Funny Helper Stories

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Yesterday my helper split his pants front to back while we were making a bulk pickup. Good thing he was wearing long johns.

Do any of you have funny or interesting stories about your helpers?

 

[Shifting Contents]

I had one bring back mail that someone had given him. . . three times. . . in one day. That's all I have.

 

[wtfrunner]

After the third stop, my helper asked if he could take a smoke break. Then he decided not to show up the next day. Great start to peak

 

[Cementups]

They told me I was getting a helper on Monday. That passed 5 days ago and still no helper. ha ha ha ha

 

[soberups]

The first helper I ever had, back in 1989, was an old gray-haired black guy who had been a seasonal helper for many years before being teamed up with me. This was before DIADs existed, so we recorded everything on 50-liners with clipboards. He was very good at sheeting packages and had the helper routine down pat.

The problem we ran into was that (a) he didnt have a uniform (b) we were working out of a rental van and (c) we were delivering in a snobby, lilly-white, high-income suburb of Portland (Lake Oswego)where the only black people were either domestic help or members of the Portland Trail Blazers. He was having a hell of a time getting anybody to open the door for him after dark, and on two occasions someone called the cops on us because of the "black guy who was running around peoples yards at night." I finally gave him my hat and a spare vest that I had so that the cops would leave us alone and to keep him from getting shot.

He was a good helper, but he was also a long-term maintainence alcoholic and at 6:00 every evening he would pull out a hip flask and start drinking on the job. I was only 21 at the time, overwhelmed by the stress of my first peak, and a drunk myself... so rather than fire him and start over with a new helper I chose to overlook it. He didnt get sloppy drunk or anything, but by the time we were done (at 9:00 or 10:00 at night) he had a pretty good buzz going.

He wound up being my helper for 3 peak seasons in a row. I dont know whatever became of him, considering the age he was at I am sure he has since passed away.

 

[BrownArmy]

I had a helper for one day who told me right away that he was terrified of dogs and flying on airplanes.

I said, good news and bad news, I'll deal with any dogs, but for the second half of the shift we'll be working out of a helicopter and you'll have to heli-drop the packages.

The look on this kid's face was priceless.

 

[soberups]

I had a 250 lb pregnant woman for a helper one time. No joke. She lasted about half an hour before "falling and hurting her back". She was really diligent about asking me whether or not I witnessed "the incident" and she made sure to document my name and address and the time of day it occurred. I got the very distinct impression that she was highly experienced and skilled at filling out Workmans Comp claims and filing lawsuits.

 

[texan]

I had a 250 lb pregnant woman for a helper one time. No joke. She lasted about half an hour before "falling and hurting her back". She was really diligent about asking me whether or not I witnessed "the incident" and she made sure to document my name and address and the time of day it occurred. I got the very distinct impression that she was highly experienced and skilled at filling out Workmans Comp claims and filing lawsuits.

Shame.

I assume it never went to court as you were not called into court.

I guess we will never know if UPS settled with her or not.

 

[upsmanclt]

Helper rings "doorbell" in garage, garage door closes, helper stuck in dark garage for 5 minutes.

 

[over9five]

Helper rings "doorbell" in garage, garage door closes, helper stuck in dark garage for 5 minutes.

HA!!! I've done that!!!!

 

[nineyearsUGH]

This story is on me. Ten years ago, when I worked as a helper, I was impressed by the knowledge my drivers had about their customers. So when I was given detailed, if strange, instructions, I followed them without question.
I was, according to the driver, not to ring the doorbell, but instead, to drag my hand across the screen of the window that I would pass on my way to the front door.
Whatever, I thought.
When I waved my hand across the window, a cat jumped at my hand, hissing. It scared the crap out of me, and I jumped and screamed.
The driver almost pissed his pants laughing.

 

[scratch]

Helper rings "doorbell" in garage, garage door closes, helper stuck in dark garage for 5 minutes.

When I was being trained as a driver my first week, my supervisor pulled that trick on me. He told me to go into the garage and ring the "door bell" on the left that had the wires running up the wall. It was the garage door switch, the door started going down and I can still remember how he was laughing at me.

I had a supervisor show up at a meet point to bring a uniform to the new helper I was getting to train about ten years ago. The helper showed up, she looked like she was about 65 years old and could hardly move. I pulled my supervisor to the side and said, "Are you kidding me?, no way." He apologized to the woman and told her that he had another driver that needed her more. That supervisor is now my Center Manager, and he still tells that story to people about how I refused to work with that helper.

