Up for sale or trade is one slightly used wife. She cannot cook or reproduce, she doesn't smoke or drink, she sometimes snores, and she probably has narcolepsy. Will trade for guns, fishing gear, a newer side by side or ATV, gold & silver, or a new metal detector.
A couple weeks ago, she threw out my cast iron pan that I had since before I met her, because I let it get wet and didn't dry it out properly so it got a little rusty. So, yeah...not going to think about that right now. This weekend she thought it would be "fun and cute" to hold a garage / tag / yard sale. She spent the whole week she was off after her surgery going through things to sell. She did quite well gathering up stuff and I even offered up some things for her and her girlfriends to put out. A couple a metal detectors, some tools, books, guns and ammo stuff, some tackle and some other things I could part with.
Friday she calls me at work excited and says, she has already made about $500 and that a couple was interested in her older Kitchen Aid bowl lift mixer and her husband asked about my metal detector. I told her ask $175 for the mixer and $350 for the detector. She said she would go tell them and asked if she should allow them to haggle a little bit or remain firm on the price. I told her she can play around with them but go no lower than $150 for mixer and no lower than $300 for the detector. She hangs up to do her thing.
She calls me back about 45 minutes later giddy like a school girl. She tells me the couple didn't even try to haggle but they did not have that much money in cash on them. Wife tells me they handed her $400 and told her they would be back with the rest in a bit. *mind you, at this point I'm about ready to ask her what was wrong with her for letting the stuff go without payment* She continues to tell me they couldn't hand over the money fast enough and told her they would be back with the balance and asked her to remove the items from the sale so no one else would try to out buy them while they were gone.
I'm like, they just left you $400 and left? She said they left but came back with the balance like they said. She said they didn't even blink an eye when she told them how much she wanted. Once they paid for everything, my wife said they took off outta there happier than a pig in S*. I was pretty excited for her and her friends for having a successful garage sale and was looking forward to helping her on Saturday.
Let's fast forward to yesterday morning. I go out to the garage to get the tables set back up for her then do a little metal detectoring while they were having the sale. I get her stuff set up and go to grab my brand new $2500 metal detector but can't find it in the mess. "Babe, did you or the ladies move my new detector?" She looks at me like I'm the idiot and says, "Well, yeah. I put them all over by the other metal detectors."
Cool...
I look around but don't see it so I asked her where again. She points by the safe. I see other detectors but not my new one. She says, "They are all right there." She then says, "Well, WTF does it look like?" I said it was black and gray and looked like the other ones I guess. *someone hug me now* She says, "Oh, then that's the one that I sold."
....
Me: "Holy friend*, don't tell me you sold my brand new $2500 detector for $350. You're just playing right?"
HER: "I didn't realize it was the expensive new one. I'm sorry but you said the metal detectors in the corner could be sold."
ME: "That one was by the work bench and the box for it was ON the workbench. HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL IT WAS THE NEW ONE?"
HER: "Well you should have said not to touch the one by the workbench. I moved it to make space and put it with all the other detectors.
So, moral of the story is, that everything that happened was MY fault apparently. The well seasoned pan that I had for 20 years got tossed because I LET IT RUST.
I should not have bought an expensive machine and left it sitting around for a bunch of cackling Betties to use for their yard sale.
. I'm not a hoarder, but I don't throw "good stuff" away. I'll need it again some day. She asks if I want to donate something, and sometimes I will. Maddest she made me was when I was at work one day, she decided to mow the yard. (she had never done that before) I had just bought a brand new 2 cycle lawnmower. In my shed I had 2 gas cans. 1 was marked lawnmower and weedeater. The other was marked generator and edger. She called me at work and told me she was mowing the grass and the lawnmower just died. I asked her which gas can she used. she said a gas can in the shed. Yep, you guessed it. I was now was the proud owner of a large, bright green paper weight.
