Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
- Thread starter moreluck
- Start date
cachsux
Wah
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg..
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing..
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it..
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up..
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree..
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who ****s on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg..
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing..
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it..
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up..
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree..
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who ****s on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
moreluck
golden ticket member
The 10 Best Caddy Replies
# 10 -- Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
# 9 -- Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
# 8 -- Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
# 7 -- Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."
# 6 -- Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
# 5 -- Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of A distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
# 4 -- Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
# 3 -- Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
# 2 -- Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
# 1 -- Best Caddy Comment Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
# 10 -- Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
# 9 -- Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
# 8 -- Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
# 7 -- Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."
# 6 -- Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
# 5 -- Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of A distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
# 4 -- Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
# 3 -- Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
# 2 -- Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
# 1 -- Best Caddy Comment Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
moreluck
golden ticket member
Interesting facts....
The first city in the world to have a population of more than one million was Rome, Italy.
The most populated city in the world - when major urban areas are included - is Tokyo, with more than 37 million residents.
The oldest inhabited city is Damascus, Syria.
The Vatican is the world's smallest country, at 0.44 square km (0.16 square miles).
The names of all the continents end with the letter they start with.
The first city in the world to have a population of more than one million was Rome, Italy.
The most populated city in the world - when major urban areas are included - is Tokyo, with more than 37 million residents.
The oldest inhabited city is Damascus, Syria.
The Vatican is the world's smallest country, at 0.44 square km (0.16 square miles).
The names of all the continents end with the letter they start with.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Test Drive A New Truck
I stopped by the Toyota Dealership yesterday
for a look at the new Tacoma.
Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive.
I wanted to sense that new "feel"
Before they become extinct...
The salesman (wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin)
sat in the passenger seat describing the truck
and all its "wonderful" options.
The seats were of particular interest.
He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt
in the winter and directed cool air
to your butt in the summer heat.
Feeling like messing with his mind,
I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.
Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck.
I explained that if it were a Democrat truck,
The seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.
I had to walk back to the dealership...
Damn guy had no sense of humor.
I stopped by the Toyota Dealership yesterday
for a look at the new Tacoma.
Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive.
I wanted to sense that new "feel"
Before they become extinct...
The salesman (wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin)
sat in the passenger seat describing the truck
and all its "wonderful" options.
The seats were of particular interest.
He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt
in the winter and directed cool air
to your butt in the summer heat.
Feeling like messing with his mind,
I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.
Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck.
I explained that if it were a Democrat truck,
The seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.
I had to walk back to the dealership...
Damn guy had no sense of humor.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Awesome Senior Moment
Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent inter-action between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro station in DC.
There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets, on the evils of America . I politely declined to take one.
The elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice the young lady said, "Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq ?"
The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea , and a son in Vietnam..
All three died so you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll shove this umbrella up your ass and open it."
~God Bless America ~
moreluck
golden ticket member
Thoughts from a Brit.....
took my car for a service yesterday.
Or as the police insist on putting it, I ram raided a mosque.
France is now fighting for survival and hoping another country helps them out.
Now, where have I heard this story before...
how many French would it take to defend Paris?
we will never know
We're both sat here in silence after a massive argument and I'm beginning to bitterly regret something I said to the wife.,,,,,,,,,,,,
"I do."
A jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in a school play. " Great, what part is it?", the boys says "I play the part of a Jewish husband". The mother scowls and says "Go back and tell them you want a speaking part"
For sale: Genuine French WWII rifle. Never fired, dropped only once.
Ever heard the phrase; "A little of what you fancy does you good"?
Actually, it gets you divorced.
You know that sticker on the top step of a ladder that says "This isn’t a step"? It turns out that there’s a reason why they put it on there.
I'm not homophobic...
... I love lesbians!!!
think im in trouble when i get home. the missis just phoned me and asked "where would you like to be buried?",,,,,,,,,,, apparently " bollock deep inside your sister" was the wrong answer!
My missus asked me " when you're away on a lads trip do you think about me?"
Apparently "only to stop myself coming too quickly" wasnt a good answer
Because of the heat this summer, I've got a lot of bites on my legs...
Maybe I should stop pushing the kids out of the line for the ice cream van.
Remember, back in school, when the math teacher told us, at the end of the lesson;
"Alright class, put your pen down, look at the board, and watch me go through it."
I thought "This'll be ******ing good!"
took my car for a service yesterday.
Or as the police insist on putting it, I ram raided a mosque.
France is now fighting for survival and hoping another country helps them out.
Now, where have I heard this story before...
how many French would it take to defend Paris?
we will never know
We're both sat here in silence after a massive argument and I'm beginning to bitterly regret something I said to the wife.,,,,,,,,,,,,
"I do."
A jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in a school play. " Great, what part is it?", the boys says "I play the part of a Jewish husband". The mother scowls and says "Go back and tell them you want a speaking part"
For sale: Genuine French WWII rifle. Never fired, dropped only once.
Ever heard the phrase; "A little of what you fancy does you good"?
Actually, it gets you divorced.
You know that sticker on the top step of a ladder that says "This isn’t a step"? It turns out that there’s a reason why they put it on there.
I'm not homophobic...
