Heard any good ones?

[moreluck]

Medical Advice

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."

 

[moreluck]

Things Cats Must Try To Remember...

I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are not cat toys.

If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.

I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.

I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and screaming at it will not bring it any closer.

The goldfish likes living in water and doesn't want to come out and play.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.

The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not freak out every time I see it.

I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail fluffed up will not make my balls grow back.

 

[moreluck]

This was MY life!!!

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN...?

All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?

It took five minutes for the TV warm up?



Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?

Nobody owned a purebred dog?



When a quarter was a decent allowance?

You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?

Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?

All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had
their hair done every day and wore high heels?

You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped,
without asking, all for free, every time?
And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?

Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?

It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner
at a real restaurant with your parents?

They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . .and they did?

When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise,
peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?

No one ever asked where the car keys were
because they were always in the car,
in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?

Lying on your back in the grass with your friends
and saying things like, "That cloud looks like a .."

and playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?

Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals
because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?

And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once,
you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace,
and share it with the children of today?

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing
compared to the fate that awaited the student at home?
Basically we were in fear for our lives,
but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.

Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat!
But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.

Send this on to someone who can still remember
Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy,
Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery,
the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows,
Nellie Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.


As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games,
Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool,
and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that"?



I am sharing this with you today
because it ended with a double dog dare to pass it on.
To remember what a double dog dare is, read on.
And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between
old enough to know better and too young to care.

How many of these do you remember?

Candy cigarettes
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
Newsreels before the movie
P.friend. Fliers


Telephone numbers with a word prefix....(Raymond 4-6801).
Party lines

Peashooters
Howdy Dowdy
45 RPM records
Green Stamps
Hi-Fi's

Metal ice cubes trays with levers
Mimeograph paper
Beanie and Cecil
Roller-skate keys
Cork pop guns
Drive ins
Studebakers


Washtub wringers
The Fuller Brush Man
Reel-To-Reel tape recorders
Tinkertoys
Erector Sets
The Fort Apache Play Set
Lincoln Logs
15 cent McDonald hamburgers


5 cent packs of baseball cards -
with that awful pink slab of bubble gum

Penny candy

35 cent a gallon gasoline
Jiffy Pop popcorn

Do you remember a time when...

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"?
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"?
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?
It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"?
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?
A foot of snow was a dream come true?

Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures?
"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
War was a card game?
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!!

Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from
their "grown-up" life . . .I double-dog-dare-ya!

 

[moreluck]

The History And Uses Of WD-40
>
> WD-40 - a few facts about this well-known product. When you read the
> "shower door" part, try it. It's the first thing that has cleaned that
spotty
> shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It's a
> miracle!
> Then try it on your stove top... Viola! It's now shinier than it's ever
been.
> You'll be amazed.
>
> The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and
> degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three
> technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes
> from the project that was to find a "water displacement" compound. They
> were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40.
>
> The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their Atlas missile
> parts. The workers were so pleased with the product, they began
> smuggling (also known as "shrinkage" or "stealing") it out to use at
> home. The executives decided there might be a consumer market for it
> and put it in aerosol cans. The rest, as they say, is history.
>
> It is a carefully guarded recipe known only to four people. Only one of
> them is the "brew master." There are about 2.5 million gallons of the
> stuff manufactured each year. It gets it's distinctive smell from a
> fragrance that is added to the brew. Ken East (one of the original
> founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.
>
> Here are some of the uses:
> * Protects silver from tarnishing
> * Cleans and lubricates guitar strings
> * Gets oil spots off concrete driveways
> * Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making it slippery
> * Keeps flies off cows
> * Restores and cleans chalkboards
> * Removes lipstick stains
> * Loosens stubborn zippers
> * Untangles jewelry chains
> * Removes stains from stainless steel sinks
> * Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill
> * Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing
> * Removes tomato stains from clothing
> * Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots
> * Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors
> * Keeps scissors working smoothly
> * Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes
> * Gives a children's play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide
> * Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on
riding
> mowers
> * Rids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises
> * Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open
> * Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close
> * Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as
vinyl
> bumpers
> * Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles
> * Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans
> * Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons and bicycles for easy
> handling
> * Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running
smoothly
> * Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools
> * Removes splattered grease on stove
> * Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging
> * Lubricates prosthetic limbs
> * Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell)
> * Removes all traces of duct tape
>
> I have even heard of folks spraying it on their arms, hands, and knees
> to relieve arthritis pain.
>
> Florida's favorite use was "cleans and removes love bugs from grills and
> bumpers"
>
> The favorite use in the state of New York--WD-40 protects the Statue of
> Liberty from the elements.
>
> WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will
> be catching the big one in no time. Also it's a lot cheaper than the
> chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind
> though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not
> allowed in some states.
>
> Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately, and
> stops the itch.
>
> WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and
> wipe with a clean rag.
>
> Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and
> dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick
> spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto! Lipstick is gone!
>
> If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the
> moisture and allow the car to start. (If I knew where the distributor cap
> was, it might help)
>
> WD-40, long known for its ability to remove leftover tape mung (sticky
> label tape), is also a lovely perfume and air freshener! Sprayed
> liberally on every hinge in the house, it leaves that distinctive clean
> fresh scent for up to two days!
>
> Seriously though, it removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor!
> Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't
> seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to
> get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of
> marks.
>
> Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly!
> Use WD-40!
>
> The applications appear to be endless.
>
>

