Jokes you've heard a hundred times

[Whither]

Chummy business owner at a dock actually had a good one yesterday, "I know UPS: count to 35 after the car ahead of you leaves, right?" I laughed, "Actually it's 33!"

 

[ManInBrown]

Packed dermatology office. Lady behind the desk always has something stupid to say. Ten degree day i walk in and hand her the board to sign, and she says wow is it cold out? I say did you teleport to work this morning. Everyone in the whole place bursts out laughing.

99% of comments like that are harmless and they dont mean any ill will. But there are the few people that do make comments like that to turn the screws.

 

[WTFm8]

Nothing tops the "Did you hear UPS and FedEx are merging" joke

Just ask if they heard it on CNN.

Then turn around and as you’re walking away yell FAKE NEWS.

Trigger em.

 

[numberonedriver]

Customer: what is it?
Me: I don't know my boss said I couldn't open the packages anymore.

Come into an office pouring sweat.
Secretary: Is it hot out there? Well stay cool.

When daylight savings time ends and you show up at someone's house at 5:30 and they say boy working late tonight huh?

Customer: is that my box of money?
Me: no I took all the money now it's just a box.

 

[WTFm8]

Oh working late? (it's 6pm) Nope, it's early bud.

Just wait till December and it’s completely dark by 5 and they say that.

“Nah, got 4-5 more hours probably”

 

[rocket man]

I am ( fed up) with
)this post

 

[DumbTruckDriver]

“Is it ticking?”

 

[Raw]

Whats in it?
I`ll look at pkg for a few seconds and say - I don`t know, my x-ray vision isn`t working today.

 

[scooby0048]

Whats in it?
I`ll look at pkg for a few seconds and say - I don`t know, my x-ray vision isn`t working today.

You all do know that on Amazon packages at least, it tells you a vague description of whats in it. Just under barcode on left side of package, it will say Desc. pet food, desc. toys, desc. health and beauty....etc;

It's all there just need to be more witty than the customer.

 

[542thruNthru]

108° summer day. Drenched in sweat.

Customer: Is it raining outside?

 

[Poop Head]

108° summer day. Drenched in sweat.

Customer: Is it raining outside?

"Yes"

 

[rod]

Hot enough for you?
Cold enough for you?
What's in it?
You on vacation AGAIN?
He won't bite.

 

[Staydryitsraining]

Is that a box of money? And although not a joke but very very annoying. When it's raining everyone says "stay dry".

 

[Operational needs]

108° summer day. Drenched in sweat.

Customer: Is it raining outside?

Someone told you that didn’t they? You know you’ve never worked in 108°. Lol

 

[oldngray]

108° summer day. Drenched in sweat.

Customer: Is it raining outside?

Are those trucks air conditioned?

 

[542thruNthru]

Someone told you that didn’t they? You know you’ve never worked in 108°. Lol

We have a few areas around us that get up to 110-113 in the summer. I don't deliver out there anymore.

 

[Poop Head]

Helper- "its supposed to rain tomorrow, do you guys still work?"

 

[Zowert]

I was on route with my helper last peak when a FedEx driver rolled by and said, “U P S, United Puśsy Service!” I was about to say something stupid back but my helper had quick wit, “Yeah, we’re about to service your wife’s puśsy.”

 

[Saca La]

All these answers are gold.