Heard Any Good Ones: Archive

[moreluck]

Old" is when...
...your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love,"
and you answer,
"Honey, I can't do both!"

...your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
and you're
barefoot.

...a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens
the garage
door nearest your car.

...you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

...going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

...you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as
you don't
have to go along.

...when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

...when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor
instead of by the
police.

..."getting a little action" means I don't need to take
any fiber today.

..."getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking
lot.

... an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five
women to
every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get
those odds?

Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that
never ends.
What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same
reunion?

 

[moreluck]

Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive
reasoning test.

The doctor says to the first gal, "What is three times
three?"
"297," was her prompt reply. "Ummm humm," says the doc.

The doctor says to the second lady, "It's your turn now.
What is three times
three?"
"Friday," replies the second lady. "Ummm humm..."

Then the doc says to the third, "Okay, mam, your turn.
What's three times three?"

"Nine," she says.
"That's wonderful!" says the doc. "Tell me, how did you
get that?"

"Simple," she says, beaming... "I subtracted 297 from
Friday!"

 

[moreluck]

> > George loved the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies
> > and losing his shirt when he noticed this priest who stepped out onto
> > the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for
> > the 4th race.
> >
> > Lo and behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won the race.
> >
> > George was most interested to see what the priest did the next race.
> >
> > Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 5th
> > race horses lined up, and placed his blessing on the forehead of one
> > of the horses.
> >
> > George made a bee-line for the window and placed a small bet on the
> > horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had
> > blessed, won the race.
> >
> > George collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see which horse
> > the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. The priest showed,
> > blessed a horse, George bet on it, and won! George was elated. As the
> > day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it
> > always came in first.
> >
> > George began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he
> > knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop
> > at the ATM and withdrew every penny he owned, and awaited the priest's
> > blessing that would tell him which horse to place the bet on. True to
> > his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race,
> > and anointed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses.
> >
> > George placed his bet - every cent he owned - and watched, the horse
> > come in dead last.
> >
> > George was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track,
> > and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All
> > day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you bless a horse
> > and he loses. Now I've lost my life savings, thanks to you!!"
> >
> > The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you
> > Protestants, ..you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing
> > and the Last Rites!"
> >

 

[moreluck]

A foreman sent out two groups of men to put up telephone poles along a
new highway and asked
them to report at the end of the day. The crews were gone all
day and returned just as the sun was
setting.

The foreman asked the leader of the first group how many poles
they had installed. The reply was
eleven.

The foreman patted the guy on the back and said, "Not bad."
Then he went to the leader of the next
group and asked him the same question. Two was the reply.

"Two! All you installed were two?! The other group installed
eleven!" The foreman exclaimed
angrily.

"Yeah," the leader answered, "But you should have seen how
much they left sticking out!"

 

[moreluck]

A huge college freshman decided to try out for the
football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run
smack into
a telephone pole, and knocked it completely over.

"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off
like a shot,
and in just over nine seconds, ran a hundred yard
dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a
football?"

The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir,"
he said,
"if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

 

[moreluck]

Can you imagine working at the following Company? It has a
little over 500 employees with the following
statistics:

*29 have been accused of spousal abuse
*7 have been arrested for fraud
*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
*117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
*3 have been arrested for assault
*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
*14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are current defendants in lawsuits
*In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up?


It's the 535 members of your United States Congress.
The same
group that perpetually cranks out hundreds upon
hundreds of new
laws designed to keep the rest of us in line.

 

[moreluck]

> A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper
> started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to
> throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
> Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he
> was doing that he
> kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
>
> The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"
>
> The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well, yeah, if that's
> what they are----I never heard of circle flies."
>
> So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See,
> they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling
> around
> the back end of a horse."
>
> The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket.
>
> Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey ... wait a minute, are you
> trying to call
> me a horse's <FONT COLOR="ff0000">•••</FONT>?"
>
> The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law
> enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's
> <FONT COLOR="ff0000">•••</FONT>."
>
> The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing
> the ticket.
>
> After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."

 

[moreluck]

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving
down the same
road. As they pass each other, the woman leans
out of the window and yells

"PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out of his window and
replies,"<FONT COLOR="ff0000">•••••</FONT>!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man
rounds the next corner, he crashes into a
pig in the middle of the road.

If only men would listen.

 

[moreluck]

English...a MOST difficult language...
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
>
> 2. The farm was used to produce produce.
>
> 3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
>
> 4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
>
> 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
>
> 6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
>
> 7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
> present the present.
>
> 8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
>
> 9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
>
> 10. I did not object to the object.
>
> 11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
>
> 12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
>
> 13. They were too close to the door to close it.
>
> 14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
>
> 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
>
> 16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
>
> 17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
>
> 18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
>
> 19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
>
> 20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
>
> 21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

 

[flimflam]

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction
on the same day. One was from New York, another from
Texas, and the third from Florida. At the end of the
tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living.
When they all replied that they were contractors the
guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences
redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give
me a bid?" So to the back fence they all went.

