Jokes-Because we could always use a good laugh

[Operational needs]

Here's a puzzle that has confounded

even the brightest among us.



You are on a Horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop off.
And on your left side is an Elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping Kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a Lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


See answer below
















Get your drunk ass off the
merry-go-round.

 

[Operational needs]

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

 

[Operational needs]

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

 

[Operational needs]

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

 

[Operational needs]

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

 

[IVE GOTTA PACKAGE 4U]

Husband comes home from work and sees his wife putting suitcases in the car.
He says where are you going? She says I'm going to Vegas.
He says why Vegas? She replies I heard they pay $500 for a b J.
He says okay I'm going with you she says why?
Because I want to see you live on $500 a year B*

 

[Operational needs]

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.

 

[IVE GOTTA PACKAGE 4U]

Did you hear about the pollock that froze the death at the drive-in?













He went to see closed for the winter

 

[Operational needs]

How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don't need a partner.

 

[Operational needs]

If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

 

[floridays]

Did you hear about the pollock that froze the death at the drive-in?













He went to see closed for the winter

Polack, fish lips.
It was a polack found as frozen as a pollock.

 

[floridays]

Chick has some funny stuff

 

[sailfish]

An Asian guy goes to get an eye exam. During the exam, the doctor says to him,
"Did you know you have a cataract?"
To which he responds,








"No, I drive a Rinkin."

 

[floridays]

Chick goes to doctor

Doctor
"I think you have acute angina"

Chick
"What do you think about my tits?"

 

[sailfish]

So a guy with a big orange head walks into a bar. And I mean like literally, a big orange head. He sits down and orders a drink and the bartender asks him why he has a big orange head. So he begins his story,

"Well, I was walking along the beach one day and found a magic lamp sticking out of the sand. I picked it up and rubbed it and a genie appeared. He said he would grant me three wishes. So first, I wished to be the wealthiest man in the world. The genie did his thing and told me it was now in my bank account. For my second wish, I wished that I was married to the most beautiful woman in the world. And just like that, there she was on the beach with me."

With growing anticipation, the bartender looked at him intently and asked, "So what was your third wish?" The guy paused for a moment and sighed. Then he replied,

"Well, that's probably where I went wrong. You see, I wished for a big orange head."

 

[Operational needs]

An outdated lady walked right into a dentist’s office, took off all her garments, and unfold her legs. The dentist stated, “I think you have the wrong room.” “You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” she replied. “Now you have to remove them”.

 

[Operational needs]

 

[Operational needs]

 

[floridays]

View attachment 354515

Not true, that happened at the altar.

 

[Operational needs]

Not true, that happened at the altar.

Well, that ain’t right.