Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2

moreluck

golden ticket member
ANIMAL FACTS .............

A kangaroo can't jump unless its tail is touching the ground.

» Dolphins don't automatically breath; they have to tell themselves to do it.
» Cats sleep 16 to 18 hours per day.
» A flamingo can eat only when its head is upside down.
» No other animal gives us more by-products than the pig. These by-products include pig suede, buttons, glass, paint brushes, crayons, chalk and insulation to name a few.
» The poison arrow frog has enough poison to kill about 2,200 people.
» A kangaroo can jump up to 10 feet (3 m) high and leap up to 26 feet (8 m).
» The Queen termite can live up to 50 years and have 30,000 children every day.
» The cockroach's favorite food is the glue on the back of stamps.
» Tuna swim at a steady rate of 9 miles (14 km) per hour until they die and they never stop moving. Some Scientists estimate that a 15-year-old tuna must have traveled 1,000,000 miles (1,609,000 km).
» An adult hippo can bite a 12-foot (3.6 m) adult male crocodile in half.
» The Australian Emu holds the land speed record for birds at 31 miles (50 km) per hour.
» At full speed, a Cheetah takes strides of 26 feet (8 m).
» Of the 4,000 species of mammals on the planet, the are 900 different species of bats.
» Termites are affected by music. They will eat your house twice as fast if you play loud music. » Rabbits digest their food twice (if you know what I mean) for two reasons: they don't get all the nutrients the first time around and because they need a high bacterial count in their stomach, which they get from, that's right, poop.
» The name "Kangaroo" came about when some of the first white settlers saw this strange animal hopping along and they asked the Aborigines what it was called. They replied with "Kanguru", which in their language means "I don't know".
 

area43

Well-Known Member
This joke might have been told allready. More, you mentioning the earthquake in Ca. sunday morning brought it to mind. Who's the first to get out of San Francisco when a earthquake hits? The gays, because they allready have their :censored2: packed. I heard that one from a customer the other day.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
As Seen Through the Eyes of a Redneck Threats:
-- I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style.
-- This'll jar your preserves.
-- Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!
Good Things/Compliments:
-- Cute as a sack full of puppies.
-- If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.
-- Gooder than grits.
The Weather:
-- It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.
-- It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.
-- Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot.
Descriptions:
-- A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
-- When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
-- If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
-- He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin.
-- A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."
Insults:
-- She's uglier than homemade soap.
-- Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued.'
-- He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
-- Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits.
-- The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead
-- Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart." Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
BUMPER STICKERS YOU PROBABLY MISSED BECAUSE YOU WERE DRIVING SO FAST..
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Constipated People Don't Give A crap.
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If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
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To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
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Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
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If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
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Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
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I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha.
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So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
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Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
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If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
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Illiterate? Write For Help.
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Honk If Anything Falls Off.
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Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
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He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit.
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I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You! Out Of The Gene Pool Now!
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I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
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Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...
(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)
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Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
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Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
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If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.
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Boldly Going Nowhere.
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Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
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Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
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Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
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How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
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GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
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All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
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WANTED: Meaningful Overnight Relationship.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your Proctologist Called.... He Found Your head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
Harleys, Harleys, Harleys .........
What do you call a group of Harley Owners with a collective IQ of 120?
Sturgis !

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a Hoover vacuum cleaner?
The Harley has room for two dirtbags on board.

Why do Harley owners have tassels on their handlebars and clothing?
To be able to tell if they're moving or not !

How is a Harley Davidson like an old dog?
They both like to ride in the back of pickup trucks.

What is the difference between a Harley Davidson and an old dog?
The dog can get in the back of the pickup by itself.

How is a Harley Davidson like a Porcupine?
Both have pricks on their back.
How is a Harley Davidson like an old dog?
If you leave them alone long enough, they'll both mark their territory.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
HOLLYWOOD--Happy Labor Day, everybody, and God bless America.

The Washington Nationals were accused of stealing signs in L.A. Wednesday. When the catcher wiggled his hand to the pitcher, the runner wiggled his hand to the batter. Good thing they are no longer the Senators or they'd all be arrested for lewd conduct.