 

[moreluck]

Scotch & Water.....

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops
of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this
cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."

The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
In fact, this one is on me."

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like
to buy you a drink, too."

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops
of water."

"Coming up," says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her
left says, "I would like to buy you one, too."

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two
drops of water."

"Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says,
"Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of
water?"

The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to
hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue."

 

[moreluck]

Fender Skirts ---days gone by
>
>
> What a great blast from the past! I haven't thought about fender skirts in
> years. When I was a kid, I considered it such a funny term.
>
>
> Made me think of a car in a dress. Thinking about fender skirts started
> me
> thinking about other words that quietly disappear from our language with
> hardly a notice.
>
>
> Like "curb feelers" and "steering knobs." Since I'd been thinking of
> cars,
> my mind naturally went that direction first. Any kids will probably have
> to
> find some elderly person over 50 to explain some of these terms to you.
>
>
> Remember "Continental kits?" They were rear bumper extenders and spare
> tire
> covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln
> Continental.
>
>
> When did we quit calling them "emergency brakes?" At some point "parking
> brake" became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that went
> with
> "emergency brake."
>
>
> `I'm sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who would call the
> accelerator the "foot feed."
>
>
> Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never
> anymore-"store-bought." Of course, just about everything is store-bought
> these days. But once it
> was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a store-bought bag
> of
> candy.
>
>
> "Coast to coast" is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement and
> now
> means almost nothing. Now we take the term "worldwide" for granted. This
> floors me.
>
>
> On a smaller scale, "wall-to-wall" was once a magical term in our homes.
> In
> the '50s, everyone covered their hardwood floors with, wow, wall-to-wall
> carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall carpeting with
> hardwood
> floors. Go figure.
>
>
> When's the last time you heard the quaint phrase "in a family way?" It's
> hard
> to imagine that the word "pregnant" was once considered a little too
> graphic, a little too clinical for use in polite company. So we had all
> that talk
> about stork visits and "being in a family way" or simply"expecting."
>
>
> Apparently "brassiere" is a word no longer in usage. I said it the other
> day
> and my daughter cracked up. I guess it's just "bra" now. "Unmentionables"
> probably wouldn't be understood at all.
>
>
> It's hard to recall that this word was once said in a whisper -"divorce."
> And
> no one is called a "divorcee" anymore. Certainly not a "gay divorcee."
> Come
> to think of it, "confirmed bachelors" and "career girls" are long gone,
> too.
>
>
> Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a pure-'60s word I
> came
> across the other day - "rat fink." Ooh, what a nasty put-down!
>
>
> Here's a word I miss - "percolator." That was just a fun word to say. And
> what was it replaced with? "Coffeemaker." How dull. Mr.Coffee, I blame
> you for
> this.
>
>
> I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so modern
> and
> now sound so retro. Words like DynaFlow" and "ElectraLuxe."
>
>
> Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now with "SpectraVision!" Food for
> thought -
> Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago? Nobody complains of that
> anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil cured, because I never hear
> mothers
> threatening their kids with castor oil anymore.
>
>
> Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list.
>
>
> The one that grieves me most - "supper." Now everybody says "dinner".
>
>
> Save a great word. Invite someone to "supper. Discuss fender skirts.
>

