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moreluck
golden ticket member
The Blonde Year In Review
January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
February - Ordered new drapes for her computer because it had windows.
March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years."
April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water wouldn't fit into the little packet.
June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope
July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.
August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.
September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C "
October - Hates M &M's because they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120.
December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.
January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
February - Ordered new drapes for her computer because it had windows.
March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years."
April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water wouldn't fit into the little packet.
June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope
July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.
August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.
September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C "
October - Hates M &M's because they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120.
December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Normal?.......
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a National Organization for Women gathering, and his hostess broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'
The woman thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a National Organization for Women gathering, and his hostess broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'
The woman thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
moreluck
golden ticket member
Sad Christmas News!!
There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year!
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason; they simply have not been able to find three wise men or a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year!
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason; they simply have not been able to find three wise men or a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Press Release - Christmas and Chanukah Merger:
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. According to reliable industry sources, the deal has been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.
While not all details were available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, reporters were told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high quality service during the Fifteen Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being hardest hit. Under conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl,currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a much wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic: "Miraculous stuff happens."
In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreo cookies were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.
A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might invite antitrust scrutiny as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. According to reliable industry sources, the deal has been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.
While not all details were available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, reporters were told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high quality service during the Fifteen Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being hardest hit. Under conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl,currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a much wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic: "Miraculous stuff happens."
In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreo cookies were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.
A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might invite antitrust scrutiny as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."
A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:
"To My Dear Wife",
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife.
Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 22 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be upset. I shall be back home before midnight."
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
"My Dear Husband",
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old.
As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virle, and, like your secretary, is 22 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference. 22 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 22.
Therefore, I will not be back home until sometime tomorrow."
"To My Dear Wife",
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife.
Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 22 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be upset. I shall be back home before midnight."
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
"My Dear Husband",
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old.
As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virle, and, like your secretary, is 22 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference. 22 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 22.
Therefore, I will not be back home until sometime tomorrow."
moreluck
golden ticket member
Thanksgiving Evening....
I ate too much turkey, I ate too much corn, I ate too much pudding and pie. I'm stuffed up with muffins and too much stuffin' I'm probably going to die.
I piled up my plate and I ate and I ate. But I wish I had known when to stop, For I'm so crammed with yams, sauces, gravies, and jams That my buttons are starting to pop!
I'm full of tomatoes and french fried potatoes My stomach is swollen and sore, But there's still some dessert so I guess it won't hurt if I eat just a little bit more!
I ate too much turkey, I ate too much corn, I ate too much pudding and pie. I'm stuffed up with muffins and too much stuffin' I'm probably going to die.
I piled up my plate and I ate and I ate. But I wish I had known when to stop, For I'm so crammed with yams, sauces, gravies, and jams That my buttons are starting to pop!
I'm full of tomatoes and french fried potatoes My stomach is swollen and sore, But there's still some dessert so I guess it won't hurt if I eat just a little bit more!
moreluck
golden ticket member
Signs a woman may have PMS .......
She stops reading Cosmo and starts reading Guns and Ammo.
She buys $100 worth of chocolate and justifies it by saying "But honey, I just know it's one of the major food groups."
She puts on one of those pads with "wings," then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding her broom.
She's suddenly developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles.
She retains more water than Lake Superior.
She denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semiautomatic and "chambers a round."
She buys me a new T-shirt with a "bulls eye" on the front.
When I ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says, "All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?"
She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm.
She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, and then mauls the manager because they're out of Diet Coke.
She stops reading Cosmo and starts reading Guns and Ammo.
She buys $100 worth of chocolate and justifies it by saying "But honey, I just know it's one of the major food groups."
She puts on one of those pads with "wings," then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding her broom.
She's suddenly developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles.
She retains more water than Lake Superior.
She denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semiautomatic and "chambers a round."
She buys me a new T-shirt with a "bulls eye" on the front.
When I ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says, "All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?"
She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm.
She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, and then mauls the manager because they're out of Diet Coke.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Road signs are a real indication of what an area is like.
Here in Texas we have signs saying "Deer Crossing". At Yellowstone you have signs saying "Bear Crossing". In Africa you have signs saying "Elephant Crossing". And in Washington DC, you have signs saying "Double Crossing".
Here in Texas we have signs saying "Deer Crossing". At Yellowstone you have signs saying "Bear Crossing". In Africa you have signs saying "Elephant Crossing". And in Washington DC, you have signs saying "Double Crossing".
moreluck
golden ticket member
Child Psychologist. . . . .
One man tells of sitting next to a "wise" woman on a flight to Florida. He was preparing his notes for one of the parent- education seminars he conducted as an educational psychologist.
Bessie, an older woman sitting next to him, explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston.
Then she inquired what he did for a living. The man explained that he was a doctor psychologist specializing in children. He dreaded telling her this, as he fully expected her to question him for free professional advice during the three-hour flight.
Instead, she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "So doctor, if there's anything you want to know, just ask me."
One man tells of sitting next to a "wise" woman on a flight to Florida. He was preparing his notes for one of the parent- education seminars he conducted as an educational psychologist.