Senator Larry Craig of Idaho stepped down from his U.S. Senate seat Saturday. He leaves behind a legacy of achievement. For as long as this Republic shall endure, men will sit in airport bathroom stalls with their feet no wider than their shoulders.

Argus Hamilton
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
What is the oldest profession?

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
Grandparent's Day is Sept 9th...




G randmothers are mothers who are grand,

R estoring the sense that our most precious things

A re those that do not change much over time.

N o love of childhood is more sublime,

D emanding little, giving on demand,

M ore inclined than most to grant the wings

O n which we fly off to enchanted lands.

T hough grandmothers must serve as second mothers,

H elping out with young and restless hearts,

E ach has all the patience wisdom brings,

R emembering our passions more than others,

S oothing us with old and well-honed arts.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
Car Acronyms

ACURA
* Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead
* Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile

AUDI
* Another Ugly Deutsche Invention

BMW
* Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
* Brings More Women

BUICK
* Bug Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

CADILLAC
* Company Always Denies Its Lawful Liability After Collisions

CHEVROLET
* Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
* Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

DODGE
* Darn Overhauls Do Get Expensive
* Dear Old Dad's Garbage Engine

FERRARI
* Ferociously Elegant Racer Ravages All Roads Intuitively

FIAT
* Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
* Fix It Again, Tony
* Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation

FORD
* Faithful, Obedient, Reliable, Dependable
* Fancy Oil Recycling Device
* First On Recall Day

GEO
* Get Everything Overhauled

HONDA
* Had One, Never Did Again
* Hang On, Not Done Accelerating

HYUNDAI
* Here's Y U Never Drive An Import

JEEP
* Just Empty Every Pocket

JAGUAR
* Just A Guess U Are Rich

KIA
* Keep Inside Asia
* Killed In Action
* Korea's Imported Accident


LEXUS
* Lets Everyone X-ude Ultimate Satisfaction

LOTUS
* Loads Of Trouble Usually Serious

MASERATI
* Must Also Suggest Extra Rope And Towing Implements

MAZDA
* Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MERCEDES
* My Expensive Rare Car Emits Dense Exhaust Smoke

NISSAN
* Never In Season, Simply A No-show

OLDSMOBILE
* Overpriced Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick Irregular Leftover Equipment
* Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday

PONTIAC
* Poor Old Ninny Thinks It's A Cadillac

PORSCHE
* Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Have Everything

SAAB
* Sad Attempt At Beauty
* Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown

SATURN
* Send Another Towtruck Ubiquitous Repairs Needed

SUBARU
* Stupid Urbanites Bumbling Around Rural Areas

TOYOTA
* Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
* This One You Oughta Tow Away

VOLVO
* Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW
* Very Weird
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
Rare Beef?

My boyfriend and I were lunching at a sidewalk cafe in Huntington Beach, CA. Our waitress looked like a real surfer girl; athletic with a great tan and blond hair. Mulling over the menu, my guy asked her if the roast beef was rare. The waitress gave us a long blank look, then replied, "Well, no. We have it, like, just about every day."
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
Job Terms

Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a
long-time veteran looking for a change of pace, the following guide should
help you along your way.

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

FLEXIBLE HOURS:
Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you listen and figure out what they want you to do.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD:
You whine, you're fired.

CAREER-MINDED:
We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.

SELF-MOTIVATED:
Management won't answer questions.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some each night and some each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:
We have a lot of turnover.

SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:
We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll
wait 30 days for your first commission check.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the
real daring guys wear earrings.

SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:
If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
Bragging about old times

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.

"Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."

"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."

"What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
Trip to Walmart..........


You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing
the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You
are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes
on

You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a
stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize
you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following.

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush
your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror
and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you
just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You
went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You
married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb
your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your
favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister
to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the
hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash
your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want
to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do
more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register
is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto
your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new
sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that
shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the
register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you
remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says,
"I Got Worms".

