One liners, short jokes, funny sayings, puns, etal

[DoubleBag17]

What do gay horses eat???

Haaaaaaayyyyyyyy
(in a long drawn out gay voice)

 

[moreluck]

Tell the barista your name is Beetlejuice and quietly walk out.

 

[moreluck]

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?

A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

 

[Future]

What do gay horses eat???

Haaaaaaayyyyyyyy
(in a long drawn out gay voice)

Oldie ...but a goodie

 

[moreluck]

A woman walks into her psychiatrist's office and says, 'Hey doc, you know how we have been talking about saying things that don't come out the way we meant them to?'
The psychiatrist replies, 'You mean Freudian slips?'
'Exactly, those. Well, I had the most amazing one last night. I was eating dinner with my husband, and I meant to say, 'Honey, could you please pass the salt,' but instead I said, 'You damn fool, you ruined my life.''

 

[Whitelexus]

What do you call it when October ends?
Octover bahaha

 

[Whitelexus]

I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted!

 

[moreluck]

Husband's note on refrigerator for wife:
Someone from the Gyna Colleges called.
They said the Pabst beer is normal.
I didn't know you liked beer.

 

[moreluck]

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

 

[moreluck]

Author: Well, the upshot of it was, that after ten years, I realized I had absolutely no talent for writing.
Friend: So, you gave up?
Author: No, I couldn't. By then, I was too famous.

 

[moreluck]

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

 

[moreluck]

For all those men who say "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Here's an update for you. Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.....

 

[moreluck]

"Old English teachers never die - they just parse away.”

 

[moreluck]

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?"
He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"

 

[Whitelexus]

R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.

 

[moreluck]

“Exterminators never die - they are just gnat seen anymore.”

 

[Whitelexus]

Pretty ugly

 

[KOG72]

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?

A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Lol

 

[KOG72]

R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.

Knee slapper

 

[moreluck]

“An angry skunk will reek its vengeance.”