Jokes
- Thread starter DS
- Start date
moreluck
golden ticket member
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?"he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided todrive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then thedrawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river,look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviouslydisappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided todrive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then thedrawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river,look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviouslydisappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
moreluck
golden ticket member
Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game.
They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniels into the ball park. The game is really exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely...mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks.
Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.
Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?
Think!
Think some more!!
***
Answer: It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded!
They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniels into the ball park. The game is really exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely...mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks.
Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.
Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?
Think!
Think some more!!
***
Answer: It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded!
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
Funny?
moreluck
golden ticket member
Yes!
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
Hardly.
moreluck
golden ticket member
You could be a judge on Last Comic Standing.......right, Roseanne?
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
Your jokes are not funny and your facts are anything but.
moreluck
golden ticket member
I actually have "facts that are false" as a title under Facts. You have to be able to read to know that.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Steven Wright
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... The study of milkmen.
Today I was arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli. I sold a #3 for 28 bucks.
I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
I was walking down the street and saw a sign on a post. It said: "Lost--$50. If found, just keep it."
I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else's property.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work.
The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
Some people think George is weird, because he has sideburns behind his ears. I think George is weird, because he has false teeth. With braces on them. George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... You can't hear him talk.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... The study of milkmen.
Today I was arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli. I sold a #3 for 28 bucks.
I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
I was walking down the street and saw a sign on a post. It said: "Lost--$50. If found, just keep it."
I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else's property.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work.
The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
Some people think George is weird, because he has sideburns behind his ears. I think George is weird, because he has false teeth. With braces on them. George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... You can't hear him talk.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"
