Jokes by Barack
if Bernie Sanders became president, we'd have a "third Obama term after all" ("Apparently, some folks really want to see a pot-smoking socialist in the White House," he said).
"An American won the Boston Marathon for the first time in 30 years, which was inspiring and only fair, since a Kenyan has been president for the last six."
"Let's face it, Fox, you'll miss me when I'm gone. It will be harder to convince the American people that Hillary was born in Kenya.
"These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I'm not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be."
"As some of you heard, the state of Hawaii released my official long-form birth certificate. Hopefully this puts all doubts to rest. But just in case there are any lingering questions, tonight I'm prepared to go a step further. Tonight, for the first time, I am releasing my official birth video. Now, I warn you, no one has seen this footage in 50 years, not even me. But let's take a look." (Plays footage from "The Lion King.")
"It's been quite a year since I've spoken here last. Lots of ups, lots of downs, except for my approval ratings, which have just gone down. But that's politics. It doesn't bother me. Besides, I happen to know that my approval ratings are still very high in the country of my birth."