Bessie, an older woman sitting next to him, explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston.
Then she inquired what he did for a living. The man explained that he was a doctor psychologist specializing in children. He dreaded telling her this, as he fully expected her to question him for free professional advice during the three-hour flight.
Instead, she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "So doctor, if there's anything you want to know, just ask me."
moreluck
golden ticket member
Rules For Choosing A Superhero Name.......
Don't call yourself by your real name: e.g., The Incredible Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster.
Don't call yourself by someone else's real name: e.g., Super Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin. Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess: e.g., Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman.
Don't be too modest: e.g., Mr. Pretty Good, Captain So-so, Fairly Incredibleman, Captian Invincible on a good day. But don't labor the point: e.g., Mr. So-Powerful- Don't-Even-Think- About-It-Buddy.
Don't choose a name detrimental to your crime fighting image: e.g.,Captain Spongecake, Mr. Silly, Yellow Streak, Purple Slippers, Captain Sweetiepie.
Don't choose the name of an existing Superhero unless you have lots of money and enjoy fighting litigation instead of supervillains.
It's no use calling yourself Captain Invincible if your only power is control over Hostess Twinkies and you suffer from a congenial hole-in-the-heart condition. It's just asking for trouble.
Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're not. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're a girl.
Don't give away important information in your name, e.g. The Glass Jaw, Captain Vulnerable To Strontium 90. Don't call yourself The Green Avenger if you wear an orange costume. You'll confuse people.
Don't call yourself by your real name: e.g., The Incredible Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster.
Don't call yourself by someone else's real name: e.g., Super Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin. Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess: e.g., Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman.
Don't be too modest: e.g., Mr. Pretty Good, Captain So-so, Fairly Incredibleman, Captian Invincible on a good day. But don't labor the point: e.g., Mr. So-Powerful- Don't-Even-Think- About-It-Buddy.
Don't choose a name detrimental to your crime fighting image: e.g.,Captain Spongecake, Mr. Silly, Yellow Streak, Purple Slippers, Captain Sweetiepie.
Don't choose the name of an existing Superhero unless you have lots of money and enjoy fighting litigation instead of supervillains.
It's no use calling yourself Captain Invincible if your only power is control over Hostess Twinkies and you suffer from a congenial hole-in-the-heart condition. It's just asking for trouble.
Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're not. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're a girl.
Don't give away important information in your name, e.g. The Glass Jaw, Captain Vulnerable To Strontium 90. Don't call yourself The Green Avenger if you wear an orange costume. You'll confuse people.
moreluck
golden ticket member
ATF......
Do you know that there's a Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms?
Only in America would we combine these three hobbies into a government agency.
I called them up. Some guy answered, "Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms," I asked "What bourbon goes with an M-16?"
Do you know that there's a Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms?
Only in America would we combine these three hobbies into a government agency.
I called them up. Some guy answered, "Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms," I asked "What bourbon goes with an M-16?"
moreluck
golden ticket member
PREACHER AND THE COWBOY
One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present.
The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay..."
One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present.
The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay..."
moreluck
golden ticket member
Women's Golfing Terms. . . .
Double Bogey: 'Casablanca' followed by 'African Queen.'
Iron: What guys need to learn to do their own shirts.
Good Lie: Weight on their driver's license.
Greens: Lunch we eat when we'd rather have a cheeseburger.
Hole-In-One: Time to get new pantyhose.
Fairway: Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch.
Shaft: You watch the kids while he gets to go golfing.
Slice: 'No thanks. Just a sliver.'
Water Hazard: Giving the kids too much to drink before a road trip.
Chipping: Time to get our nails done again.
Double Bogey: 'Casablanca' followed by 'African Queen.'
Iron: What guys need to learn to do their own shirts.
Good Lie: Weight on their driver's license.
Greens: Lunch we eat when we'd rather have a cheeseburger.
Hole-In-One: Time to get new pantyhose.
Fairway: Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch.
Shaft: You watch the kids while he gets to go golfing.
Slice: 'No thanks. Just a sliver.'
Water Hazard: Giving the kids too much to drink before a road trip.
Chipping: Time to get our nails done again.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Attorney
Attorney Jones and Smith were arguing over whether sex was work or pleasure. Being unable to reach an agreement, they decided they would ask their paralegal to decide the issue. Upon explaining the question to their paralegal, he thought for a moment before responding, "Why, is it definitely all pleasure." Smith, who'd felt it was work, asked, "But how can you say that so quickly?" The paralegal just smiled and replied, "Why, that's easy. If there were any work involved, you'd have me do it for you."
Attorney Jones and Smith were arguing over whether sex was work or pleasure. Being unable to reach an agreement, they decided they would ask their paralegal to decide the issue. Upon explaining the question to their paralegal, he thought for a moment before responding, "Why, is it definitely all pleasure." Smith, who'd felt it was work, asked, "But how can you say that so quickly?" The paralegal just smiled and replied, "Why, that's easy. If there were any work involved, you'd have me do it for you."
moreluck
golden ticket member
Subject: Xmas Carols Title QUIZ
A Caroling We Will Go.....