 

[moreluck]

Cajun Joke....

Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an he done run outa night
>
> crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wit a big frog
> in
>
> his mouf.
>
>
>
> He knowed dat dem big bass fish like frogs, so he decided to steal dat
>
> froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin so he had to be
>
> real careful or he'd git bit.
>
>
>
> He snuk up behine dat snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake
>
> din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrap hisself roun Boudreaux's arm
>
> try'n to get hisself free. But Boudreaux, him had a real good grip on his
>
> haid, yeh.
>
>
> Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his
> bait can.
>
> Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or his gonna
>
> bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bib
>
> over hauls and pulls out a pint a moonshine likker. He pour some drops
>
> into de snakes mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs roll back in his haid and
>
> his body go limp.
>
> Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou. Den he goes back to
>
> fishin'.
>
> A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin' on his barefoot toe. He
>
> slowly look down and dare wuz dat water moccasin wif two more frogs.
>

 

[jcroche]

How to clean the toilet:


1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

 

[moreluck]

Subject: Uh-oh!

My first stop on my vacation was my sister's house in Montana.
She's extremely organized. Before she leaves on a trip, she always
types up address labels for her postcards. This time, I figured
I'd done her one better. I boasted, "You'll be impressed. I've
already written thank-you notes to everyone with whom I'll be
staying. They're all stamped and ready to go."

My sister was silent for a moment, and then she said, "You mean
those little envelopes I saw in your room and mailed this morning?"

 

[moreluck]

Subject: Women golfers

Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament
and met on the putting green for the first time.

After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your
handicap?"

"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied.

"Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she
was paired up with her.

"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad
ones

 

[moreluck]

OOPS....

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

When the case came before the court, the young man was as asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was: 'When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins", then she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments remove Swelling". I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "William's Stick Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident."



He won the case.

 

[moreluck]

GOOD ONE

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained
that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. I've gone for 30
years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like
3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of
them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs
by giving sermons at all." This started a real controversy in the
"Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It
went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:
................................ I've been married for 30 years now. In
that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me,
I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I
do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to
do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be
physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for
nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!" When you are DOWN to
nothing.... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes
the incredible and receives the impossible!

 

[moreluck]

There were two Roman Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and An-
> > tonio Secola whose lives paralleled each other in amazing
> > ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio
> > was born in Italy. Faithfully, they attended parochial school
> > from kindergarten through their senior year in High School.
> >
> > They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college,
> > and upon graduation became priests. Their priestly careers
> > have come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowled-
> > ged that Antonio was just a cut above Timothy in all respects.
> > Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop, and finally
> > Cardinal was meteoric to say the least, and the Catholic world
> > knew that when the present Pope died, it would be either Tim-
> > othy or Antonio who would become the next Pope.
> >
> > In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went
> > to work. In less time than anyone expected smoke rose from
> > the chimney and the world waited to see who they had chosen.
> >
> > The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to
> > learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope. Antonio was
> > beyond surprise, he was devastated because, even with all
> > Timothy's giftedness, Antonio knew he was the better qualified.
> >
> > With a gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio asked for a
> > private session with them in which he candidly asked, "Why
> > Timothy?'
> >
> > After long silence one old Cardinal took pity on the bewil-
> > dered Antonio and rose to reply, "We knew you were the better
> > of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the
> > leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called Pope Secola."
> >

 

[moreluck]

Subject: Obeying Signs

My husband was delivering an old typewriter donated to our local mission. Unable to open the door, he stepped back and saw a large sign that read: DOOR STICKS. PULL HARD. Tugging energetically on the door handle, my husband still met with no success so he placed his foot against the building and pulled with all his strength. Just after the doorknob came off in his hand, he spotted a smaller sign: CLOSED WEDNESDAYS.