... I love lesbians!!!
think im in trouble when i get home. the missis just phoned me and asked "where would you like to be buried?",,,,,,,,,,, apparently " bollock deep inside your sister" was the wrong answer!
My missus asked me " when you're away on a lads trip do you think about me?"
Apparently "only to stop myself coming too quickly" wasnt a good answer
Because of the heat this summer, I've got a lot of bites on my legs...
Maybe I should stop pushing the kids out of the line for the ice cream van.
Remember, back in school, when the math teacher told us, at the end of the lesson;
"Alright class, put your pen down, look at the board, and watch me go through it."
I thought "This'll be ******ing good!"
moreluck
golden ticket member
Baby's First Doctor Visit.....
This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the
doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and
being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied..
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both
breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this
baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.
This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the
doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and
being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied..
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both
breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this
baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Men vs. Women.......
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Hay Man and John Deer.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
- When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
- The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
- Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
- A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
moreluck
golden ticket member
To Realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
To realize
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
To realize The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
Who has given birth to
A premature baby....
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
Who has given birth to
A premature baby....
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
You can share it with someone special.
You can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend or family member:
LOSE ONE.
LOSE ONE.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Somebody's Mother.....
Abraham Lincoln's mother: "Again with the hat? Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
Moses' mother: "That's a nice story. Now tell me where you have really been for the last forty years."
Mona Lisa's mother: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"
Abraham Lincoln's mother: "Again with the hat? Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
Moses' mother: "That's a nice story. Now tell me where you have really been for the last forty years."
Mona Lisa's mother: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"
moreluck
golden ticket member
Children's Books That Didn't Make the Cut
*You Are Different and That's Bad
*Dad's New Wife Robert
*Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
*Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
*The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
*Some Kittens Can Fly
*The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
*The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
*Strangers Have the Best Candy
*You Are Different and That's Bad
*Dad's New Wife Robert
*Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
*Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
*The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
*Some Kittens Can Fly
*The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
*The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
*Strangers Have the Best Candy
moreluck
golden ticket member
Some Twisted Sayings
- Dyslexics have more fnu
- Clones are people, two
- Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
[*]Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses
- 186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
[*]Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor
[*]Anything free is worth what you pay for it
[*]Atheism is a non-prophet organization
[*]COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage
[*]Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
[*]Editing is a rewording activity
[*]Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy
[*]I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure
[*]My reality check just bounced
[*]Rap is to music, what Etch-a-Sketch is to art
[*]What if there were no hypothetical questions?
[*]Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery
[*]No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway
[*]Boycott shampoo... Demand REAL poo!
[*]IRS - Be audit you can be
moreluck
golden ticket member
Wedding....
At a wedding ceremony, the minister raised his hand to give the final blessing.
The bride misunderstood the gesture and surprised him with a high- five.
Not wanting to exclude the groom, the minister offered him a high- five, too.
He was finally able to get the blessing in, amid the laughter of the guests.
At a wedding ceremony, the minister raised his hand to give the final blessing.
The bride misunderstood the gesture and surprised him with a high- five.
Not wanting to exclude the groom, the minister offered him a high- five, too.
He was finally able to get the blessing in, amid the laughter of the guests.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Garbage Truck
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy and I mean he was REALLY friendly.
So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'.
He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.
As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally.
Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,so ...
Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!
Have a blessed, garbage-free day!
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy and I mean he was REALLY friendly.
So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'.
He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.
As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally.
Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,so ...
Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!
Have a blessed, garbage-free day!
moreluck
golden ticket member
LITTLE KNOWN FACTS.........
- In Minnesota, it is illegal to cross state lines with duck on your head.
- It is illegal to walk down a street in Maine with your shoelaces untied.
- In Los Angeles, it is unlawful to hunt for moths under a street light.
- In Pennsylvania, it is illegal for a man to purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.
- In Idaho, a citizen is forbidden by law to give another citizen a box of candy that weights more than 50 lbs.
- In Texas it is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
- In Huntington West Virginia, it's legal to beat your wife so long as it's done in public on a Sunday-and on the courthouse steps.
- In Ohio, women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
- In North Dakota, it is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
- By law, everybody in Vermont must take at least one bath a week.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Illnesses....
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were
spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne
and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked,"Ewww
- what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
Why are your feet so gross?"
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked. "No, tolio. The disease only
affected my toes."
The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued
undressing. When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again
wrinkled up her nose. "What's wrong with your knees?"
she asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing
continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
"Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess... Smallcox?"
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were
spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne
and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked,"Ewww
- what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
Why are your feet so gross?"
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked. "No, tolio. The disease only
affected my toes."
The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued
undressing. When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again
wrinkled up her nose. "What's wrong with your knees?"
she asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing
continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
"Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess... Smallcox?"
moreluck
golden ticket member
Bumper Sticker Sayings........
Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
Adults are just kids who owe money.
You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
Earth is full. Go home.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
I've seen better looking butts in an ash tray.
You know you're a computer nerd when you know more IP addresses than phone numbers!
Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
Adults are just kids who owe money.
You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
Earth is full. Go home.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
I've seen better looking butts in an ash tray.
You know you're a computer nerd when you know more IP addresses than phone numbers!
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