Amusing UPS Stories

[HEFFERNAN]

How 'bout this one.

I was delivering in a housing authority on a hot summer day. I pull up to the apartment and go to the back to grab their package. All of a sudden I hear some kid yelling for my attention from the driver side of the car. As I walk out into the cab facing the driver door, another kid on the other side throws a water balloon square into my face. I was totally stunned because I didnt hear him there. They run laughing as I'm standing there figuring out what to do. I was pissed but I just grabbed the box and made the delivery attempt.
It was about 90 degrees outside so the water did feel good at the time. It's not like I was gonna chase a couple of 11 year olds and beat the crap out of them
My friends always bring it up when we're talking about UPS

 

[Don't Wig out]

To the east coast rep:


The bad news is your son may never grace the roads in a big brown package van


Good news: Could be driving a "Big Red Car"

 

[greiver078]

Our unload supe was chating with an unloader on break about this bed and breakfast they stayed at where they were the only straght couple out of like 15 gay couples. When the unloader finished his story you could see the lightbulb pop up over the supes head, "dude you know motel 8's motto we leave the light on for you, i bet that b&b's motto is when you leave we will pack your for you." another lightbulb over his head "OMG i should put in for a transfer to marketing, "UPS, we will pack your " marketing gold. That supe was the coolest ever, I could literly say anything to him as long as the FT managers werent around and he would have a comback ready.

 

[jds4lunch]

Today I had a delivery for a Government building. I told the lady at the security desk who it was for, and she said, "He's on the 3rd floor in room 306." Well as it turns out, room 306 was the men's bathroom.

 

[jds4lunch]

This isn't as funny as it is a prime example of how stupid people can be. This was a conversation I was involved in yesterday while picking up at the UPS Store:

I was waiting for the gal at the counter to finish up her last intl air so I could leave and meet the plane, when in walks a guy who wants to send cash from here to Edmonton (which is west of here). For reasons unknown to myself, he refuses to go to the bank next door to get a money order, or use Western Union to send the money, and says he needs it there tomorrow. Anyway, he wants to send $20, and the clerk at the UPS store informs him of the risks of sending cash, one of them being that the money could be stolen or confiscated in Winnipeg (which is east of here, but is our nearest hub). Without thinking, the guy immediatly flies off the handle and says, "Why the hell would it go to Winnipeg? I'm sending it to Edmonton which is west." I say, "Yes but air packages aren't sent out according to east and west, they are sent to the nearest hub to be sorted, then to the hub in the appropriate province." He says, "That makes NO sense! I want to send this to Edmonton, which is west. WEST IS THAT WAY!" (points north east). I said, "I know which way west is. Since Winnipeg is closer to here than Calgary, we send our air freight to Winnipeg, then your envelope will get re-sorted and send to Calgary, then to Edmonton. Canada Post does the same thing, and so does every other courier in the world." He then says, "Well thats the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" and then stormed out.

 

[The Equalizer]

UPS sales rep went to Cape Cod withhis brother-in-law for a golfing extravaganza.

Co-worker said they actually spent the week-end playing naked Twister.

 

[rweyant]

I heard this one from one of our feeder drivers. At a center in our district a driver attempting to deliver a package to a residence, had to swat at a dog who ran off scared. The owner of the dog is now trying to sue UPS for the expenses of a dog psychologist her dog has to go to because Fido was so traumatized.

A driver in kissimmee kicked a dog and they are suiing because they had to put it down....

One of our drivers just got attacked by a pit bull and got 20 stitches.. oh and the dog never had his rabies shot.. and it was the third person it attacked.. so they finally put it down..

 

[Boonebird]

I have one that takes that cake. I was a drivers helper two years ago during peak. I suffer from migraines something fierce. I started to get one and the driver decied to drive around honking the horn to be funny. I turned green real quick. It was pitch dark out. We stopped at a house I walked down this guys brand new drive way. It was still roped off. I barfed in the middle of it. I dropped the package at the door and ran. Dude im sick you have to take me back to my truck. Um no. Get out and walk. Im in the middle of the sticks. No clue where I am. I started walking. It was 7 miles back to my truck. Kids.

 

[Ockase]

A few things that have happened in our hub : We had a leaking box, wrapped like a birthday present with "up " arrows drawn on it. When it was unwrapped, we found a fish bowl , with all the little fish bowl rocks, plants, and a dead goldfish. It looked like grandma was trying to send the fish as a b-day present and thought the box would stay upright the whole time.

We had a box that popped open and was quite obviously crammed full of marajuana. They called the customer and told him his box of weed had broken open and was there for him, he showed up just after the police did.

