One liners, short jokes, funny sayings, puns, etal
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moreluck
golden ticket member
Final Arrangements
My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements and the director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were on display.
After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided.
She sighed, "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into the ground."
After a moment's pause, however, she continued, "But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue!"
My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements and the director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were on display.
After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided.
She sighed, "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into the ground."
After a moment's pause, however, she continued, "But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue!"
moreluck
golden ticket member
A Sunday school teacher asked her second graders if anyone knew another name for God. She was picturing answers like 'Lord' or 'Almighty'.
After a long moment of silence a little boy raised his hand and said, "Howard."
"Howard?" replied the confused teacher.
"You know," continued the boy, "Howard be thy name."
After a long moment of silence a little boy raised his hand and said, "Howard."
"Howard?" replied the confused teacher.
"You know," continued the boy, "Howard be thy name."
moreluck
golden ticket member
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.
The difference between a stepping stone and a stumbling block can be when you see it.
.
The difficulty with a research grant is that if you solve the problem, you're out of a job.
The early bird who catches the worm usually works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.
The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.
The difference between a stepping stone and a stumbling block can be when you see it.
.
The difficulty with a research grant is that if you solve the problem, you're out of a job.
The early bird who catches the worm usually works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.
The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.
moreluck
golden ticket member
This guy, caught up in the fitness craze, joined a club that offered a reasonably priced membership. Not surprisingly, he never went after the first month. Even so, a year later he hurried back to renew.
"Do you guys have a name for people like me who join and never show up?" he jokingly asked the man behind the counter.
"Sure," he responded with a grin. "Profit."
"Do you guys have a name for people like me who join and never show up?" he jokingly asked the man behind the counter.
"Sure," he responded with a grin. "Profit."
moreluck
golden ticket member
Hold On
While in college I had a job with a delivery company. As this was before GPS I was getting phone directions to a customer's home.
The woman very specifically said, "From the main road in the center of town, go down two lights. Look for the post office. Turn left onto the next street. Go 1.3 miles. Drive past one red hydrant and then take the next right. Go 50 yards. My driveway is the second on the right and the number is on the mailbox."
As I entered the information into my computer, I asked, "What color is your house?"
The woman paused a second and said, "Hold on. I'll go check."
While in college I had a job with a delivery company. As this was before GPS I was getting phone directions to a customer's home.
The woman very specifically said, "From the main road in the center of town, go down two lights. Look for the post office. Turn left onto the next street. Go 1.3 miles. Drive past one red hydrant and then take the next right. Go 50 yards. My driveway is the second on the right and the number is on the mailbox."
As I entered the information into my computer, I asked, "What color is your house?"
The woman paused a second and said, "Hold on. I'll go check."
moreluck
golden ticket member
Blonde quickies
Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A: "All the blondes have gone home!"
Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"
Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax)
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A: "All the blondes have gone home!"
Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"
Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax)
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
moreluck
golden ticket member
There Once Was A Poet Named Bates
Posted: 6/22/2015
His poems weren't always first rate, His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had, Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.
A woman will appear on the $10 bill!!
Posted: 6/19/2015
It will be the first $10 bill to be worth $7.50
Life is like a box of chocolates
Posted: 6/18/2015
It doesn't last as long for fat people.
Posted: 6/22/2015
His poems weren't always first rate, His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had, Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.
A woman will appear on the $10 bill!!
Posted: 6/19/2015
It will be the first $10 bill to be worth $7.50
Life is like a box of chocolates
Posted: 6/18/2015
It doesn't last as long for fat people.
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