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took
out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring
and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900.
$400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit
for me."

Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his
tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and
said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for
materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Without so much as moving, the New York contractor
said, "$2,700."

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You
didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you
come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and
we hire the guy from Texas."

 

[flimflam]

THE TWO YEAR DEGREE

A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many
of you should be interested in: Title:_Becoming a Real Man.

That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man-as well
as earn an MA degree (Male Arts).__Please take a moment to look
over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR

Autumn Schedule:

MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas

Winter Schedule:

MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR

Autumn Schedule:

SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:

MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 1

Spring Schedule:

MEN 220 Omitting %&amp;*! from Your Vocabular(Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2

Course Electives:

EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 mothers-in-law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her

 

[retired]

Blessed

If you woke up this morning with more health than
illness, you are more blessed than the million who
will not survive the week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people around the world.

If you attend a church meeting without fear of
harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are more blessed that almost three billion people in the world.

If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on
your back, a roof over your head and a place to
sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and
spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the worlds wealthy.

If your parents are still married and alive, you
are very rare, even in the United States.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face
and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even
touch them on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer God's healing touch.

If you can read this message, you are more blessed
than over two billion people in the world that cannot read anything at all.

If you can pass this along you may be blessed in
ways you may never even know.

 

[flimflam]

Presidential Debate Transcript:

Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the second presidential debate between Vice President
Al Gore and Gov. George W. Bush. The candidates have agreed on these rules:
I will ask a question. The candidate will ignore the question and deliver
rehearsed remarks designed to appeal to undecided women voters. The opponent
will then have one minute to respond by trying to frighten senior citizens
into voting for him. When a speaker's time has expired, I will whimper softly while
he continues to spew incomprehensible statistics for three more minutes.

Let's start with the vice president. Mr. Gore, can you give us the name of a
downtrodden citizen and then tell us his or her story in a way that strains
the bounds of common sense?

Gore: As I was saying to Tipper last night after we tenderly made love the
way we have so often during the 30 years of our rock-solid marriage, the
downtrodden have a clear choice in this election. My opponent wants to cut
taxes for the richest 1 percent of Americans. I, on the other hand, want to
put the richest 1 percent in an iron clad lockbox so they can't hurt old
people like Roberta Frampinhamper, who is here tonight. Mrs. Frampinhamper
has been selling her internal organs, one by one, to pay for gas so that
she can travel to these debates and personify problems for me. Also, her
poodle has arthritis.

Lehrer: Gov. Bush, your rebuttal.

Bush: Governors are on the front lines every day, hugging people, crying
with them, relieving suffering anywhere a photo opportunity exists. I want
to empower those crying people to make their own decisions, unlike my opponent,
whose mother is not Barbara Bush.

Lehrer: Let's turn to foreign affairs. Gov. Bush, if Slobodan Milosevic were
to launch a bid to return to power in Yugoslavia, would you be able to
pronounce his name?

Bush: The current administration had eight years to deal with that guy and
didn't get it done. If I'm elected, the first thing I would do about that guy is have
<FONT COLOR="ff0000">••••</FONT> Cheney confer with our allies. And then <FONT COLOR="ff0000">••••</FONT> would present me several
options for dealing with that guy. And then <FONT COLOR="ff0000">••••</FONT> would tell me which one to
choose. You know, as governor of Texas, I have to make tough foreign policy
decisions every day about how we're going to deal with New Mexico.

Lehrer: Mr. Gore, your rebuttal.

Gore: Foreign policy is something I've always been keenly interested in. I
served my country in Vietnam. I had an uncle who was a victim of poison gas
in World War I. I myself lost a leg in the Franco-Prussian War. And when
that war was over, I came home and tenderly made love to Tipper in a way
that any undecided woman voter would find romantic. If I'm entrusted with
the office of president, I pledge to deal knowledgeably with any threat,
foreign or domestic, by putting it in an iron clad lockbox. Because the
American people deserve a president who can comfort them with simple metaphors.

Lehrer: Vice President Gore, how would you reform the Social Security system?

Gore: It's a vital issue, Jim. That's why Joe Lieberman and I have proposed
changing the laws of mathematics to allow us to give $50,000 to every senior
citizen without having it cost the federal treasury a single penny until the
year 2250. In addition, my budget commits $60 trillion over the next 10
years to guarantee that all senior citizens can have drugs delivered free to
their homes every Monday by a federal employee who will also help them with
the child-proof cap.

Lehrer: Gov. Bush?

