Good Quotes

[moreluck]

*I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter. (Steven Wright)

*I'm taking Lamaze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing. (Steven Wright)

*My girlfriend is weird. She asked me, "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?" I said, "No." She said, "Okay, then forget it." (Steven Wright)

*I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time". (Steven Wright)

*Hermits have no peer pressure. (Steven Wright)

*Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. (Steven Wright)

*There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. (Steven Wright)

*How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there? (Steven Wright)

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Steven Wright is the kind of comic who makes you work. He doesn't spoon feed you his material----you have to sit and listen intently as much of it is far too subtle for the casual observer. My humor tends to be on the dry side but nothing like his.

 

[Catatonic]

Steven Wright is the kind of comic who makes you work. He doesn't spoon feed you his material----you have to sit and listen intently as much of it is far too subtle for the casual observer. My humor tends to be on the dry side but nothing like his.

Damn! All this time and there was subtle humor in your posts when we thought it was just being mean and grouchy!

 

[tipsbunch]

It wouldn't let me get to the quotes.....so I started a new one.

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should laugh and dance!
Life's greatest satisfactions include getting the last laugh, having the last word, and paying the last installment.
"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why it's recommend it daily."
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

in short...LET US ENJOY LIFE

 

[moreluck]

Destroy my enemies when I make them my friends. - Abraham Lincoln -
Old fishermen never die--they just smell that way.
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
What one has, one ought to use; and whatever he does, he should do with all his might.

 

[anonymous6]

it is better to rule in hell than serve in heaven.

 

[moreluck]

"It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air." (W.T. Ellis)

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history, SPADES - King David; CLUBS - Alexander the Great; HEARTS - Charlemagne; DIAMONDS - Julius Caesar.

 

[moreluck]

I'm young at heart, but slightly older in other places.

 

[moreluck]

Ever wonder who the genius is who decided to put fire hydrants in all the good parking spots?

 

[moreluck]

The certainty that the sun will rise each morning is one of the basic touchstones in our lives. Are we aware of what a gift that is for us? We take so much for granted.

Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

 

[moreluck]

Nowadays a politician is a guy who divides his time between running for office and running for cover.

"A real friend is someone who takes a winter vacation on a sun- drenched beach and does not send a card." (Farmer's Almanac)

 

[moreluck]

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don't clean it up too quickly.

Enthusiasm can be like a fire that needs an occasional poke with a stick.
Getting older, everything gets worse; except forgetfulness... That gets better.

 

[moreluck]

Wealth is not having possessions; it is having few wants.

TEENAGERS - People who are doing the things you wish we had thought of when we were younger.

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

If you aren't living on the edge, then you are taking up too much space .

Santa Claus takes a week to distribute the presents, and we hold the bag for the other fifty-one.

 

[moreluck]

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ~Norman Vincent Peale


Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home. ~Carol Nelson


He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. ~Roy L. Smith
Christmas is the gentlest, loveliest festival of the revolving year - and yet, for all that, when it speaks, its voice has strong authority. ~W.J. Cameron


The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. ~Burton Hillis


One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly. ~Andy Rooney
Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves. ~Eric Sevareid


Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time. ~Laura Ingalls Wilder


May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! ~Author Unknown


I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. ~Charles Dickens


Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. ~Larry Wilde, The Merry Book of Christmas


Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart. ~Washington Irving

 

[moreluck]

LAUGHING STOCK - Cattle, horses, sheep and hogs responding to a good joke.

VITAMIN - What you do when someone comes to the house.

If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.

A retired husband is a wife's full time job.

"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of." ~Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)~

God creates a worm for every bird - but He does not throw it in the nest.

 

[moreluck]

My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy! ~Thomas Jefferson~

ARGUMENT (ahr•gyoo•munt) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, and continues until he realizes it.

TATERCRATER - hole dug in mashed potatoes to keep the gravy in.

"Music is well said to be the speech of angels." (Thomas Carlyle)

 

[moreluck]

They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

TRANSFER - a promotion received on the condition that one leave town.

TRANSISTOR - a girl who used to be your brother.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

TRANSFER - a promotion received on the condition that one leave town.

TRANSISTOR - a girl who used to be your brother.

Only the first of the three is an actual quote. The other two are "definitions".

 

[moreluck]

Nothing else to do on a Sunday morning ???????

Good, Now I'll start another thread to keep these 2 monsters (quotes & defnitions) separated for your anal needs..

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Why do you think that you should get a free pass to do whatever you want on this forum?