One liners, short jokes, funny sayings, puns, etal
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moreluck
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Little Bobby
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked, “Doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?”
Bobby said, “Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.”
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him, “What makes you say God did this with his left hand?”
“Well,” said Bobby, “we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!”
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked, “Doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?”
Bobby said, “Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.”
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him, “What makes you say God did this with his left hand?”
“Well,” said Bobby, “we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!”
moreluck
golden ticket member
Simple Tests
Molly was worried that her three-year-old son was unusually precocious, and took him to a psychiatrist.
"Right," said the shrink, "We'll just try a few simple tests."
To Morris the boy, he said "Say a few words - anything that comes into your mind."
The boy turned to his mother and asked, "Does he want logically constructed sentences or just a few random and purely isolated words without any split infinitives ?"
Molly was worried that her three-year-old son was unusually precocious, and took him to a psychiatrist.
"Right," said the shrink, "We'll just try a few simple tests."
To Morris the boy, he said "Say a few words - anything that comes into your mind."
The boy turned to his mother and asked, "Does he want logically constructed sentences or just a few random and purely isolated words without any split infinitives ?"
moreluck
golden ticket member
Relatives
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
moreluck
golden ticket member
FedEx Copyright
In Syracuse, N.Y., Federal Express no longer has any competition. But not the package-delivery system, where there are formidable rivals such as United Parcel Service. No, we're talking about copyright infringement.
It seems FedEx has triumphed in its three-year battle against a local coffee shop. First, the shop called itself Federal Espresso. Agreeing to a change, the owners then came up with Ex-Federal Expresso. The shipping giant still wasn't amused.
Now the two have reached a settlement, and the java business has adopted the name Freedom of Espresso.
In Syracuse, N.Y., Federal Express no longer has any competition. But not the package-delivery system, where there are formidable rivals such as United Parcel Service. No, we're talking about copyright infringement.
It seems FedEx has triumphed in its three-year battle against a local coffee shop. First, the shop called itself Federal Espresso. Agreeing to a change, the owners then came up with Ex-Federal Expresso. The shipping giant still wasn't amused.
Now the two have reached a settlement, and the java business has adopted the name Freedom of Espresso.
moreluck
golden ticket member
How Did You Do That?
During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?"
"I could tell you, sir", the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you."
After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then... just tell my wife!"
During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?"
"I could tell you, sir", the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you."
After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then... just tell my wife!"
moreluck
golden ticket member
What's So Funny?
A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, "They don't serve beer here, you maroon!"
The German fellow felt embarrassed, however he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle.
"And what's so funny?" the New Yorker demands.
Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you are. You came here for the food!"
A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, "They don't serve beer here, you maroon!"
The German fellow felt embarrassed, however he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle.
"And what's so funny?" the New Yorker demands.
Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you are. You came here for the food!"
moreluck
golden ticket member
All About the Numbers
A factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you."
"Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "You know that I argue every bill and always pay late."
The factory owner said, "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred."
A factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you."
"Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "You know that I argue every bill and always pay late."
The factory owner said, "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred."
moreluck
golden ticket member
The Light of the World
A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation. His mother, sitting in the front row to prompt him, gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it didn't help. Her son's memory was blank.
Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, "I am the light of the world."
The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud, clear voice said, "My mother is the light of the world."
A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation. His mother, sitting in the front row to prompt him, gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it didn't help. Her son's memory was blank.
Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, "I am the light of the world."
The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud, clear voice said, "My mother is the light of the world."
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