Spouses & Friends, Truths & Lies

[User Name]

I have been married three years and been with my wife for seven years and just found out that she has a sister... wow.. somebody hasn't been paying attention...

 

[wisedragonfly]

I'm in the "tell your spouse everything" camp. No secrets in this house. A friend should know better than to ask you to keep secrets from your wife/husband.

I'm with Jones! A real friend would not have burdened you with a secret that couldn't be told to your spouse.

 

[stevetheupsguy]

I have been married three years and been with my wife for seven years and just found out that she has a sister... wow.. somebody hasn't been paying attention...

My wife has a sister that we have known about, all along, except, we act like she doesn't exist, LOL, j/k.

 

[dilligaf]

I find the whole situation very frustrating. Pillow talk is going to happen and anyone that thinks otherwise is not living in the real world.

 

[soberups]

I am a member of a 12-step support group for alcholics, and as part of my recovery I work with other men. We share extremely personal and painful details about our lives with one another in order to help us come to terms with our past and stay honest and accountable. It would be a gross violation of another mans privacy for me to share any of that stuff with my wife. It has nothing to do with "keeping secrets" from her, and everything to do with maintaining the confidence that another person has entrusted me with. My wife fully supports what I do and knows better than to ask for personal details about other people that I am morally obligated not to share.

 

[dilligaf]

Sober, that I fully understand. I have been involved with the 12 step (a very close friend of mine). I understand the confidentiality involved in the 12 step program. And I personally want to thank you for being a sponsor. It is not easy being in your position. I commend your wife for understanding and supporting you.

 

[trplnkl]

I am a member of a 12-step support group for alcholics, and as part of my recovery I work with other men. We share extremely personal and painful details about our lives with one another in order to help us come to terms with our past and stay honest and accountable. It would be a gross violation of another mans privacy for me to share any of that stuff with my wife. It has nothing to do with "keeping secrets" from her, and everything to do with maintaining the confidence that another person has entrusted me with. My wife fully supports what I do and knows better than to ask for personal details about other people that I am morally obligated not to share.

That's a totally different thing Sober, it kinda goes without saying that you will keep that to yourself. It's not like a friend telling you a "secret" and asking you not to tell your wife.

 

[trplnkl]

You have it backwards Trpl. I wasn't the one that was asked to keep the secret.

Same scenario just different players.

 

[UPSERNOJ]

All depends on the secret. There are some things you mention and some things not worth mentioning.

 

[jennie]

I'm not sure. There's probably hundreds of things one of us knows that the other doesn't. I'm sure my wife keeps lots of peoples secrets!

Maybe there's situations where you can't or shouldn't keep something secret from your spouse.

But your scenario said to keep a secret about something happening in the friends life. I took that to mean it had nothing to do with your spouse. If your friend doesn't want your hubby to know about it (and it has nothing to do with your hubby), I think it's fine not to tell your hubby.

Believe me, as a hubby, I really don't even want to know what is going on in my wifes friends lives!!!

But I think this secret is very specific to you, so I'm not sure we can relate to it not knowing what/who it involves.

Over 9 perfectly said!!