One liners, short jokes, funny sayings, puns, etal

[moreluck]

Bumper stickers .......


Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

Boldly Going Nowhere

BOMB SQUAD: If you see me running you better catch up!


Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.

Boy bands. The spawn of Satan.

Boycott shampoo, demand real poo instead.


Bumper sticker in the year 2100: DISCO STILL SUCKS

But I Just Can’t Get My Head That Far Up My Ass

Buy a gun support the constitution.

Buy a gun. Piss off the liberals.

Can I pay my Visa with my MasterCard?

 

[moreluck]

Bumper Stickers ...........


Can't Feed 'Em! Don't Breed Em'!

Careful, I’m not wearing clean underwear!

Cat: The Other White Meat

Caution -- Driver Legally Blonde

CAUTION! I drive like you do!


Caution: I brake for no apparent reason.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Cole’s Law: Thinly Sliced Cabbage

Conceive. Believe. Achieve.

Condoms are easier to change than diapers!

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

Confucious say "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."

 

[moreluck]

Bumper stickers......

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Conserve toilet paper - use both sides.
Conserve water - Shower with a friend
Constipated People Don't Give A .
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Could You Drive Any Better If I Shoved That Cell Phone Up Your Ass?
Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes
D.A.M.M.- Drunks Against Mad Mothers
DANGER: I drive like you do!
DARE to keep cops off doughnuts.

Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Death is the consequence of being alive.

 

[moreluck]

Q: What's it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?

A: Data transfer.

 

[moreluck]

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[moreluck]

 

[moreluck]

Bus Seat.........

A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat.

She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so she pushes him back onto the seat.

A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again.

Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm twelve blocks past my stop already."

 

[moreluck]

Coming Home Late


A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

"Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.

"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?"

The neighbor said, "His name is Bill."

 

[moreluck]

 

[moreluck]

If you ever google Gary Oldman, for God's sake, don' forget the "R" !!

 

[moreluck]

Wrong Department

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?"

To which he replies, "Lady, I'm in sales, not management."

 

[moreluck]

Bubba and Johnny Ray were sittin' on the front porch drinking beer when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by.

"I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery," said Bubba.

"Do what?" asked Johnny Ray.

"Send my grass out to be mowed," answered Bubba.

 

[moreluck]

The Interview

"Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer. "Can you tell me what gross aggrandized annuity means?"

"Certainly," replied the applicant for an accountancy position. "It means I don't get the job."

 

[moreluck]

Elderly Fisherman:


An elderly fisherman wrote the following to a catalog company: "Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."

In a short time he received the following reply: "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."

 

[moreluck]

 

[moreluck]

At The Nursing Home

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, "Supersex!"

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex!"

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

 

[Bringdough]

Man walks into barber shop, asks, bob peters here? Barber says no, just cut hair.


Sent using BrownCafe App

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Man walks into barber shop, asks, bob peters here? Barber says no, just cut hair.


Sent using BrownCafe App

Yawn.


Resident know-it-all.

 

[moreluck]

If jokes are not liked, don't continue to visit this sub forum. Read the civilian ship identification logs instead.

 

[oldngray]

http://www.ihs.com/products/janes/defence/det-products/fighting-ships.aspx