Fred's Myth
Nonhyphenated American
Q. What do you CALL a dog with no legs?
A. Doesn't matter, he's not coming anyway!
Abe Excode
Well-Known Member
I don't know if this was said but I'm going to say it anyway.
You ever heard of the movie constipation?
"No."
That's because it hasn't come out yet.
You ever heard of the movie constipation?
"No."
That's because it hasn't come out yet.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Things Not to Say on Your Valentine's Date
I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.
I used to come here all the time with my ex.
I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it.
Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
I like clay. It's mushy.
I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.
It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.
____________________
What did one oar say to the other?
"Can I interest you in a little row-mance?"
I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.
I used to come here all the time with my ex.
I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it.
Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
I like clay. It's mushy.
I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.
It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.
____________________
What did one oar say to the other?
"Can I interest you in a little row-mance?"
moreluck
golden ticket member
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife... she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over... women like that are hard to find."
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over... women like that are hard to find."
Fred's Myth
Nonhyphenated American
What did the cannibal use after dumping his girlfriend?
Toilet paper.
Toilet paper.
moreluck
golden ticket member
The office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day someone asked him how things had gone. "She uses too many four-letter words for me," was the reply.
"Really?"
"Yes," answered the playboy. "All evening long she was saying "don't" and "stop" and "quit that."
"Really?"
"Yes," answered the playboy. "All evening long she was saying "don't" and "stop" and "quit that."
moreluck
golden ticket member
The Israeli Archaeologist......
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.
"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. Abe replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."
A week later, the amazed Abe called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"
"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.
"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. Abe replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."
A week later, the amazed Abe called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"
"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."
Whitelexus
Well-Known Member
What do you call a group of unorganized cats?
A catastrophe
Bahahaha
A catastrophe
Bahahaha
Brown echo
If u are not alive than for sure truth is not real
President trump sleeps with beautiful women , There is no pee pee tape.
moreluck
golden ticket member
An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman.
"Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked.
"Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa."
"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.
"Sectional, schmectional." she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!"
"Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked.
"Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa."
"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.
"Sectional, schmectional." she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!"
moreluck
golden ticket member
"I hear that Mrs. B hasn't paid her servants any wages for a number of months," remarked one lady to another in a suburban town.
"Why does she keep such a number of them then?" was the pertinent inquiry.
"Oh, Mrs. B tells everyone she regards it as her solemn duty to employ as many as possible when times are so hard."
"Why does she keep such a number of them then?" was the pertinent inquiry.
"Oh, Mrs. B tells everyone she regards it as her solemn duty to employ as many as possible when times are so hard."
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