 

[moreluck]

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up
with Father Rafferty.
The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan & didn't
I marry ye & yer husband 2 years ago?"
She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."
The Father asked, "And be there any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "No, not yet, Father." The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to
Rome next week; I'll light a candle for ye & yer husband."
She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father."
They parted ways. Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"
The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins & 4 singles, 10 in all!"
The Father said, "That's wonderful!" How is yer loving husband doing?"
She replied, "'E's gone to Rome .... to blow out yer fookin' candle!"

 

[moreluck]

Ahkmed the Arab came to the United States from the
> > Middle East, and he was
> > only here a few months when he became very ill. He
> > went to doctor after
> > doctor, but none of them could help him.
> >
> > Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said, "Take
> > dees bucket, go into de
> > odder room, poop in de bucket, pee on de poop, and
> > den put your head down
> > over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten
> > minutes."
> >
> > Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room,
> > pooped in the bucket,
> > peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the
> > fumes for ten minutes.
> >
> > Coming back to the doctor he said,: "It worked. I
> > feel terrific! What was
> > wrong with me?"
> >
> > The doctor said,: "You were homesick."
>

 

[moreluck]

New Proposals

The Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal from a hundred yards away.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.

 

[jcroche]

Subject: Why Fishing may be Better Than Sex

#20 - No matter how much whiskey you've had, you can still Fish.

#19 - A limp rod is still useful while Fishing.

#18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines.

#17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a
professional to Fish with you once in a while.

#16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything
against Fishing.

#15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.

#14 - Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you Fished with long ago.

#13 - It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a
total stranger.

#12 - When you see a really good Fishing person, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.

#11 - If your regular Fishing partner isn't
available, he/she won't object if you Fish with
someone else.

#10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go
blind if you Fish by yourself.

#9 - When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.

#8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a
seedy neighborhood to buy Fishing stuff.

#7 - You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for harassment.

#6 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

#5 - If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

#4 - Nobody expects you to Fish with the same
partner for the rest of your life.

#3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

#2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a
vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.

#1 - Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not
again? We just Fished last week!

 

[moreluck]

Subject: Cuba

I couldn't figure out why Cuba didn't have a better Olympic rowing team.

Then I realized that their best rowers probably live in the United States

 

[moreluck]

Fairy Tales and Technology

If you think technology has changed the work world, just take a look at what's happening in never-never land. A recent update reports that today:

Little Bo Peep never loses sheep because of their embedded silicon identity chips.

Cinderella searches for her prince on Match.com - and leases her pumpkin-colored SUV at Avis.com.

Hansel and Gretel use the GPS rather than breadcrumbs but have reported problems stuffing the wicked witch into her microwave oven.

To avoid travel stress, Alice now plans her Wonderland vacation with velocity.com.

A reformed Ebenezer Scrooge sends Bob Cratchett to update his certification for Excel and Quiken.

Jack's making a fortune on his beanstalk bioengineering breakthrough.

Old McDonald uses voice recognition to make ordering easy at his agricultural auction site http://www.eieio.com.

Romeo and Juliet avoid tragic problems by keeping in touch through their cell phones.

With her early Web capabilities, Charlotte is now a motivational speaker at tech conferences around the world.

The Pied Piper switched career fields after his tunes were bootlegged on Napster.

King Arthur has replaced that expensive round table with satellite video conferencing.

Gulliver is on sabbatical using up all his frequent flyer miles.

Jack and Jill order their Evian on peapod.com.