One liners, short jokes, funny sayings, puns, etal
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moreluck
golden ticket member
Washing Instructions
One day I decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after I stepped into the laundry room, I shouted to my wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
I yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”
One day I decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after I stepped into the laundry room, I shouted to my wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
I yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
Did you ever notice that only the parents of ugly daughters get their full 8 hours of sleep?
moreluck
golden ticket member
April Fools Day has passed......
moreluck
golden ticket member
Scene: My cousin Matt and his daughter at Chick-fil-A.
Matt: Can I please get a four piece kid's meal with white milk. [pause]
Oh, and gimme an extra white milk.
Clerk: Um....We only have one kind of milk, and it's pretty white.
~Paul Silverman~
Mohegan Lake New York
Matt: Can I please get a four piece kid's meal with white milk. [pause]
Oh, and gimme an extra white milk.
Clerk: Um....We only have one kind of milk, and it's pretty white.
~Paul Silverman~
Mohegan Lake New York
moreluck
golden ticket member
I Want You To Marry Bob
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," John said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," John said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
moreluck
golden ticket member
No Reservation Needed
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes."
They were seated immediately.
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes."
They were seated immediately.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Women Drivers
Fred rushes in and announces loudly, 'I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was this woman in a Jaguar doing at least 70 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her mascara.
I looked away for a couple seconds and then the next thing I knew was she was careening all over my lane.
It scared me so badly that I dropped my electric shaver into my coffee, and it spilled all over
Fred rushes in and announces loudly, 'I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was this woman in a Jaguar doing at least 70 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her mascara.
I looked away for a couple seconds and then the next thing I knew was she was careening all over my lane.
It scared me so badly that I dropped my electric shaver into my coffee, and it spilled all over
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