Good Quotes

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Ninety percent of politics is deciding whom to blame.

"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie." (Jim Davis)

If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?

Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it.

 

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No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils. ~Henry Ward Beecher~



A morning without coffee is like sleep. ~Author Unknown~



I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. ~Flash Rosenberg~



As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. ~Author Unknown~



Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. ~Author Unknown~



Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with. ~Terri Guillemets~



Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee. ~Author Unknown~

 

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For Catholics, today is Ash Wednesday. For Rastafarians, I believe it's called Hash Wednesday.

[Ash Wednesday] was the beginning of discerning what it was that I really wanted.
Jenni Friedman


Ash Wednesday is a reminder of our humanity.
Jenni Friedman


Today is Ash Wednesday, a day when we contemplate our mortality. I rubbed my cancer scar, said a prayer of thanks and moved on.

Ash Wednesday a day that reminds us were not here forever, and challenges us to live the very best everyday.

Praying with all who enter into a special fast and spiritual sobriety today on Ash Wednesday. May we all come before our Savior in humility.

 

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We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

 

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Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of a girl wearing one?

Wisdom has two parts:

1) Having a lot to say.
2) Not saying it

"At my age, when a girl flirts with me in the movies, she's after my popcorn." - Milton Berle -

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

 

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By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.

The more you know, the more you know you ought to know.

"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late." (Henny Youngman...1906--1998)

Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week. - Will Rogers -

 

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If someone comments that he took a financial beating in the market, he might be talking about the supermarket.

"When I was a baby, my father used to throw me up in the air and then...answer the phone." --Rita Rudner -

"I have no respect for gangs today. None. They just drive by and shoot people. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance with each other." --Robert G.-

 

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A small town is a place where there is little to see or do, but what you hear makes up for it.

GREETING CARDS: When you care enough to send the very best but not enough to actually write something.

 

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Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.

I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators. - Gerald Ford -

"It is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it." ~W. Somerset Maugham~

 

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History repeats itself, but each time the price goes up.

An attitude is contagious. Is yours worth catching?

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Those who do not read are no better off than those who cannot.

Football players are like airline passengers. Both want safe touchdowns.

 

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Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

The most important thing you can take anywhere is not a Gucci bag, it's an open mind.

My wife complains her clothes are so old, they were made in America.

He who hesitates is boss.

 

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I want to know how anyone knows there are no two snowflakes alike?

USER ERROR: Replace user and press any key to continue.

Money may buy a bed, books, food, and finery, yet not sleep, brains, appetite, or natural beauty.

 

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If you don't have enemies, you don't have character.

Walter Matthau was once asked whether he resented his wife having the last word. "I never mind my wife having the last word," he replied. "In fact, I'm delighted when she gets to it!"

 

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"My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away. As long as I don't enjoy myself." ~Lee Trevino~

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife. - Bruce Lansky -

You're better off betting on a horse than betting on a man. A horse may not be able to hold you tight, but he doesn't wanna wonder from the stable at night.

 

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There are three rules for a caddie to live by: show up, keep up, shut up.
A man is like a cat: chase him and he will run; sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.

 

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Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

For every problem there's a simple solution. Unfortunately it's usually wrong.

 

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Tired of conflicting views from economists, President Harry S. Truman expressed his frustration and joked, "All my economists say, 'on one hand...on the other.' Give me a one-handed economist!"

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin -

Man is owned by the company nobody knows he's keeping.

 

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Einstein,.........

Albert Einstein was once selected "Man of the Century" by Time Magazine for his Theory of Relativity. Here is some of his "down-to-earth" wit and wisdom:


If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe.

Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

A + B + C = Success if, A = Hard Work, B = Hard Play, C = Keeping your mouth shut.

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.
Sit next to a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.
That's relativity.

God is subtle, but he is not malicious

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

 

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"Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears.. The woman came out of a man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.”

Women want a relationship without the complication of unnecessary sex. Men want sex without the complication of an unnecessary relationship.

There was a politician who refused to listen to his conscience. He didn't want to take advice from a total stranger.

That day I played golf, I was three over. One over a patio, one over a house, and one over a swimming pool. - George Brett -

"God give me work, till my life shall end...And life, till my work is done." (Epitaph of Winifred Holtby...1898-1935...English Novelist and Journalist)

"Do your work with your whole heart, and you will succeed - there's so little competition." (Author Unknown)

During the debate, a candidate was asked by a lady to name three mistakes he's made. The candidate responded, "This debate, the last debate and the next debate."

 

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If people listened to themselves, they would shut up.

Women put a lot of thought into what their butts look like. Men aren't even aware of the fact that they have a butt until it starts itching. - Jeff Foxworthy -

QUESTION: How do men define a 50-50 relationship?
ANSWER: She cooks I eat, she cleans I dirty, she irons I wrinkle.