In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog poop
off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You
hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.
The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so
you are not sure.

In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your
prescriptions ready too. Don't' even notice the dog poop on your shoes.
The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her
grandfather.

In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember
that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to
think what it is you are looking for. Pass gas out loud and you think
someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went
to school with you.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
101 Reasons To Buy A Harley

They're designed, engineered assembled and built in U.S.A.

They sound Cool. Like a W.W.I Biplane!

They are not an imitation of anything but themselves.

Chicks dig 'em.

There are thousands of accessories available, so you can make your Harley uniquely yours.

They can be painted outrageous colors, with strange murals, and no one thinks they look terrible or silly.

They just look like Harley's.

There are more Harley mechanics around than for any other bike.

Even an old, beaten up one looks good.

They have a long, rich history and heritage.

Anyone can ride one.

Everyone recognizes a Harley.

You can get a Harley tattoo.

You can get a Harley bumper sticker.

Used ones cost more than new ones.

You don't hear songs about Suzuki's.

You can find more Harley parts at swap meets and flea markets than for any other bike.

When you run into a car, you do more damage to it than other motorcycles can.

You can buy a fully-dressed Harley with a radio; comfy seats with armrests; a big, useful windshield; solid saddle bags and a trunk, and no one thinks you're an old fart when you ride it.

You never have to wonder how to spend your extra money.

You always know there's something appropriate you can give as a gift to a Harley rider.

You can pretend you're a Hell's Angel on weekend rides, then go back to your real life on week days without going to jail.

An old Harley rusting in a barn is worth more than a new Honda.

When your Harley is stored away for the winter, you can still polish it.

When you say you're going to clean the bike, your spouse will always know what you're up to for the next few hours and not have to worry.

It can make you smile on a bad day.

It keeps cops wondering if you're a Hell's Angel or maybe really an influential judge or lawyer under those leathers.

It gives you the opportunity to try out every metal polish and auto cleaner in the hardware store.

Makes small children shake with fear when you rumble by them.

Even a small Harley is a big bike.

You don't have to dress like a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger to ride a Harley.

You can wear a Harley cap and not look as silly as 99 per cent of people who wear baseball caps (except of course backwards, which immediately identifies you as a dweeb regardless of the brand name... Remember: people who can't figure out which way a hat goes on are also poor prospects for friends).

This reason missing - vibrated off.

Unlike sport bikes, you don't need to visit your chiropractor after riding a Harley for more than 20 minutes.

You never have to explain or apologize for your choice or ride.

No one ever asks you to race them.

You will never need to go out and buy a vibrator.

You always have something to talk about with other Harley riders.

You can always find an after-market part for any Harley, no matter how old it is.

The chrome is on all the right parts, but you can always add more or take some off and it still looks good.

You never have to get the valves adjusted.

They have only one carburetor to adjust.

They're always in style.

If you ride another motorcycle at 40, people think you're either crazy or haven't grown up. If you ride a Harley at 40, people think you're young at heart and have style.

Harley riders always have something to talk about at parties.

Sure you can ride other motorcycles to Daytona and Sturgis, but why?

Women riding Harley's look sexy, confident and independent.

Cleaning your bike is an act of love, not a chore.

Harley riders have a better sex life. Honest!

Harley riders are recognized worldwide. Wear a Harley cap or T-shirt anywhere in the world and someone will walk up and talk to you about your bike.

People can argue endlessly about the technical advantages and ergonomics of other motorcycles, but when it's all been said, Harley riders get on their bikes and ride away with a smile.

Harley riders always have a wrench handy to loan someone.

Harley riders never have to worry about their Harley-riding friends asking to borrow money.

Harley riders learn to say 'No' early to people who ask to borrow their bike. This skill is useful when dealing with sales people, Jehovah's Witnesses and children.

Harley riders always turn heads going through the center of town.

You are never lonely. Instant family when you buy a Harley.

Harley riders don't have to worry about their bikes being obsoleted by the next year's model.

