One liners, short jokes, funny sayings, puns, etal
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moreluck
golden ticket member
You should not confuse your career with your life.
No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
When trouble arises & things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution & is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Never lick a steak knife.
No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
When trouble arises & things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution & is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Never lick a steak knife.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
Your REAL friends still love you anyway.
"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
Your REAL friends still love you anyway.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Researchers engaged in a study of longevity in mammals recently focused on a particular species of porpoise, which they studied from their floating laboratory off the coast of Baja California. They believed that, if fed just the right combination of nutrients, this particular porpoise could, in theory, live forever.
To test the theory, they studied many species to see if any naturally occurring organism would have the right combination of nutrients. They discovered a selection in an unusual species of Mynah bird from Kenya, and they sent out a team to gather a specimen.
The specific Mynah bird species was rare, only known to be living in a single tree. The research team arrived at the tree to capture a bird, only to find that the tree was surrounded by several lions underneath.
A suggestion was made that the lions might be manageable if they could be fed, and a couple of antelope were captured and offered to the lions. The hungry lions devoured the animals and lay down to rest after their meal.
One of the researchers then carefully slipped past the lions, climbed the tree, and easily captured one of the Mynah birds. He climbed down the tree and walked past the lions to rejoin the researchers. Just then, a game warden appeared and arrested the researcher for "Transporting Mynahs across sated lions for immortal porpoises."
To test the theory, they studied many species to see if any naturally occurring organism would have the right combination of nutrients. They discovered a selection in an unusual species of Mynah bird from Kenya, and they sent out a team to gather a specimen.
The specific Mynah bird species was rare, only known to be living in a single tree. The research team arrived at the tree to capture a bird, only to find that the tree was surrounded by several lions underneath.
A suggestion was made that the lions might be manageable if they could be fed, and a couple of antelope were captured and offered to the lions. The hungry lions devoured the animals and lay down to rest after their meal.
One of the researchers then carefully slipped past the lions, climbed the tree, and easily captured one of the Mynah birds. He climbed down the tree and walked past the lions to rejoin the researchers. Just then, a game warden appeared and arrested the researcher for "Transporting Mynahs across sated lions for immortal porpoises."
moreluck
golden ticket member
The Shortest Books Ever Written.....
1000 Years of German Humor
Everything Men Know About Women
The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
Italian War Heroes
Who's who in Puerto Rico
Americans' Guide to Etiquette
Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages
Safe Places to Travel in the USA
Jerry Garcia's Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
Contraception by Pope John Paul II
Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
Gun Control for The New Millenium: NRA Handbook
1000 Years of German Humor
Everything Men Know About Women
The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
Italian War Heroes
Who's who in Puerto Rico
Americans' Guide to Etiquette
Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages
Safe Places to Travel in the USA
Jerry Garcia's Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
Contraception by Pope John Paul II
Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
Gun Control for The New Millenium: NRA Handbook
moreluck
golden ticket member
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