One of our drivers had to be talked to by a super, they had gotten a phone call from some hippie lady that said he had disrupted the good karma of her house when he stood on her porch to deliver her package.

 

[Perpetualnavigator]

I work in Small Sort in the Denver hub and was sorting away one night when one of my co-workers walked up to me holding this small box with mesh on the side.
"Look inside," he says, "There's a really cool lizard in there."
I took the box from him and peered inside. The next thing you know the box is flying out of my hand and I'm backing away screaming, shaking. I like lizards, but that was no lizard in that box! When I peered inside, a VERY large Madagascar hissing cockroach came walking into view...

Needless to say, I have never peered into a box since that day!

 

[mb29577]

Gator Trades the Bayou for Trip to Broadway
THE NATION | IN BRIEF / AND FINALLY . . .August 04, 2001|From Times Wire Reports
United Parcel Service is checking how it shipped a live 5-foot alligator overnight to New York City.
Workers investigating a leaking box on a company truck Thursday found the alligator, its snout and feet bound with duct tape. "He was not very happy," UPS spokesman Norman Black said.New York animal control officials seized the 40-pound alligator, which was not injured.
Atlanta-based UPS prohibits the shipment of live animals. Black declined to say where the box originated or how it was labeled.

"Somebody lied to us about the contents of the package."

 

[gman042]

Last winter, we had a driver show up to work complaining that his butt was sore.

He explained that he had gotten stuck in the snow and it took him an hour to get dug out and back on the road.

One of the more wittier of us looked at him and said. "Your supposed to use a shovel....not your ass."

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Are you sure there was no one "wittier" than that?

 

[Catatonic]

Are you sure there was no one "wittier" than that?

Would you rather he say more witty? You do seem to be obsessed with more.

 

[gman042]

One of our drivers delivers a rural area. Lots of backwoods subdivisions.
His stomach was bothering him and there were no restrooms available so he decided to do his business out the side door of his car.
After finishing up he moved to get back behind the wheel. The package for the next stop was sitting on the dash and he accidentally knocked it out the door. Yup....you guessed it. It landed square in what he had deposited outside his car. Frantically, he wiped it in the grass and dirt to eliminate any evidence.
He finally got it sufficiently clean though there was still a slight odor. Realizing that the customer was rarely home he felt sure that he could leave the package and no one would know. He pulled into the yard more quietly than usual just to insure that he could make a clean get away. It was not to be. No sooner had he come to a stop than the customer came out of the door saying how he had waited all day for that package to arrive.
Our driver quickly handed off the package and made a hasty retreat.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Would you rather he say more witty? You do seem to be obsessed with more.

I don't think I could be any less obsessed with more.

 

[DS]

I locked my keys in the back of an old 600. Keys hanging from my right pinky as per delivery methods. Grabbed the chain, that is what the door handle was, and closed the bulkhead door. The chain caught the keyring and threw it onto the shelf as I heard the door click shut. Those old 600's had a plywood door with about a 3 inch hole cut in them. The keys were on the shelf about 8ft back.
I was a Christmas hire, hoping to get a full time job, and I didn't want any mark against me. So I went into the woods and found a stand of bamboo. Cut down a "fishing pole" with my pocket knife and poked it thru the hole in the bulkhead door. After about 20 minutes,I snagged the key ring. It was at the very end of a long, limber and bouncing bamboo pole. I was trying not to laugh as I tried to slowly extract the pole thru the hole as I watched the keys dangling on the last 1/8th inch of the tip swinging left and right and up and down.
I felt like Houdini when I had those keys in my hand.

satellitedriver,the most interesting man in the world
Someone brought this old thread to my attention.

 

[DS]

One of our drivers delivers a rural area. Lots of backwoods subdivisions.
His stomach was bothering him and there were no restrooms available so he decided to do his business out the side door of his car.
After finishing up he moved to get back behind the wheel. The package for the next stop was sitting on the dash and he accidentally knocked it out the door. Yup....you guessed it. It landed square in what he had deposited outside his car. Frantically, he wiped it in the grass and dirt to eliminate any evidence.
He finally got it sufficiently clean though there was still a slight odor. Realizing that the customer was rarely home he felt sure that he could leave the package and no one would know. He pulled into the yard more quietly than usual just to insure that he could make a clean get away. It was not to be. No sooner had he come to a stop than the customer came out of the door saying how he had waited all day for that package to arrive.
Our driver quickly handed off the package and made a hasty retreat.

That's a load of crap