Long-term marriages are safer with a Harley because the husband will be too preoccupied with the bike to bother meeting other women. And the wife always knows where hubby is when he's not in the house... he's in the garage, polishing something or out riding around town showing off.

When someone asks "What do you ride, you don't have to explain what a "GSR783ATF-I Inducer" is. You simply say "A Harley".

You meet more people at bike shows and rallies who ride Harley's.

When people drive to slow in front of you, you just get to ride longer.

Harleys even make good rat bikes.

You can ride a Harley in rodeo and field day competitions at bike rallies (try riding a sport bike in the barrel push... or the weenie bite).

If you want speed and power, you can pump it up to your satisfaction.

There are more Harley riders at any gathering than any other bike rider.

Harleys never die.

"Arnold" rode one in T2.

When you do the wave to another Harley on the highway they wave back.

Every Harley made will be sold to someone who wanted it. No "last years model".

You get more grins per mile, even in the rain!

You don't need to understand "double overhead cam's" to maintain them.

Harley riders understand that if you have 2 Harley's you are not rich, if you have 2 Harley's you have no money at all!

Non-Harley riders will never borrow your tools.

Harley-Davidson's feel better than any other bike.

You can feel the rumble pulse through you as you ride.

You don't have to drop the engine out to work on it.

You can find any style of seat for every year.

You can build one from the ground-up, and everyone thinks its cool.

You get to tell people "If you have to ask you wouldn't understand".

You don't have to talk your girlfriend into going for a ride.

If you're old, the idle shakes like a pacemaker.

They can be slow AND bitchin'.

Fat people gotta ride somethin'.

When people ask "Isn't there a waiting list?", you can tell them "Yeah, I waited 33 years and 9 Jap bikes".

Harley salesmen don't have to sell them.

Help keep your neighbors from sleeping too late.

Old ones keep the highways properly lubricated.

Lots of extra protein from those bugs in your teeth.

You always know where the cars with alarms are in your neighborhood.

You don't need to remove any bodywork to do a tune-up.

Don't need any weight lifting equipment. Just knock it down and pick it back up.

You don't have to explain your mid-life crisis in detail -- "got a Harley" will suffice.

If someone cuts in front of you in traffic, they are almost always intimidated.

If you get stuck in boring business meetings, you can always think about that last ride you took.

"Honey, it's economical -- gets GREAT gas mileage!"

You can putz along at 20MPH, and still look cool.

It's like getting to ride your savings account around.

reserved for future use.

Instant non-aspirin pain reliever.

If someone's head doesn't turn, you know they're still envious.

You never need to buy a paint shaker.

When someone asks what color it is, you can answer "mostly chrome"!

Because you've wanted one since you were 11 years old.
 

traveler

Where next? Venice
Underwear…The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any undies?" her husband demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."

The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies.

"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no undies. Why not?"

She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."

He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's 10. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

"Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Wh ere a re yer drawers?"

She too explains, "Ya dinna gi' me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jesus, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
 

traveler

Where next? Venice
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this...

Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.00.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00! When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in o ne of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows, "complains the man again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.

He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, this check is only made out for $50.00."

"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have"
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
MY FAVORITE TEE SHIRT SLOGANS

Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.

National Sarcasm Society. Like we need your support.

Heck is where you go when you don't believe in Gosh.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Photography: the hobby for negative people.

My inferiority complex isn't as good as yours.

Cancel my subscription - I don't need your issues!

Physically Pffffffft!

Relish Today ... Ketchup Tomorrow.

Rock is dead. Long live Paper!
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
Most Dangerous Professions......

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, timber cutters have the most perilous profession in the country, with roughly 118 fatalities per 100,000 workers. The rest of the list goes as follows: fishers, pilots and navigators, structural metal workers, driver-sales workers, roofers, electrical power installers, farm occupations, construction laborers, and truck drivers.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
"Don't You Hate it When..."

You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.

The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.

You open a can of soup, and the lid falls in.

There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.

You slice your tongue licking an envelope.

You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.

A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.

You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.

The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.

You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.

Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.

You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.
 
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