Feeling Christmasy sharp? Will your melodious senses let you chime in with
the popular titles for these Christmas carols or will you be left feeling flat?
1) To sum forth the entire assembly loyal in their belief !
2) We listen to messengers of harmonious sounds!
3) Nocturnal times pan of unbroken quietness!
4) Small Judean municipality, southeast of Jerusalem!
5) Our auditory mechanisms perceive their voices at the zenith!
6) Diminutive masculine master of skin covered cylinders!
7) May blessings grant respite to ecstatic personages of male gender!
8) Venture forth and voice from a specific alpine geological formation!
9) The first person nominative plural of a triumvirate of Oriental potentates!
10) Nocturnal awe of the time span characterized by religiosity!
11) Distant from the present locale in a device devoted to animal alimentation!
12) The initial commemoration of divine incarnation!
13) It occurred during the nocturnal point equidistant between crepuscular periods of
nonprecipitious weather!
14) A troiche of oceangoing vehicles was apparent to me!
15) Felicitations to Sol's third major satellite!
16) Do not prevent the crystallization of hydrogen hydroxide forming precipitate
from the atmosphere!
17) Apply an ecologic visually aesthetic improvement to interior causeways!
18) The metallic hemispherical percussion instruments stimulated my auditory
nerves at the incarnation feast!
19) During the vigilance of custodians of ruminants of the genus ovis!
20) I shall return to the situs of my domicile for the celebration of devine nativity!
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1) Oh Come All Ye Faithful
2) Hark The Heralds Angels Sing
3) Silent Night
4) Oh Little Town Of Bethlehem
5) Angels We Have Heard On High
6) Little Drummer Boy
7) God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
8) Go Tell It On The Mountain
9) We 3 Kings
10) I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas
11) Away In A Manger
12) The First Noel
13) It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
14) I Saw 3 Ships Come Sailing
15) Joy To The World
16) Let It Snow
17) Deck The Halls
18) The Christmas Bells
19) While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night
20) I'll Be Home For Christmas
A Caroling We Will Go.....
Feeling Christmasy sharp? Will your melodious senses let you chime in with
the popular titles for these Christmas carols or will you be left feeling flat?
1) To sum forth the entire assembly loyal in their belief !
2) We listen to messengers of harmonious sounds!
3) Nocturnal times pan of unbroken quietness!
4) Small Judean municipality, southeast of Jerusalem!
5) Our auditory mechanisms perceive their voices at the zenith!
6) Diminutive masculine master of skin covered cylinders!
7) May blessings grant respite to ecstatic personages of male gender!
8) Venture forth and voice from a specific alpine geological formation!
9) The first person nominative plural of a triumvirate of Oriental potentates!
10) Nocturnal awe of the time span characterized by religiosity!
11) Distant from the present locale in a device devoted to animal alimentation!
12) The initial commemoration of divine incarnation!
13) It occurred during the nocturnal point equidistant between crepuscular periods of
nonprecipitious weather!
14) A troiche of oceangoing vehicles was apparent to me!
15) Felicitations to Sol's third major satellite!
16) Do not prevent the crystallization of hydrogen hydroxide forming precipitate
from the atmosphere!
17) Apply an ecologic visually aesthetic improvement to interior causeways!
18) The metallic hemispherical percussion instruments stimulated my auditory
nerves at the incarnation feast!
19) During the vigilance of custodians of ruminants of the genus ovis!
20) I shall return to the situs of my domicile for the celebration of devine nativity!
Answers
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1) Oh Come All Ye Faithful
2) Hark The Heralds Angels Sing
3) Silent Night
4) Oh Little Town Of Bethlehem
5) Angels We Have Heard On High
6) Little Drummer Boy
7) God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
8) Go Tell It On The Mountain
9) We 3 Kings
10) I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas
11) Away In A Manger
12) The First Noel
13) It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
14) I Saw 3 Ships Come Sailing
15) Joy To The World
16) Let It Snow
17) Deck The Halls
18) The Christmas Bells
19) While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night
20) I'll Be Home For Christmas
moreluck
golden ticket member
NO EXCUSE SUNDAY
To make it possible for everyone to attend church on Sunday, we are proposing to have a special 'No Excuse Sunday.'
1. Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
2. They will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof will cave in if I ever came to church."
3. Blankets will be furnished for those who say it is too cold and fans for those who say it is too hot.
4. There will be hearing aids for those who say, "The pastor speaks too softly," and cotton for those who say, "He preaches too loudly."
5 Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
6. Some relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sunday.
7. There will be TV dinners for those who can't go to church and cook dinner too.
8. Golf clubs will be available for practice swings for those who like to golf on Sunday.
To make it possible for everyone to attend church on Sunday, we are proposing to have a special 'No Excuse Sunday.'
1. Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
2. They will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof will cave in if I ever came to church."
3. Blankets will be furnished for those who say it is too cold and fans for those who say it is too hot.
4. There will be hearing aids for those who say, "The pastor speaks too softly," and cotton for those who say, "He preaches too loudly."
5 Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
6. Some relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sunday.
7. There will be TV dinners for those who can't go to church and cook dinner too.
8. Golf clubs will be available for practice swings for those who like to golf on Sunday.
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