 

[over9five]

Similar thread from a few years back:

http://www.browncafe.com/forum/f6/x-mas-helper-stories-272660/

 

[brownmonster]

My helper popped the snap on his pants at our second stop Tuesday. Spent the next 40 minutes asking for safety pins. No one had any. Finally dropped him off at a grocery store and he came out later with a shoe string tied to his belt loops.

 

[Shifting Contents]

Helper rings "doorbell" in garage, garage door closes, helper stuck in dark garage for 5 minutes.

HA!!! I've done that!!!!

Me too.

 

[104Feeder]

The first helper I ever had, back in 1989, was an old gray-haired black guy who had been a seasonal helper for many years before being teamed up with me. This was before DIADs existed, so we recorded everything on 50-liners with clipboards. He was very good at sheeting packages and had the helper routine down pat.

The problem we ran into was that (a) he didnt have a uniform (b) we were working out of a rental van and (c) we were delivering in a snobby, lilly-white, high-income suburb of Portland (Lake Oswego)where the only black people were either domestic help or members of the Portland Trail Blazers. He was having a hell of a time getting anybody to open the door for him after dark, and on two occasions someone called the cops on us because of the "black guy who was running around peoples yards at night." I finally gave him my hat and a spare vest that I had so that the cops would leave us alone and to keep him from getting shot.

He was a good helper, but he was also a long-term maintainence alcoholic and at 6:00 every evening he would pull out a hip flask and start drinking on the job. I was only 21 at the time, overwhelmed by the stress of my first peak, and a drunk myself... so rather than fire him and start over with a new helper I chose to overlook it. He didnt get sloppy drunk or anything, but by the time we were done (at 9:00 or 10:00 at night) he had a pretty good buzz going.

He wound up being my helper for 3 peak seasons in a row. I dont know whatever became of him, considering the age he was at I am sure he has since passed away.

Similar story: the suburb I delivered in was 98% white and I had a black helper one year. Nice guy but he was constantly trying to network with me and everyone else. I always would tell the helpers that I didn't have any vicious dogs on the route, as I had never encountered any. Apparently there are a bunch of racist dogs in this town because he found all of them, including the 20 year old hound dog that I had never seen move that came snarling out of the garage and 'treed' him in the package car with the door shut.
Pretty sure he never sought a career as a veterinarian.

 

[soberups]

One year I had an attractive young female helper who became an object of sick fascination for a perv customer who apparently did nothing but sit inside his dumpy apartment all day watching porn. He was ordering porn DVD's and when my helper delivered them he would make inappropriate and disgusting comments to her. After the third time it happened she complained to me about it so from that point onward I delivered the stop myself and had her wait in the car. The look of disappointment on the pervs face when he saw ugly old me standing there instead of her was priceless. I puffed my shoulders up to look all big and mean, I rudely shoved the package and the DIAD right at him, and I gave him the evil stare while he signed for his porn. He kept trying to look around me to see if she was in the car, and I would keep moving from side to side to block his view. I pretty much had a free pass on being a total jerk to him from that point onward; had he called in a complaint on me he would have had to admit to buying porn and my helper could have testified to his disgusting behavior. Eventually he switched over to internet porn and I never had to deliver anything to him again.

 

[undies]

The first helper I ever had, back in 1989, was an old gray-haired black guy who had been a seasonal helper for many years before being teamed up with me. This was before DIADs existed, so we recorded everything on 50-liners with clipboards. He was very good at sheeting packages and had the helper routine down pat.

The problem we ran into was that (a) he didnt have a uniform (b) we were working out of a rental van and (c) we were delivering in a snobby, lilly-white, high-income suburb of Portland (Lake Oswego)where the only black people were either domestic help or members of the Portland Trail Blazers. He was having a hell of a time getting anybody to open the door for him after dark, and on two occasions someone called the cops on us because of the "black guy who was running around peoples yards at night." I finally gave him my hat and a spare vest that I had so that the cops would leave us alone and to keep him from getting shot.

He was a good helper, but he was also a long-term maintainence alcoholic and at 6:00 every evening he would pull out a hip flask and start drinking on the job. I was only 21 at the time, overwhelmed by the stress of my first peak, and a drunk myself... so rather than fire him and start over with a new helper I chose to overlook it. He didnt get sloppy drunk or anything, but by the time we were done (at 9:00 or 10:00 at night) he had a pretty good buzz going.

He wound up being my helper for 3 peak seasons in a row. I dont know whatever became of him, considering the age he was at I am sure he has since passed away.

This story is not funny at all. In fact, it's quite depressing!~

 

[soberups]

This story is not funny at all. In fact, it's quite depressing!~

The helper and I both got a good laugh out of it.

 

[728ups]

about 20 years ago my helper and a friend of his were caught by the police going back after hours and stealing any packages he had delivered earlier that were still on the porch