Jokes

[moreluck]

A Scottish atheist was spending a quiet day fishing in the lake when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened its mouth waiting below to swallow them both.
As the Scotsman sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"
Suddenly, the scene froze in place and as the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

 

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[moreluck]

A man moves into a n*dist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a n*dist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top half.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says... "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style, it makes your nose look too short!"

 

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[onewithedd]

 

[moreluck]

Filling out a credit card application, my friend came upon this question:"What is your source of income?"

She wrote: "ATM."

 

[Boulevard859710]

Or actually open up more the two of the twenty five that a standard Walmart has .lol

 

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[Glide09]

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[Glide09]

 

[Brown echo]

 

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When Parents say to kids, "Go to your room and think about what you've done", it's really good practice for what you'll do every night as an adult. -Pat Tobin-

 

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[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Frogs and toads are not one in the same.

 

[moreluck]

Frogs and toads are not one in the same.

Have you told your grandkids yet that there's NO SANTA ?? Party pooper.
Most people know that frogs & toads are not the same...........upschuck can vouch for that.
Stating the obvious is not a talent.......thinking outside the box is. Don't do a crossword, it involves thinking more than one way.

 

[moreluck]

dog, perspective, life