R
retired
Guest
SIGNS YOU'RE GETTING OLDER
~ Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
~ The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bi-focals.
~ You keep repeating yourself.
~ You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.
~ Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D.
~ You keep repeating yourself.
~ Your children begin to look middle aged.
~ You keep repeating yourself.
~ You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
~ Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.
~ You look forward to a dull evening.
~ Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."
~ You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
~ You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
~ Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.
~ You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.
~ Your back goes out more than you do.
~ You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
~ You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
~ You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
~ You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
~ You're proud of your lawn mower.
~ Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and isn't breaking any laws.
~ Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
~ You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
~ You make an appointment to see the dentist.
~ People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
~ You have a dream about prunes.
~ You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
~ You send money to PBS.
~ The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
~ You take a metal detector to the beach.
~ You wear black socks with sandals.
~ You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV.
~ Your ears and nose are hairier than your head.
~ You got cable for the Weather Channel (sometimes referred to as "Old Folks MTV").
~ If a young girl looks at you, you check to make sure you remembered to put on your pants.
~ You keep repeating yourself.
~ You discover bifocals are stylish.
~ When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out.
~ Most women you know under 40 put you in the "Friend of my Father" class.
~ Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time.
~ You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
~ Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
~ People don't harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap.
~ Your social security number only has three digits.
~ In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
~ Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
~ No one expects you to run into a burning building.
~ Restaurants stop asking to see your senior discount card.
~ People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
~ There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
~ Things you buy now won't wear out.
~ You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
~ You can eat dinner at 4:00.
~ You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
~ You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
~ You're actually interested in hearing about other people's operations.
~ You get into a heated argument about pension plans and social security.
~ You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
~ You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
~ You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
~ You sing along with the elevator music.
~ You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
~ Your eyes won't get much worse.
~ Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
~ Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
~ Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
~ Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
~ People begin sending you lists like this and you say, "Man, it is so funny," but can't remember even one line to recite.
~ Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
~ The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bi-focals.
~ You keep repeating yourself.
~ You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.
~ Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D.
~ You keep repeating yourself.
~ Your children begin to look middle aged.
~ You keep repeating yourself.
~ You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
~ Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.
~ You look forward to a dull evening.
~ Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."
~ You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
~ You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
~ Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.
~ You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.
~ Your back goes out more than you do.
~ You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
~ You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
~ You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
~ You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
~ You're proud of your lawn mower.
~ Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and isn't breaking any laws.
~ Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
~ You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
~ You make an appointment to see the dentist.
~ People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
~ You have a dream about prunes.
~ You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
~ You send money to PBS.
~ The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
~ You take a metal detector to the beach.
~ You wear black socks with sandals.
~ You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV.
~ Your ears and nose are hairier than your head.
~ You got cable for the Weather Channel (sometimes referred to as "Old Folks MTV").
~ If a young girl looks at you, you check to make sure you remembered to put on your pants.
~ You keep repeating yourself.
~ You discover bifocals are stylish.
~ When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out.
~ Most women you know under 40 put you in the "Friend of my Father" class.
~ Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time.
~ You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
~ Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
~ People don't harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap.
~ Your social security number only has three digits.
~ In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
~ Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
~ No one expects you to run into a burning building.
~ Restaurants stop asking to see your senior discount card.
~ People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
~ There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
~ Things you buy now won't wear out.
~ You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
~ You can eat dinner at 4:00.
~ You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
~ You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
~ You're actually interested in hearing about other people's operations.
~ You get into a heated argument about pension plans and social security.
~ You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
~ You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
~ You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
~ You sing along with the elevator music.
~ You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
~ Your eyes won't get much worse.
~ Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
~ Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
~ Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
~ Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
~ People begin sending you lists like this and you say, "Man, it is so funny," but can't remember even one line to recite.
