My second father's day without him...
Damn, I found the Father's Day card I never gave him.
A Hallmark music card...it plays
He had a drawer full of untouchable treasures.
I cleaned it out and learned more about the man I called Daddy.
I found the newspaper clipping from a snow storm that mentioned me, not by name but by occupation, the only female Coca-Cola driver in the area.
I never thought he knew very much about me or even, for all that mattered, cared enough to know me.
A few days before he left us, he was in good spirits, he told the Hospice nurse that my favorite show was "Ice Road Truckers." I loved watching it with him on his new flat screen HD.
Most of all, I wasn't always a good girl. I would have bloody screaming fights with him. They always ended with me slamming my bedroom door and cranking my favorite Styx album loud.
Very loud.
I cranked the Crystal Ball album loud to piss him off.
When the needle made it to, This Old Man, I finally, after years or door slamming, understood that this song was about him.
What I didn't know, he loved Clair De Lune / Ballerina and never complained about me cranking the music. Thus, I failed at pissing him off...damn, if I only knew that then.
I listened to this over and over when he left us...
I have one regret. He did not know I was dx'd with MS. I told him the day before he died. This was selfish of me. I made myself feel better by telling him when he was beyond understanding.