Bush: That's fuzzy math. I know, because as governor of Texas, I have to do
math every day. I have to add up the numbers and decide whether I'm going to fill
potholes out on Rt. 36 east of Abilene or commit funds to reroof the sheep
barn at the Texas state fairgrounds.

Lehrer: It's time for closing statements.

Gore: I'm my own man. I may not be the most exciting politician, but I will
fight for the working families of America, in addition to turning the White
House into a lusty pit of marital love for Tipper and me.

Bush: It's time to put aside the partisanship of the past by electing no one
but Republicans.

Lehrer: Good night.

 

[flimflam]

It's Good to Be a Man .....

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's <FONT COLOR="ff0000">•••</FONT> if someone notices your new haircut.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station
because this one's just too icky.

Same work...
more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

One mood, ALL the damn time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars

Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from
the passenger's seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy
for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."

You don't mooch off other's desserts.

You can drop by to see a friend without having
to bring a little gift.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

You are not expected to know the names of more
than five colors.

You don't have to stop and think of
which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all
seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing
a mustache.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25
relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes

 

[moreluck]

Rules for Buying Gifts for Men

Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not
matter if he already
has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to
complain. As a
man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one
knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything
with the word
ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words.
"Hey George, can I borrow
your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my
3/8-inch socket yet?" Again,
no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his
car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small
bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view
mirror. Men love gifts for their
cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy
men bathrobes. I was told
that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't
have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones
they have worn out.If you have
a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the
little picture in the corner. Watch
him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do,
it will sit in a cupboard for 23
years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after
shave or deodorant. I'm told they do
not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there
will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts.
Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink."
You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly
required" on the box. It will ruin his
Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works,
Parr Lumber, Home Depot,
John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA
Auto Parts and Sears'
Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It
doesn't matter if he doesn't know
what it is. "From NAPA Auto,eh? Must be something I need.
Hey! Isn't this a starter for a
'68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."

Rule #11
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they
will barbecue. Get him a
monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him
the gas line leaks. "Oh the
thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12:
Tickets to a Patriots game are a smart gift. However, he
will not appreciate tickets to "A
Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #13:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a
chainsaw. If you don't know why
- please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a
label maker.

Rule #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a
real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No
one knows why.

Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy
origins, or at least The Boy Scouts.
Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla
rope. No one knows why.

 

[flimflam]

Contemporary Latin Phrases

"Domino vobiscum."
(The pizza guy is here.)

"Auda similarum ad seattles."
(They all sound just like Pearl Jam.)

"Sharpei diem."
(Seize the wrinkled dog.)

"Nucleo predicus dispella conducticus."
(Remove foil before microwaving.)

"Il guyus nissanem iste ickye."
(That Nissan guy gives me the creeps.)

"Bodicus mutilatimus, unemploymi ad infinitum."
(Better take the nose ring out before the job interview.)

"Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum,
minutus carborata descendum pantorum."
(A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your
pants.)

 

[flimflam]

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right)! The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, $165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady than said, "Okay, but since
there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 A.M., the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet" "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president
agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered
closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
Well, okay, "said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 A.M. today, I'd have the Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand.

 

[vic]

An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a
malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, the Pepsi Company sent a
rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals.
They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything
about the crash.

The Chief said, "You betcha!"

When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we
drank the Pepsi."

The Rescue crew were shocked. One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?"

The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi."

Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?"

The Chief replied, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi."

After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did
you...you know...eat, their...'things'?"

The chief says, "No."

"No?" asked the rescuer.

"No," replied the Chief, "THINGS go better with Coke."

 

[vic]

I don't know if you've heard, but starting Jan 1, 2001 you will no
longer be able to use a cell phone while driving unless you have a
"hands free" adapter. I went to Circuit City and they wanted $50 for a
hands free adapter!! I have managed to get hold of some "off brand" units and
was wondering if anyone is interested. These kits are compatible with any
mobile phone and one size fits all. I paid $1 each for buying in quantity.

I'm selling them for $2. I tried them out on Erisson, Motorola &amp; Nokia
phones and they worked perfectly. A photo is attached. Take a look and let
me know if you want one.

 

[moreluck]

Halloween...
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.
>
> She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go alone.
>
> He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was
going
> to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time
> being spoiled by not going.
>
> So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly
> for one hour, awakened without pain and as it was still early, she decided
> to go the party.
>
> In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought
she
> would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she
was
> not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting
> around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and
> copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
>
> His wife sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive babe herself, he
> left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that
had
> just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was
> her husband.
>
> Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so
off
> they went to one of the bedrooms and had a little sex.
>
> Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put
> the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he
> would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in
> and asked what kind of a time he had.
>
> He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when
> you're not there."
>
> Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
>
> He replied, I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got
there,
> I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and
> played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to
> the guy I loaned my costume to!"
> >
>