount of energy.
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