Good Quotes
- Thread starter moreluck
- Start date
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
You started the thread----stick to the subject matter.
moreluck
golden ticket member
I live on a one-way dead-end street. (Steven Wright)
*It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. (Steven Wright)
*Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out. (Steven Wright)
*I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, "No thanks -- I'm not going that far." (Steven Wright)
*I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lives next door complained. (Steven Wright)
*It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. (Steven Wright)
*Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out. (Steven Wright)
*I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, "No thanks -- I'm not going that far." (Steven Wright)
*I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lives next door complained. (Steven Wright)
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
Steven Wright is an underappreciated talent.
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
This Upstate guy sounds like a very wise person.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.
What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
moreluck
golden ticket member
There are two rules for success: 1) Don't tell all you know.
I love everything about family dinners, except the heat, the food, the flies, and the family. ~J.Wagner~
Happiness and laughter in the home will keep more kids off the streets at night than the strictest curfew.
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
I love everything about family dinners, except the heat, the food, the flies, and the family. ~J.Wagner~
Happiness and laughter in the home will keep more kids off the streets at night than the strictest curfew.
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
moreluck
golden ticket member
New Year's Quotes..........
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. ~Bill Vaughn
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~Bill Vaughan
Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. ~Author Unknown
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. ~Author Unknown
Be at War with your Vices, at Peace with your Neighbours, and let every New-Year find you a better Man. ~Quoted in Benjamin Franklin's 1755 Poor Richard's Almanac
New Year's Day is every man's birthday. ~Charles Lamb
Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. ~John Selden
Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. ~Hal Borland
The merry year is born
Like the bright berry from the naked thorn.
~Hartley Coleridge
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. ~Bill Vaughn
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~Bill Vaughan
Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. ~Author Unknown
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. ~Author Unknown
Be at War with your Vices, at Peace with your Neighbours, and let every New-Year find you a better Man. ~Quoted in Benjamin Franklin's 1755 Poor Richard's Almanac
New Year's Day is every man's birthday. ~Charles Lamb
Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. ~John Selden
Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. ~Hal Borland
The merry year is born
Like the bright berry from the naked thorn.
~Hartley Coleridge
moreluck
golden ticket member
They aren't making mirrors the way they used to. The ones I buy now are full of wrinkles. - Phillis Diller -
"Don't assume you're always going to be understood. I wrote in a column that one should put a cup of liquid in the cavity of a turkey when roasting it. Someone wrote me that: 'The turkey tasted great, but the plastic cup melted.'" (Heloise)
.
"Don't assume you're always going to be understood. I wrote in a column that one should put a cup of liquid in the cavity of a turkey when roasting it. Someone wrote me that: 'The turkey tasted great, but the plastic cup melted.'" (Heloise)
.
moreluck
golden ticket member
"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day." (Irv Kupcinet)
Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
moreluck
golden ticket member
Washington, D.C. Serves a very important function in our system of government. It keeps all the politicians in one place where it's easier to keep an eye on them.
If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?
A famous pessimist is said to carry a card in his wallet that reads, "In case of an accident, I'm not surprised."
If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?
A famous pessimist is said to carry a card in his wallet that reads, "In case of an accident, I'm not surprised."
moreluck
golden ticket member
Don’t we all miss ole Phyllis just a little bit?
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
moreluck
golden ticket member
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
Happiness is what happens to us when we try to make someone else happy.
You know you're getting older when pillowcase lines on your face last until it's time for your afternoon nap.
We often see further through a tear, than through a telescope.
Happiness is what happens to us when we try to make someone else happy.
You know you're getting older when pillowcase lines on your face last until it's time for your afternoon nap.
We often see further through a tear, than through a telescope.
moreluck
golden ticket member
If God didn’t forgive Heaven would be empty.
A sweater is usually put on a child when the parent feels chilly
.
The city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo.
It’s not your salary that makes you rich, it’s your spending habits.
People never say "It’s only a game" when they’re winning.
A sweater is usually put on a child when the parent feels chilly
.
The city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo.
It’s not your salary that makes you rich, it’s your spending habits.
People never say "It’s only a game" when they’re winning.
moreluck
golden ticket member
More Phyllis......
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
moreluck
golden ticket member
Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
It is amazing how nice people are to you when they know you’re going away.
Before you point your fingers be sure your hands are clean.
Flowers are words which even a baby can understand.
Children who never come when called will grow up to be doctors. Children who come before they are called will grow up to be lawyers.
It is amazing how nice people are to you when they know you’re going away.
Before you point your fingers be sure your hands are clean.
Flowers are words which even a baby can understand.
Children who never come when called will grow up to be doctors. Children who come before they are called will grow up to be lawyers.
moreluck
golden ticket member
The reason a lot of people do not recognize opportunity is because it usually goes around wearing overalls looking like hard work." ~Thomas Edison~
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you in the mirror every morning.
Let us all be happy and live within our means, even if we have to borrow money to do it with.
How do you start your days?
Good morning Lord or Good Lord, morning.
He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey.
He who blames himself is halfway there.
He who blames no one has arrived.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you in the mirror every morning.
Let us all be happy and live within our means, even if we have to borrow money to do it with.
How do you start your days?
Good morning Lord or Good Lord, morning.
He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey.
He who blames himself is halfway there.
He who blames no one has arrived.
