One liners, short jokes, funny sayings, puns, etal

[moreluck]

CNN tried to stir up controversy by reporting that fifteen of the likely Republican candidates for president own a total of forty pistols and rifles and shotguns between them. The message is crystal clear. If you elect a Republican president, it'll put an end to people jumping over the White House fence.

-- Argus Hamilton

 

[moreluck]

 

[moreluck]

Reckless Driving

A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front.
Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks.

"I had to swerve or I'd have run over those and blown my tires!" protested the driver.

"Ok", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."
"What for?!" retorted the man.

"Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.

 

[moreluck]

 

[moreluck]

The person who invented this sentence is either a Vocabulary GENIUS or is absolutely JOBLESS.

Why?

You’ll soon find out !!!

Read the sentence below carefully…

“I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications incomprehensibleness”.

This is a sentence where the Nth word is N letters long.

e.g. 3rd word is 3 letters long, 8th word is 8 letters long and so on up to the 20th word has 20 letters.

 

[oldngray]

 

[moreluck]

 

[moreluck]

Knock-Knock......

 

[moreluck]

 

[moreluck]

 

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[moreluck]

 

[moreluck]

The Lie Game
The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.

"Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."

"Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex."

In unison they all replied, "You win!"

 

[moreluck]

 

[moreluck]

 

[moreluck]

Stairway to laughter


A blonde, A brunette, and a red-head all died in a car crash, and they all went to heaven at the same time.

They arrive at the gates of heaven, when God appears and tells them they must pass a laughter test, if they fail, they will be sent to hell.

The objective was to climb 100 stairs without laughing. Each stair will have it's own joke.

The Brunette goes first, and laughs at the 46th stair.

The Red-Head goes second, and laughs at the 77th stair.

The Blonde, makes all the way to the 100th step, when she suddenly bursts out with laughter.

God asks "Why are you laughing now?"

The Blonde says "I just got the first joke!".

 

[soberups]

Q: Why do so many Siamese twins emigrate to England?
A: So that the one on the right can get a chance to drive.

 

[oldngray]

 

[moreluck]

Without Glasses

Soon after their last child left home for college, Bernadette's husband was resting next to her on the couch with his head in her lap.

She carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," she said sweetly, "Without your glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I married."

"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"